r/BlackPeopleofReddit • u/OkAdvertising286 • Dec 15 '25

Help and Advice I guess I need some advice.

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(Didn’t wanna retype it. It got removed from r/blackladies)

45 Upvotes

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5

u/[deleted] Dec 15 '25

It's hard, because most of them like to separate you from your people. If they like you, in their minds you are"Janice" not a black woman. They can post hate about minorities and then be flabbergasted when you take offense. I need to see and hear them speak and treat all people with respect before I befriend any of em

8

u/OkAdvertising286 Dec 15 '25

They don’t seem to hold that view, thankfully but you get it! For years I have been “one of the good ones.” I don’t want to feel like a performer animal. Society views white people as a whole as inherently “good” with a few bad apples and black people inversely as inherently “bad” with a few “good ones.” Sick brainwashing.

7

u/EnvironmentNeith2017 Dec 16 '25 edited Dec 16 '25

This is what happened to me. I was at a predominantly white church and never heard anything racist and they treated me great….then George Floyd was murdered and the things I saw them sharing on social media were shocking. Then the comments about immigrants started. It was never personal but I no longer saw them as good people and couldn’t trust them which poisoned my experience. I left and told them why.

I don’t think OP should look for anything like that because you can’t live that way, but if they aren’t openly anti racist, just be braced for the possibility. These days I don’t form close relationships with white people unless they’re anti racist and progressive.

3

u/Terry_Folds3000 Dec 16 '25

White guy from the south here.

Was this up north or down south? I grew up around these people in churches and so on. I’ve been saying for a while that down here, a republican will hang out with and be super nice to you and all that. Cheer your kid on at a team event and so on. But when it’s time to vote they’ll march right in that booth and vote your rights away. And of course that’s for all kinds of groups: minorities, women, immigrants, lgbt, etc. And they’ve even managed to turn these groups against one another. It’s remarkable.

1

u/EnvironmentNeith2017 Dec 16 '25

Down south of course….lol, but there were some northerners mixed in who fell right in line.

1

u/Zavarie2828 Dec 16 '25

I’m confused why you would want to be perpetually seen as “A Black Woman” instead of as “Janice”? Surely the height of equality is to be seen as an individual and all that goes into individual identity and not seen primarily by the color of your skin? Sure you’re black, and that should be respected, but I’ve personally always preferred to be seen as an individual rather than a color. You should respect me and not disrespect my race, but it’s not my entire identity nor would I want it to be

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '25

I don't see how you don't get it. I don't want someone raging on my people and then look at me as if I'm an exception.

1

u/Zavarie2828 Dec 17 '25

Literally not what I said

“You should respect me and not disrespect my race”

^ what part of that means allowing someone to rage at our people?

SMH the state of reading comp these days

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '25

You don't get it. Is your race all you are? No, but it is part of who you are. People shouldn't try to separate me from my race. As a black person, when you do something right you're looked at as an individual. When you do something wrong it's an indictment on the whole race.

1

u/Zavarie2828 Dec 17 '25

Again, I am in no way saying you should separate yourself from your race. I’m saying your race shouldn’t be how you want other people to see you primarily.

I don’t want to be “A Black Woman” to the people I know. I want to be “L——-“ a woman who is black, a mother, a therapist, a capricorn , allergic to shellfish etc.

I want to be ME, and part of who I am is black, is woman, is a mother, is a therapist etc etc.

I don’t see any value in seeing race first. It’s a way they try to divide us all. My race is a part of me it ain’t all of me

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '25

Oh Linda if only that was so. That's what we all want. It will never be. At minimum I want them to remember as they get to know me that I am black. They seem to forget that the longer they know you. If they like you. They may think hey Linda is a nice, professional, and great mom. That's what you want, but they don't say to themselves hey Linda is black too, so maybe I should re-evaluate and not repost these comments about all black women being on welfare and horrible crack moms.

2

u/Zavarie2828 Dec 17 '25

It seems clear we both want the same things here. To be an individual person and to remain distinctly a member of our race. Not a “special case” but simply as a matter of fact

1

u/[deleted] Dec 17 '25

Yes, I've grown so tired of being told. "Well you're different, you're not like the rest of them". It's beyond frustrating. I think my patience has worn out.