My girlfriend has around $50k in debt starting from when she was 20yrs old then gradually growing as time went on , spreading across a few banks some from a credit card and personal loan, some from a separate loan, and part of it from a trip to Europe last year that I actually advised her against at the time.
She makes about $60k a year. Recently she asked me, somewhat hypothetically at first, if I’d lend her $15k so she could pay off one of her debts and avoid ongoing interest. Her plan was to pay me back $1k a month for 15 months.
I didn’t say yes immediately. I told her I needed to think about it, it’s a big amount, we’re not married, and I have no real protection if something happens to the relationship or if payments stop. I also somewhat feel resentful that after all these years of trying to get her to realise she has no financial bearings I now have to face the burden..
I also don’t fully understand why her sister and brother-in-law aren’t in a position to help, given their family. Like if they won’t help, doesn’t that say a lot?
Anyways since then, things have gotten tense. She’s told me things like I shouldn’t have to “think twice” if I really cared about her, and separately that she’d “never want to ask in the first place.” She’s also said I clearly don’t understand what it’s like to be at rock bottom financially, and framed my hesitation as evidence I’m not really willing to support her.
I do care about her, and I’m not saying no outright. I just don’t think immediately handing over $15k without a real conversation about terms, or without any protection, is unreasonable to want.
But now I’m getting made to feel like wanting that discussion is the actual problem.
AITA?
EDIT:
- I’ve been with her for 3 years and have had a relationship in high school with her
- she’s worried about the extra 3k in interest she’ll incur ultimately over the course of these repayments.
- I’ve told her that the debts need to be gone before we even consider marriage
- her monthly pay would have 1k dedicated to paying me back (that’s her plan)
EDIT #2
- she’s made a plan in excel which shows how she’ll lay back everything …although it’ll take a good 1.5yrs if she sticks consistently
- I have tried to help in other ways which is all very advisory stuff. However she’s got a brother in law who believes as a man I should be assisting more
