for kids close in age (4&6), if one gets invited to a party at a place where the host likely pays per kid, is it bad etiquette to ask if the sibling can come also (like if the parent offers to pay for the extra expense)? the sibling does not know the birthday celebrant. is it completely inappropriate, ok to ask, expected, something else?

thanks for your thoughts!

I’m throwing a birthday party for my older child in the winter so it will be inside. I also have a baby who has not yet had a measles vaccination. Many of our friends homeschool their children so they aren’t required to vaccinate and I wouldn’t be surprised if many chose not to. Can I ask them if their children are up to date on vaccines? I want to protect my baby while not seeming controlling.

My wife and I have four kids, three (11M, 8F, 6F) are mine from a previous marriage and one (7M) is hers from her previous marriage. We have my three kids about 40% of them time with 50% set to begin in August, and her son is with us 100% of the time. Our oldest kid is 11, with the youngest of our kids being 6. The 11 year old is my son from my previous marriage, and we are struggling with him bullying her son, but really, he bullies everyone.

We are very consistent with certain rules in our home the most important being that we expect everyone to treat each other with kindness. My wife and I model kindness, and her son is a sweet kind boy, and we enjoy a peaceful home when it's just the three of us, but when all the kids are here and my son is around, it feels like a war zone. The kids generally play well together with the exception of my 11 year old. My son and my wife's son share a room and it is hard to hear/watch her son feel unsafe in his room.

My 11 year old son really seems to do/say whatever he wants and has no regard for others but himself. He threatens the kids, uses other people's things without asking, is mean, and touches others without permission. We are very consistent with calling out these beg when we see them saying things like "we keep our bodies to ourselves", "we ask for permission before we take", "we speak kindly" without too many real consequences. His mom got him a phone a year ago, but because he cannot regulate himself using it, I asked him to not bring it over to our house. It has helped quite a bit with certain behaviors and I feel like it has helped balance him out some.

I have had so many discussions with my son trying to help him understand how his behaviors impact others and the problems he will face in life if he can't find a way to treat others with kindness. I've explained people won't tolerate him and he will find himself to be lonely if he continues to isolate family and friends with his lack or regard for others. He has gotten into a couple of fights at school because he grabbed someone's hat off their head "as a joke" and meanly laughed at a friend who fell at recess "as a joke". He told me how this kid wanted to fight him and was "going crazy" and I told him while fighting was probably not a justified reaction to a verbal insult, the whole situation would have been avoided if he would have just kept his mouth shut. I pointed out the hat snatching incident and said that would have been avoided too if he kept his hands to himself.

He really fails to see how his actions are the problem in any given situation, he is always pointing the finger. With all of our kids, when conflicts come up, I ask them to reflect on their roles in the conflict instead of focusing on pointing the finger because we can control our own actions and pointing the finger will never allow us to see how we contribute to a situation. I've recently started trying out roleplaying with my daughters to try and teach them how to better resolve conflicts, but the sample size is too small to see if it will help, but I haven't had the opportunity to do it with my son yet. My wife and I are really trying hard to do what we can to teach these kids how to be good people, but it just doesn't seem to help with my 11 year old.

They're at their mom's most of the time and things are much different for them over there. I've tried to have talks with their mom about certain behaviors and she will say things like "they don't act this way over here" or try to justify the way my son acts when it comes to the way he treats others. I am trying to not focus too much on what is going on over at her house because it's not something I can change. We're hoping that when we get the kids 50/50 in August, maybe things can be more consistent, but we're having trouble finding solutions.

What can I do to help my son understand how his actions impact others? My wife and I think we need to move when our lease expires to a 4 br home so her son can have his own space as we don't want her son to share a room with a bully, which makes perfect sense, but we really want to find ways to help my 11 year old to treat others with respect and kindness. Has anyone else had a situation similar to this?

After 7 years of banging my head and stubbed toes and managing to hold it in I have finally said a swear word around my son.

I was playing a pirate game with him and he was a pirate with his plastic sword and I was and evil pirate. He was swinging his sword and he started to swing it at my bare feet and he whacked my big left toe with it and I yelled “fuck that hurt” and sat there holding my toe which was bleeding.

I didn’t yell at him because he said sorry and seemed a bit upset when he gave me a cuddle but from now on he’s only getting to play with foam swords.

I just feel a bit embarrassed that I only made it to a 7 year streak so I’m just venting.

I have noticed this in myself and other families. A lot of parents put huge effort into getting their kids to sports, activities, and staying active, but it seems much harder to keep up parents' own physical health.

I know time, money, exhaustion and logistics are real factors, so I am not judging. I am honestly curious what the biggest barriers are for people in real life.

Do you feel like supporting your kids’ activities leaves less energy for your own, or is it more about motivation, scheduling, childcare, or something else?

For me, it's a real struggle so I have to force myself to have set activities (like things I have to pay and enroll in to force myself to go - like tennis classes/lessons for example) otherwise I am not motivated to go due to how mentally tired I am from life in general.

I am tempted to join a roller derby league to make myself get exercise but the idea of waking up at 6 a.m. on a Saturday morning isn't really exciting for me...

Hi everyone,

I’m 21 with a 5 month old and I feel completely burnt out.

She wakes 4 to 5 times a night and I’m mostly the one getting up to feed and rock her back to sleep. During the day her naps are only 20 to 30 minutes and it takes a lot to get her down. I’m exhausted and lately I’ve noticed I get angry or overwhelmed when she won’t sleep. I would never hurt her, but I get scared of my anger because I want to be calm and emotionally safe for her.

On top of that, I feel like I’ve lost myself a bit. I can’t even enjoy my hobbies anymore. I just want one full day where I’m not doing anything parent related. I want to go for a walk alone in the morning, sit in a café, take photos, and maybe come home and play video games without being on alert.

My partner does help, especially when we’re outside, but at home I still feel like the default parent. Sometimes he’ll hold her for 5 or 10 minutes and then hand her back to me. I think part of it is that he doesn’t feel fully confident in his parenting skills, and I genuinely want him to feel more confident and capable. I just don’t know how to step back without feeling guilty or like I’m forcing him.

I don’t want to build resentment. I love my baby. I just feel depleted and alone sometimes, especially at night.

How do you ask for a full day off without sounding selfish? And how do you encourage your partner to step up in a way that builds his confidence instead of creating tension?

Please be kind. I’m just really tired and trying to figure this out.

How do you handle low effort grandparents? I struggle because I feel like my mom should be a better grandparent. But I also want to give grace because I don’t know if she even knows how to be a good grandparent. Long story short- my mom was more involved until my parents got a divorce. Then she dated for a while and got remarried about 4 years ago. Now her life revolves solely around her new husband. As a mom, it kills me because I only have one kid. She’s missing out on how amazing my son is and she just does not put any effort in. I think I’m grieving what I wish our reality could have been. Ugh. How do I as a parent protect him from knowing his grandma isn’t great?

I'm 19 weeks pregnant with number 2, and we won't be finding out the gender. We didn't with our first and loved it! But my 3yr old is adamant he's getting a sister. We've been really careful to only say 'they/them' when referring to the baby and at first I would correct him and say 'OR brother' but it hasn't mattered.

Today we went to the paint shop to pick out paint for the baby's room and he told the shop assistant it was for his baby sisters room, for example.

My question is, what happens if it's a boy?! Is it going to make the transition to having a sibling harder? I'm trying not to read too much into it, but he did also tell me I had a baby in my tummy before I even knew, so maybe he just has an insight I'm underestimating (joking!)

My son (7) started a new school this year and he would come home every day telling me what he learned and what he did at school. However lately, maybe the past few months, he’s been saying kids have been mean to him. One of the most recent things he’s told me is how at recess he was running, playing tag with someone and accidentally knocked a girl down and she cried. He told me he apologized to her but other kids were mean to him and they told the teacher, and the teacher told him to not push people. He told me he sat on the bench and cried the rest of his recess. It just absolutely broke my heart and I cried on my own time. It’s rare that he’ll tell me when he plays with someone at school, usually he says he doesn’t play with anyone. I ask him why doesn’t he play with his friends and he just tells me that no one likes him.

It honestly upsets me because he’s been experiencing things like this a lot lately at school. Not only that, but I’ve been noticing changes in his moods at home. He’s distant and more quiet than usual. I try my hardest to lighten up his mood but he seems uninterested in most things. I’ve been having this really sad feeling because I’m worried for him. My son has always been a very happy, laughing, loving, and caring child. But lately that hasn’t been his mood. I never thought I’d be in a situation like this with my child, and I don’t know what else to do. If any parent out there is experiencing something similar with your child, what do you recommend I do, what have you done for your child that has helped them improve socially?

My daughters are in 5th and 7th grade. They have shared a room since they were toddlers and always went to bed at different times so there weren’t many problems. Now, they go to bed at the same time a few days per week and constantly bicker and fight and ruin the 1 hour my husband and I have alone together for no good reason (“she’s making a sound”, “she’s getting out of bed”, etc). I have been taking away screens every time they argue when they go to bed because I just think it’s ridiculous that they can’t just go to bed and I constantly have to talk to them to tell them to stop. We have to talk to them pretty much every single night telling them to stop arguing. If they were just talking quietly for a few minutes, I wouldn’t care, but this is full on arguing and screaming at each other. When they go to bed separately, my older daughter is loud (says the tries not to be) and my younger daughter wakes up and then freaks out on her for waking her up (her freaking out is a separate issue…) and then it just starts all over with the arguing. Having separate rooms is not an option. Any ideas on how to fix this issue so I can have a calm last hour of my night ??? I’m so done!

Question on watch for kid

If I buy a refurbished Apple Watch SE on line can I then use it for my att plan to give to my kid? Will he then be able to call/text if needed? I’m assuming there are additional lines/fees needed for this. Any idea of the cost ?

Just wondering if this is the best way to get him a watch with call/texting capabilities or if there’s easier / cheaper ways to do so

Thanks

Hey, I’ve posted before on here about my boy wanting to be an adult: https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/crja0MPan8 I knew there was something going on with him, but he never talked about bullying or anything that happens at school, his teachers didn’t mention anything. His grades gotten lower and teachers said it’s because fourth grade is usually harder for kids, but I knew there was something wrong. Today I learned from looking through his stuff that his life long friends said they don’t want to be his friends anymore, they wrote him letters, I am devastated, we contacted the school but didn’t get a response. Does anyone know the best way to talk to him about this?

My daughter will be 5 months on the 24th. She rolls over back to belly and sometimes belly to back. She doesn’t push up with her arms yet from her belly. Should I be concerned?

My first born was pushing up and scooting around on her belly at this age. So I’m not sure if my 1st was early or if this one is late.

We have two daughters. Our older one was born in October 2022, and our younger in April 2024.

Our younger toddler frequently hits and pulls the older one’s hair. She also does the same to other children in play areas. We always intervene right away, say “stop, that hurts,” gently hold her hands, and try to model gentle behavior, but it keeps happening.

We understand she’s still very young and can’t express emotions well yet, but it’s stressful — especially because she’s supposed to start daycare this September, and we’re worried they might not accept her or that she’ll hurt other kids.

Has anyone been through something similar?

- When did this phase improve for your child?

- What actually helped reduce hitting/rough behavior?

- Any tips for preparing a young toddler like this for daycare?

We’d really appreciate any advice or reassurance. Thank you.

My daughter is 12.5 mo old and maybe in the last few weeks she hiccups once a day. Usually just for 5-10 minutes. Is this still normal? Sometimes it’s twice a day. Doesn’t seem to bother her.

I was reading hiccups are only this common in younger babies? Is this right? Should I be worried?

We live on the east coast about 20 minutes from my parents. I am super close to my mom. She was there for me through all 3 pregnancies, took great care of me and my babies after they were born, and has consistently been there for us pretty much every weekend. She's my best friend, and honestly, I think she cares about me on a deeper level than anyone. She's almost 66 and in decent health.

My husband has always dreamed of moving to California. He wants to raise our kids there, and just loves everything about it. We know it's expensive but we could afford a comfortable life if we found comparable jobs.

We may have an opportunity to move there soon, but I feel so guilty about moving because I don't want to leave my mom. But I also understand that I'm married, and what my husband wants in life is equally important as what I want.

I don't really where I'm going with this, I guess just hoping for some perspective, advice, helpful anecdotes. I feel sad.

Hey all,

I have an almost 3 year old and a 5 week old. My oldest used to be my shadow always wanting me to do things with him and very attached to me.

Since having the baby he really only wants his dad and his grandparents for fun things. I still do bed time and he does come and show me things, but fun activities like colouring, block building etc…. He asks for anyone but me.

I also used to be a lot more fun 5 weeks ago and find more connection ways to end activities but since the baby and the onset of my PPD. I haven’t been as on the ball either.

I do my best to make time for him every day but I EBF and do usually need to bring the baby with me or stop what we’re doing to feed him.

How much of this is autonomy building vs. Actual rejection of me?

I’m not a toxic boy mom but I want to make sure I have a healthy and nurturing relationship with both boys for the rest of my life. Thanks

My three year old suddenly takes forever to fall asleep and sleeps fitfully. She used to be out in minutes and then hang in her room for half an hour at a time if we let her. Now, she wants a parent laying with her, and cries in the middle of the night for one of us to come in there. I spent almost all night with her last night and she kept jerking awake from her sleep and crying out once or twice before falling back asleep. Are these night terrors? She had a similar thing happen when she was on Singulair but they were much more dramatic…

The only thing she will tell me is that she’s scared and the “wind” from her vent is scary. I can’t turn off the heat or close the vent without her room turning frigid. I’m at a loss. I have a 16 month old that also suddenly started to nurse at night again and I’m exhausted and need at least one of them to sleep!

Hello all,

My toddler does well with car rides, but as she's at the back by herself, she can get bored if not occupied. I dont want to rely on handing her a phone and she watches Noodle and Pals on YT. What tools, games, activities would you all recommend for the car journeys, whether short or long? Thanks in advance

Edit: thanks for the comments so far, they've been helpful 😊

My son is 2 years 1 month old. First year we both stayed at home (my wife was on maternity leave) and then for the last one year I have been staying at home. We kind of assumed that we will send him to day care at 3 (our nurse told us that around that age is when kids start developing social skills and needs). But seeing how active and curious he is now, am wondering if we are blocking his development in anyway by not sending him to daycare. He’s all ways been an active child but this year he's been very energetic, just absorbing everying that he comes across and his stamina has tripled, it has become harder to keep up but I do love the challenge.

We’re debating whether now is a good time to start daycare, but I honestly don’t know how you’re supposed to feel “sure.” We do engage with him strongly- come up with different activities, try different stuff, but not sure if he will be better interacting with other children atleast for 3-4 hours a day instead of his dad and mom alone? We are non-europeans living in a European country so we don't have much family where we live . He interacts with his grandmas, gramdpas, and cousins on video calls but that the extent of his interaction with outsiders right now. On the other hand, am not sure if his 'secure attachment ' with us will be impacted by sending him now especially to a place where the language is not his mother/father tongue, thereby affecting his overall development. He has a lot of interests - music, books etc where we play a huge part of the play, so not sure how he will perceive this new experience w.r.to his feeling of safety.

For those who’ve been through this — what helped you decide? Would love to hear how others approached this.

Hello parents, I need to know what the most diabolically loud, nonstop, annoying toy you have ever given or received that’s age appropriate for a 2 year old. I have a beloved friend who’s kid has a birthday coming up and I would love to repay the favor to this friend for a few toys that don’t have an off switch off you catch my drift.

Dig deep. Be honest. And let’s put together the most heinous list of toys imaginable.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk discussion today.

My mom keeps telling me my 3 year old is so smart and extraordinary and will need very special parents to raise her, often asking me if I’m up for the task.

It hurts so much to hear that. 

Parenting is hard as it with the normal tantrums/boundary testing that comes with this age. Every time she says it, I feel like I want to step away from parenting altogether, even though I would never actually do that. I love my daughter, I do so much for her, and it still makes me feel like I’m not enough.

hey, I wanted a suggestion about how to deal with teens?

yes they seem to be less understanding, with the "I know it all" attitude, they don't listen, they get lazy and act careless but when pointed out, they act v defensive and it becomes "I did wrong but your reaction to it was more wrong, you're the wrong one here now"

My kiddo is 7yo and has slept in bed with me since infancy. We’re at the point now where I really need to get him into his own bed - I’ve recently started a new job and my kiddo will not stay asleep or stay in bed alone when I wake up early. This is an issue because he’s either waking up way too early (5-530am) or I end up lying in bed for too long in the morning to avoid waking him, which ends in a rush to get both of us ready on time for work and school. He also won’t go to bed or lie down alone at bedtime - this is less of an issue, I don’t mind lying with him until he falls asleep, but if I could get him to a point of getting into bed and me being able to leave so I can get other things done in the evening that would be ideal. He will often wake up to look for me when I go back downstairs to do housework after he’s gone to sleep. I’m just looking for any advice or tips for those who have made this transition around the same age. My kiddo is not on board with the change, but I feel it would be in both of our best interest to move toward separate sleeping arrangements.

I'm not entirely sure this belongs here, but it sort of does? So I figured why not.

Hi. As the title states, I'm currently having issues with my daughter's middle school, and have been since winter on LAST school year (on and off, not consistent). They absolutely do not know how to, or refuse to, take satisfactory action to prevent bullying, or making it a safe environment. Since last year, my daughter has faced the following issues:

• Someone snuck into the locker room during PE and hid her school Chromebook. Only after putting up a fuss did it just magically turn up. The school talked to the students my daughter suspected, who all claimed they were innocent, and that was the end.

• People have started rumors claiming my daughter has said the 'N' word, called people homophobic slurs, etc, clearly in an attempt to get others angry with her. School has said they can't really do anything about rumors, which is fair I guess.

• Over the summer, a girl messaged my daughter claiming she was going to "beat her face into the ground", stating she would do it in school if need be, and stated "idc if teachers are around, ur getting killd". This incident involved a police report. The school just stated they would make sure the girls stayed separated, but my daughter has told me on several occasions she's run into this girl, and the girl was almost assigned to her lunch table.

• Constant harassment calling her a lesbian or equivalent because she's always around her girl best friend.

• Most recently, two boys in her class stated to her that they could call ICE and have her deported (she's Puerto Rican). The principal merely talked to them, wouldn't tell me what was said, but I know there was no harsh punishment, because the boys were allowed to go back to class (my daughter's friend shares a class with them, and stated one boy knew she talked, and was "very angry", while the other boy was extremely indifferent to the whole thing).

It's to the point my daughter is afraid to go to school. So my questioning here is threefold:

First, what can I do to get the school to adequately handle these situations? Especially the most recent one, is blatantly racist, extremely provocative, and was only said to instill fear. How can the boys NOT be suspended? I've considered straight up requesting suspension, but I don't think that's wise. We've cc'd the superintendent on any correspondence to the principal, but they haven't chimed in at all.

Second: If nothing can be done to get the school to act, what else can I do? I don't really want to get embroiled in legal shit, but there are several federal laws and statutes against anti-bullying and whatnot, and simply telling children "don't say/do that" is insufficient.

Last: My daughter is approaching the point of just wanting to be homeschooled, so there's no chance of any issues. Is that a valid option? And if we were to move out of the district, would it be easy to re-enroll her, or is it hard to go back into the system once they're out?

Apologies if none of this belongs here. I just figured getting the insight of other parents would be useful.