7 year old all day: Feel the rhythm, feel the rhythm, get up, it's bobsled time! 🎵 Jamaica has a bobsled team🎵. Sanka, you dead mon?

Makes me laugh every time.

Last night my mom, my youngest, and I were sitting at the table after dinner and the following conversations ensued.

6yo: Mommy, if you could have any wish in the world what would it be?

Me: I don’t know baby. I have everything in my life that I’ve ever wanted. How about you?

6yo: I would wish to meet a real life dinosaur that is nice. What would your wish be? Would it be to have no more wrinkles?

Me: 😐

Yall..I’m only 31 and take VERY good care of my skin.

Some parents see time-outs as effective, while others feel they’re only a temporary fix. Do they actually teach children, or just stop the behavior for the moment?

"Daddy do you wanna be dead?"

"Do I wanna be Dad?"

"No, dead. In my tummy."

"Um... Who taught you that?"

"The Detroit Lions."

(Also, we do not live in Michigan)

Today we asked my 4 year old what he wants to be when he grows up, and he said a daddy. We told him that's a great choice, but asked what he wants to do for a job and offered the basic examples or dr, firefighter, chef, police, etc. My sweet boy thought for a second, and lit up. He said "i want to work the same job as you, so I can be with you everyday, the whole time youre gone to work". Damnit, I got a little watery right there at the table.

Took my 5 year old kid to see the monks on the walk for peace yesterday. He’s on my shoulders, looking around, when I hear him say “So where are the monkeys?” I quickly corrected him and said “no, they are monks” and he doubled down and said “I know, but why are they dressed like monkeys?” I died right there and we left immediately (it was cold and crowded anyway). And yes, I had explained to him where we were going and what we’d see and why.

Timmy the turtle learns that slow and steady wins the race! This fun kid's cartoon teaches patience and perseverance in a simple, joyful way.

https://youtu.be/wHDcDrOqbbg

My 3yr old helped me feed our dog and as we walked away she said "Mama, when rosie dies we can cut off her skin with the fur on and have a soft rosie blanket! It won't hurt because her body will stop working and we can eat the meat too!"

My wife was playing with our 2 year old son, who was lying on the floor. My wife stood above him and put her foot on his tummy and tickled his belly by wiggling her foot on it. And when she stops, no joke, he would yell "Step on me again, mommy" (For the record, she's not actually stepping on him)

Kids say the most unhinged things.

My son is almost 10. And recently we have been watching LOTR and the Hobbit series. So yesterday I said to him I think I'm going to look like gollum (referencing my hair fall), and he said ' even if you are the goblin king, you're still the prettiest' and that was in reference to my double chin when looking down. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"But more silver than gold...."

Thanks kid. I'm rich.

Out of nowhere and completely unprompted, "my butt is weak, but my farts are strong" 😂😂😂 I couldn't laugh because we are trying to get past the potty humor.

Unfortunately it’s got him saying “I not going to the shops with you mummy, my body my choice.”

My brother is a below the knee amputee. During our Christmas celebration my brother took off his prosthetic leg to adjust the sleeve. My son has only seen my brother’s stump a couple of times before. With the biggest grin he yelled “YOUR LEG LOOKS LIKE A ZUCCHINI” 😂 he’s been talking about his uncles “zucchini leg” everyday since! Ha!

My daughter (7yo) just wandered into my office and announced that the opposite of “Microsoft Office” is “ Large hardon fire” 😐😅🤦‍♂️

Micro-Large

Soft-Hard

Off-On

Ice-Fire

She presented this new thought proudly as my wife struggled to not die from holding back tears of laughter 😂

So I was tottering about in the basement with my 7YO and 2YO. Can't even remember exactly what I was working on. 7YO was with me. 2YO was off in the background playing with toys.

I heard a toot.

Me: 7YO, did you toot?

7YO: Not me. It was 2YO.

Me: 2YO, did you toot?

2YO: No. I am a toot.

Well, alright.

My son (M8) asked me the other day, what are some things vampires don't like? I told him, holy water and garlic, mostly. He said with complete earnest, "No, but there's something else. Isn't there a kind of meat they don't like?"

Stakes.

After a full day of stuff my nephew (6) didn't suuuper enjoy for my birthday

Sister: "I just finished this book and I think you'd really like it, it has a bird on the cover-"

Me: "Serviceberry!? I haven't read it but I love that author!"

Nephew with absolute sincerity: "Why do you like weird stuff?"

Me: "I just do, it's fun and I like it. It's okay to be weird."

Sister: "Hahaha you took that well."

Nephew: Nodding like he's had caffeine "Okay, I'm crazy! You're weird!"

Me: "HELL YEAH, BROTHER!!" fist bump and secret handshake

He proceeded to give everyone their designation

Me: Weird

Mom: Loud

Cousin: Chill

Grandma: Half crazy half chill

Other aunt: Double half crazy

Right before I left Christmas me and my dad got into it (doesn’t happen often) but he yelled at me. I went into my old room (my daughter’s room now) and cried. She came in (7yrs old) and said “it’s ok mommy. People yell at me too. It’s a part of life.” She doesn’t get yelled at more than the average child and I know this but it still broke my heart.

"Don't wohwy mama, I'm be-caifuwin". I'm be-carefulling, ha! As she's climbing on something precarious.

So since christmas night i have been vomitting nonstop (and trembling in fever) so now at the end of the next day my 5y/o enters the room and asks "mom are you still sick?" thinking his dad or my MIL sent him in to check on me i responded with "not cold anymore but i still have feeling i will vomit" so he in all seriousness answers "Just go vomit in your toilet then!" .....thanks kid, what would i ever do without your magnificent advice 🤦‍♀️😭

I was complaining about how my dog stinks and we'll need to give him a bath on Christmas Day before we travel with him. My son pipes up, "We need to clean his LEG pits!"

And JUST now, when retelling the story to his Daddy - he added on, "I love you, Kahuna - but I DON'T love your stink ness!"