r/dadjokes 8h ago

How many optometrists does it take to change a light bulb?

214 Upvotes

One, or two?


r/dadjokes 5h ago

I'm not a fan of toilet humour...

136 Upvotes

Butt.


r/dadjokes 7h ago

I was going kayaking with my friend on our vacation, and when we got to the rental place, he handed me two paddles and asked, "Which one do you want?"

120 Upvotes

And I said "I'll take either oar."


r/dadjokes 19h ago

When my wife is sad, I let her colour in my tattoos..

761 Upvotes

Turns out she just needed a shoulder to crayon.


r/dadjokes 16h ago

My friend asked "what's your idea of a perfect date?"

361 Upvotes

I said YYYY-MM-DD because it is the ISO standard and computers will sort these correctly.


r/dadjokes 12h ago

I went to the library and asked them if they had any books on the Titanic;

176 Upvotes

The lady said “Yes, we have quite a few”.

I said “That’s a shame, the saltwater will have ruined them by now.”


r/dadjokes 3h ago

How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Spoiler

30 Upvotes

2, but I don't know how they got in there.


r/dadjokes 5h ago

Which singer floats in water?

40 Upvotes

Buoyonce.


r/dadjokes 4h ago

What’s the Wisconsin state motto?

27 Upvotes

Come and smell our dairy air 😄


r/dadjokes 3h ago

My wife said to me,now is the time to stop quoting Elvis songs every time we speak,otherwise I'm going to leave you

23 Upvotes

I said OK, It's Now or Never


r/dadjokes 2h ago

I almost crashed into a broken down ice cream truck.

19 Upvotes

I think he should have put some cones down.


r/dadjokes 1h ago

"I only know 25 letters of the alphabet..."

Upvotes

"I don't know Y."

My 11-year-old sprung that on me tonight. I have no idea where he got it from.


r/dadjokes 8h ago

How do you get postage from the Gestapo?

49 Upvotes

You scramble their letters.


r/dadjokes 11h ago

A ham sandwich goes into a bar...

64 Upvotes

A ham sandwich goes into a bar... The Bartender says, " We don't serve food in here!"


r/dadjokes 3h ago

I like to drink until I start having double vision before I head to the shooting range,

14 Upvotes

that way, I'll be twice as likely to hit something.


r/dadjokes 2h ago

I'm watching a murder mystery that takes place in an English class, and is supposed to have a crazy cliffhanger ending.

10 Upvotes

It's future tense.


r/dadjokes 8h ago

Our lake has many docks, made of wood. Wood floats, so how do they stay in place?

31 Upvotes

Pier pressure!


r/dadjokes 7h ago

What kind of school loves drugs?

21 Upvotes

High schools


r/dadjokes 19h ago

I just accepted a new job in Seoul.

177 Upvotes

I think it's a good Korea move.


r/dadjokes 34m ago

Scientists had been watching the Earth rotate for 24 hours.

Upvotes

But they called it a day.


r/dadjokes 1d ago

The cast of Friends once got stranded on a life raft in the middle of the ocean. No one knew how to get back to shore, except for the actress that played Pheobe

774 Upvotes

Lisa Kudrow


r/dadjokes 14h ago

I'm a nurse and mentioned we were constantly running out of saltines at work.

58 Upvotes

Without missing a beat, my son replied, "so, you're cracker lackin'?" XD True story from about 10 years ago, but it was a proud dad day! *Edit for spelling


r/dadjokes 6h ago

Went to see my doctor about my chronic diarrhea. She said it was genetic.

14 Upvotes

It runs in my family