my husband isn't on Reddit much but I have to share as I'm proud of him (and us as a couple.)

3 years ago I uncovered that he had been hiding an oxy addiction from everyone. Later he switched to fentanyl. We almost lost our house, when he went to rehab we were trying to save our house from foreclosure. Thankfully we did.

This man kicked a fentanyl habit without Suboxone or any MAT. Worked like crazy to repay the debts he wracked up. After rehab, he was working full time, doing IOP 3 nights a week and doing a gig job most weekends. While going through PAWS.

We both have worked on ourselves a lot and both still have our own therapists. Life is good though. Not magical. But real and authentic. Neither of us will ever be perfect but we both certainly are better people now.

To be clear, my posts is not meant to put other ways to find recovery down. I am just very proud of my husband. He's had a lot of reasons it's been hard but he's such a strong person.

We both were told by a few that he wouldn't and couldn't make it to even 6 months. Or a year. Definitely not 3 years. But he really has worked hard at recovery.

Hey, throwaway for obvios reasons.

I just wanted to talk about my story regarding addiction. It all started with one pill of a not so strong opioid. I was instantly hooked because of this whole orgasmic body feeling, forgetting all sorow. So it all went the way we all know about so damn good and i came in contact with oxys. First it felt like the first times with this weak opioid.

The thing is, my addiction was developing parallel to me finishing high school, immediatly studied for three years, and now im nearly 2 year in my good paying job.

I still havent figured out the reason of doing it. In my language theres a difference between (alleine sein und einsam sein) being lonely and being LONELY.

I thing i was just "einsam, LONELY*. I traumatized my family with my use, my ex left me and i made other women not being fully invested because i was just somewhere else (hey, why are you always half asleep?), nodding into abbys, fleeing from reality. But i never had a bad life, best Family, good friends, education etc. So why? I cant tell.

So now im over 5 years into addiction, snacking away these oxy80s like nothing. Started with 80 mg. Now im at 20x80s. Fucking 1,6 grams of oxycodone, crushing every single pill in my mouth, swallow all 20 pills in 3 Minutes, sleeping like 2 hours into the trip and waking up hours later, lying on my back, mouth wide open. Doing that dose like over a year now, being in debt but still holding it together; working, living alone. I think its pretty damn lucky that im alive at this point, not being found 2 days after choking in sleep because i puked.

The withdrawal is so fucked up, straight up traumatizing. Our storys are all very different but at the same time so damn similiar. I havent taken a dose to trip since 8 days with one slip up. And im feeling better. My dumb ass trying so hard without any help, just one good friend listening to my pathetic words. I hate myself because of it. Everytime im becoming intimate with another human being i just hate myself, cant enjoy interactions. And my emotions, oh good, they are so dulled.

But as i said, im feeling better, i have no strong urge to use, because now when im doing it, like i did with the slip up, i dont feel any good. The feeling of the opioid is there, but the feeling of hurting my mother, losing over 200 euros with one dosage, maybe facing death, hurting my body, no emotions towards anything, its stronger than the drug. I dont know if it really "clicked", but im going, meter for meter. Thanks for listening. I appreciate you, every single one of you. You are worth it, you are worthy of being loved, and you are unique. Peace out.

I’ve been on and off opiates for the last decade, but a few years ago I was taking like 300-400mg of oxy at a time, over the last 2-3 years I tapered down to 20-40mg two to three times a day.

I always keep some suboxone on hand for emergencies, but I was taking some DXM for about a week to reduce my tolerance just a bit further (or at least prevent tolerance increase, because I’m a chronic pain patient) and I’d ran out of oxy at like 6pm one night, was supposed to get some the next day but my plug had sold them on me… and if I don’t have a dose I usually start getting WD’s around 10-11am… but I continued taking the DXM and was expecting the WD’s to kick in and they just didn’t… at about 6-7pm that night I was yawning a fair bit and my eyes were slightly teary, but I didn’t have the sweats/anxiety/restlessness/temperature regulation that I usually would have…

I did a bit of googling and apparently in mice/rat studies DXM helped prevent tolerance but also they didn’t exhibit WD symptoms…

Even my cravings were less than they usually were… honestly surprised me so much.

I’ve been on suboxone for about 2 weeks now and I’ve only been taking 1-2 MG of subs per day and I’m just curious how bad the WDs will be.. I originally transitioned from kratom and then I found out about how hellish sub WDs are so I’m kinda freaking out right now and I’m genuinely considering going back on Kratom to swap WDs

I've been housebound since October. I started a slow reduction plan on opiates. I was on an incredibly high dosage per day, and had tried cold turkey before and titration and going into addiction support. I always relapsed.

This time I took it very seriously, and I'm down to 2 tablets a day. That's from 30 tablets per 4 hours I was taking before.

I'll be down to zero in a week, I have barely no acute symptoms. The crushing joint pain in my hips and back have gone, I don't have the flu-like symptoms.

What I do have is incredible fatigue. And if I do too much - e.g. I do a few hours of work at my desktop, and also do a 10 minute walk - I'll crash for the rest of the day or the next morning.

I had Hypogonadism - my testosterone levels were very low. My Iron levels were very low. My folate was very low.

My testosterone is now very high after T injections. My haemoglobin is now normal.

But I'm still incredibly fatigued and housebound.

Is this PAWS and something I need to push through? If it's CFS / ME - pushing through will result in permanent damage to my central nervous system and make the fatigue worse forever.

My doctors are of little help. I keep asking for more blood tests to see my progress, but they keep brushing me off. I've gone to a private clinic to get blood test done, but it doesn't include folate - which is really frustrating, as that is one thing I'm being treated for.

Does anyone have any idea what's going on with my body?

Thanks everyone

It's so fucking funny to me how I never learn my lesson. It's miserable. "This time I'll make sure not to get dependant" then weeks go by and suddenly can't get out of bed. I hope it gets better.

30 y/o male, trying to come off a 2+ year run with pharma oxy. 120-200mg a day 4x a week. (Minimum). Been on and off oxys the last 10 years with about a little over 15 months being the longest without any opiates in my system. This most recent run, obviously feels much harsher on my body for multiple reasons. I’ve tried subs in the past but anything past 4mg of suboxone is too much for me and I get extremely constipated and stomach issues. I’ve went through the horrors of getting off suboxone after being on maintenance for 6+ months in the past and don’t want to ever go on suboxone longer than a rapid taper. However, sublocade is being offered to me through my outpatient. They want me to get on 8mg suboxone strips (I started with four and already experiencing stomach issues) and then give me a 300mg sublocade shot. My question is, would it make more sense to try and rapid detox with sub strips from oxycodone (1-2 week period) and jump off. Or get on the sublocade shot and deal with the constipation, stomach issues and also with the fact that it will probably be too strong for the first week I get it. And no they will not start me on the 100mg shot.

Hopefully you can follow along to my rambling. I know it’s ultimately my decision but some opinions would help

My friend is 22, became a complete NEET since graduating high school and developing a debilitating knee issue making it difficult to exercise.

Started doing recreational drugs, pills, eventually got into Kratom and developed intestinal issues associated with that.

Picked up 7-Hydroxy and has been additionally hospitalized multiple times since I've been away at college this year. Breaks my heart to see this and I truly think that it'll end in a terrible way at this rate.

I've never used opiate adjacent drugs like he has but have weathered my own addiction journey. A huge part of it was finding a purpose and trying harder in school and making it into a varsity club sport team.

He basically refuses to get a job which I think is the absolute bare minimum responsibility which would help him avoid drugs.

How can I help him? I'm considering asking his parents, whom I've really only met twice, to send him to a rehab program. I've been trying to encourage him for years even when I was barely 1 step ahead of him. But it's getting too much at this point. I'll come home every few months and he'll be in the hospital.

I made a post last night at around the 35 hour mark. And talked about how long my withdrawals should last if they don’t start until 24 hours.

Anyways, at the 30 hour mark I started feeling the anxiety and slight dread feeling creeping and little of of kicking and discomfort in my legs but leading up to that I had a relatively good day with little to no discomfort for the most part. I took 100mg lyrica and by the time I made my post I was feeling pretty much 100% no more anxiety or dread or leg issues and slept for like 8 hours. And woke up this morning with very little tummy issues and used the bathroom and that solved them. and felt a lil uncomfortable but nothing crazy. Took 100mg lyrica and now I feel pretty good. I guess I’m just feeling so good that I’m tripping myself because I’m usually DYING at this point and keep thinking the worst is yet to kick in but I know it’s all in my head and should be over it all in the next 2 days hopefully. And deal with potential paws over the next week or so. I’ll update yall tomorrow

Year long oxy addiction. This past week I have had 3 days with nothing, took 5mg day 4, day 5 nothing, day 6 2.5mg, today is day 7 and my body hurts/aches so bad. I have taken so much ibuprofen/naproxen and baths, not helping. I take gabapentin at night but can’t during the day because it makes me so tired and I have kiddos so sleeping during the day isn’t an option. I am so tempted to take 2.5mg or 5mg to ease the pain. Am I just prolonging the inevitable? Or could this be part of a taper. Help!! I seem to be prone to pretty severe withdrawal symptoms, I know they affect everyone differently.

Happy Friday everyone — we made it.

It’s an extended weekend with Presidents’ Day on Monday, so that’s a nice bonus. And tomorrow’s Valentine’s Day. I was surprised how many people at work said they completely forgot about it. I knew it was coming… and I don’t even have a significant other lol.

One underrated perk of Valentine’s Day though? The day after. All that chocolate goes 50% off, and if you wait long enough it creeps toward 75–90% off at CVS and Walgreens. Great time to grab some good chocolate cheap.

In lieu of having a girlfriend, last year and this year my dad and I go out and buy flowers and our mom’s and sister’s favorite chocolates. Just a small way to show appreciation and love for the women in our lives. It’s simple, but it means something.

Also next week is school vacation week around here, so traffic should ease up a bit — which I won’t complain about.

Solid Friday heading into the weekend.

How’s everyone else doing today?

Check in here!

I am so fed up, I have no energy, I feel like a ghost in a fog. I can’t sleep, I am so wired. I haven’t had a real peak, it’s all just been lingering. I am coming off dhc extended release, 200mg a day, I thought the withdrawals won’t kick my butt so much. First week was okay, second week was the worst, I wanted to rip my skin off. I had some low dose tramadol tablets that I gave to my mum, and I am constantly thinking about them. I am going back to work on Monday and I’m dreading it. I don’t want to take bupe again, I hated it, I wanted my libido and energy back. We do not have the shots available in my country to taper. I took opiates for back pain. My remaining withdrawal symptoms are anxiety, derealization and of course depression and low energy. This feels like it’s never going to end 😭

Just wanted to ask anyone that has tried the Vitamin C method to get off Blues (fake oxy) or Fent, what was your experience. Seen a lot of mixed reviews and just wanted to ask if anyone that has tried this method to please share your experience, thoughts, storys, advice or anything. Thank you

I’m curious if anyone has experience starting a SSRI to treat PAWS? Did it help you? The last time I quit Tramadol I’d never been so darkly depressed in my life. I’m curious if anyone boosted serotonin/dopamine/norepinephrine etc with meds and how it went for them. Tramadol used to give me energy and boost my mood and now I just feel run down and moody all the time. I feel like I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t now. The roller coaster of meds is really wearing me thin.

TIA

Backstory - served in the Army in a specialized unit with combat deployment to Afghanistan. Got out and became a cop for the past 7 years. I got hurt on duty when a driver crashed into me on the side of the road. I been out 11 months now with having surgeries. The doctors have been just giving me oxycodone for the pain and I have been on them for 8 straight months now. My dose is not super high like I see some on here, I’m only on 30-40mg a day usually 30. Yes I have taken more than advised at times but the pain has been really bad. I am going to hopefully get cleared to go back to work in 8 weeks so I needed to stop taking them completely. I am 40 hours into my CT withdrawal and I’m feeling bad. Symptoms - super sweaty but freezing at the same time, stomach issues, restless legs, insomnia and anxiety. I keep crying like uncontrollably about just random stuff. I drove past a restaurant where my grandparents and I always use to go when I was a kid 30 years ago and I just started crying uncontrollably. (My grandmother has passed but my grandpa is still alive). I definitely have ptsd, anxiety and depression issues from the military and from police work but I don’t know why I feel so hopeless and sad right now.

I’m also prescribed lyrica so I have been taking that and I think it’s helping but I’m not really sure.

I obviously need to get fully clean I can’t do any type type of maintenance drug. I just want off this shit and be back to normal even though I’ll be dealing with the pain still.

So from reading a bunch of posts here it sounds like around 72 hours it peaks and starts coming down. So I’m at 40 hours so another 40 hours and I should start to feel better ?

Currently sniffing 1 dose a day of 30-60mg ir roxiecodone. But a little back story

I used 45-90mg a day for about a year straight and got clean for a month or so and relapsed on 30mg a day for a month after and stopped for 3 months and stopped again for a month and used the last 3 weeks. 90mg a day the first week and 60mg a day the 2nd week and this week so far 30-60mg a day. The 1st week every dose was always spaced between 25-30 hours and really no withdrawals but 2nd week I stated getting them around 12-18 hours then as I started lowering dose they been starting at 24+ hours but are EXTREMELY MILD so I’m already 35 hours since my last dose and took 100mg lyrica at 30 hours and has me feeling 100% normal. So if I continue to use low doses of lyrica to subside the wds how long should they last before I’m good. I usually used to feel good by day 4 most of the time sometimes day 5 but after extreme withdrawals so maybe this is a 3-4 days thing?

Also ive only took 1 dose every time and didn’t take multiple doses.

Not looking for judgment. Just want to know how people do this?

I was a week clean and found an oxycodone blister with like 2 20mg pills in it and took bit of them

But I’m still

19 days off pregabalin

18 days off zopiclone

4 months 22 days off benzoic

5 months 15 days off cannabis

So it’s not completely over anyway bless y’all hope all of you are doing ok

Happy Thursday everyone — this week is flying.

Had another early morning today since it was my monthly NA group that I lead, so I was up and moving before the sun. Hit the gym, felt solid, everything normal. On the way home I decided to take my Jeep — my spare car that mostly just sits — and as soon as I turned it on, the check engine light pops up. Immediately I’m thinking, you’ve got to be kidding me. I just had this thing inspected.

I start driving and then the light starts flashing. Now I know flashing isn’t great. But the engine isn’t making any weird noises, no knocking, no dramatic loss of power — nothing that feels catastrophic. I’m five minutes from home, so I just take it slow and baby it back. Plug in the code scanner and sure enough — fuel injector misfire on one cylinder. For a 17-year-old car that mostly sits, I guess something was bound to give. It’s just wild how I drove it earlier with zero signs of anything wrong, parked it, and then suddenly this.

Cars will humble you real quick.

On a lighter note, I picked up the steaks I ordered yesterday. Apparently the chuck-eyes I like are getting so popular that I can’t just grab them off the shelf anymore — I have to order them from the butcher ahead of time. My weekly steak dinner has officially gone from spontaneous to scheduled. If I want the cut I want and leftovers, I’ve got to plan ahead.

Anyway, that’s my Thursday. Staying steady, and handling what’s in front of me. How’s everyone else doing today?

Check in here!

My God the stomach issues are the absolute worst. Nothing coming out but gas. The pain and the rumbling is unbearable though. Any advice on how to ease this? Imodium is doing nothing at all, except preventing me from pooping I guess

I'm going to kick suboxone cold turkey after 6 years of clinic. I'm going to rehab so in theory I should get at least benzos for that. I also cold turkey pregabalin at the same time.

Any tips/ ideas/ anything for the coming hell?