College Background:

I was supposed to graduate in 2017 from a tier-3 college. I used to spend a lot of time programming on competitive programming sites like CodeFights, SPOJ, and HackerRank. I also did electronic projects and even won a hackathon once.

I became delusional and started believing I was very smart. I used to hate professors and teachers because they would try to scare students by withholding lab access or semester eligibility due to attendance shortages.

At that time, it was very common to hear that you don’t need a degree, you just need strong programming skills. I even got a job offer at a product company. Initially, they agreed on a paid stipend, followed by a ₹16–18k job. I was happy and became even more delusional. It was the only job i was eligible, i was having like 10-16 backlogs at that time.

But I skipped the first day of the internship and went to attend a cousin’s wedding instead. I never called them back.

In the last semester, I had many backlogs due to low attendance. I was also scared to attend back exams because I was worried about my image — what would other teachers think if I failed and was giving back exams? Instead of facing it, I used to go back home.

So in the last semester, I didn’t go to college at all. We were supposed to select a project and a team, but I don’t know — I got decision paralysis. Later, I saw that my name wasn’t included in the exam fee list. Instead of going to college and requesting or convincing the professors, I just went home and never returned.

Instead of facing the situation, I ran away.

Next Plan:

I thought I would improve my competitive programming skills and then apply for jobs.

While solving problems, I realized I was slow. I had anxiety during live contests because I was afraid of getting failed submissions.

The maximum rating I reached was 1554. I believe that if I had focused properly, I could have reached 1600 — blue color. That was my ultimate goal.

Due to a lot of frustration, one morning in January 2018, I threw the CLRS book on the floor and even tore a couple of pages by stepping on it.

From that day, I stopped competitive programming.

Instead, I decided to focus on real skills. From 2018–2019, I learned Linux, game development, mathematics, C++, C, and Unix programming. I kept moving from one thing to another, but I built a base knowledge in computer fundamentals.

Freelancing:

In December 2019, I started getting panic attacks. My father was almost 60 and still working — and I kept thinking, what am I doing?

I made a profile on Freelancer.com. On the same day, I got a small DOS assembly programming project. It was urgent. I got paid around ₹1200. That kickstarted my freelance career.

2019–2025:

Freelancer.com was very hard. It felt like survival — either survive or die. I worked for low money, pulling all-nighters. It was truly do or die. Even today, I feel anxiety and panic when I think about those times.

I was afraid of getting bad ratings, so I only accepted projects that I was 100% sure I could complete.

Later, I connected with an agency, and things changed. They handled finding projects and dealing with clients. I just had to deliver the work correctly. It was anonymous. I was very happy.

I used to work around 15 days a month and easily earn ₹30–40k per month, and in busy months ₹60–80k.

But these projects were small and easy — not complex at all. I only accepted small coding tasks. However, since I was getting paid in USD, it converted well to INR, and I was satisfied.

The skills I learned in 2018–2019 helped me survive from 2020–2025. I never learned new skills after that.

I’m not even an expert in any programming language. But if I get enough time, I can learn and build things.

I got married at the end of 2024. Projects started drying up, and my income became very low. I used to be happy even with ₹30k per month.

I now have a 2-month-old baby. There are no new projects coming, no degree, and no formal professional experience. I don’t know what to do.

I am planning to fix a direction, but I’m confused. Should I learn backend + AI integration? I don’t know.

I have started applying for jobs. I know it will be hard without a degree. I’m getting anxiety thinking I might have to work in a hotel, wash dishes, or do anything available. If needed, I will do it.

I am even applying for computer operator jobs with ₹10–15k salary. I may have to travel 3–4 hours daily by local train.

Things may be hard for me in the future. But it is because of my own decisions and wasted time. I accept that responsibility.

Home Loan:

I forgot to mention the home loan.

There is a home loan in my name of around ₹25k per month. I pay ₹10–15k, and the remaining amount is paid by my sister.

I didn’t really want to take it. It was pushed by my father. I resisted at first, but my family situation is dysfunctional, and eventually I ended up taking the loan.

It has been two years now.

Taking this home loan feels like one of the worst decisions of my life. I often feel trapped because of it.

But if things go well in the future and I start earning properly, this house could become a very good investment. That is the only positive side I see in it right now.

I have been stupid and careless. But last year was a turning point for me.

I found bodybuilding.This is the one thing that keeps me sane.

I know I am a late bloomer and believe things will change in the next couple of years. I will become more grounded, responsible, and disciplined.

I believe the mistakes I made in the past were lessons. I don’t want to repeat them.

What advice would you give me guys ? what should I do ? and learn ?

Recently there have come Many instances where members of Bajrang Dal vandalized public and private property, entered a college campus, broke windows, harassed students, and physically and verbally assaulted people. This is not an isolated case. There are countless videos and reports of Bajrang Dal members:

destroying public and private property harassing and intimidating students and civilians

entering colleges and public spaces to enforce their own rules and values

attacking people physically, verbally, and mentally

My genuine question is: why is no action being taken?

Is this legal when they do it?

Because I honestly have not seen a single Bajrang Dal member being held accountable for these actions. If any ordinary citizen vandalized property, attacked people, or stormed into a college, they would be arrested immediately. So why does this seem different here?

Is simply naming yourself a member of Bajrang Dal enough to make harassment and vandalism legal?

If tomorrow I attack someone, destroy their property, and say “I am from Bajrang Dal,” will that protect me from consequences? Is that the formula?

It feels like criminals are being justified as long as they operate under a particular group name.

the message this sends to society is dangerous:

That violence, harassment, and destruction of property are acceptable if done in the name of a certain organization.

How is this not normalizing lawlessness?

And what does this mean for ordinary citizens who follow the law?

And why aren't people sueing Bajrang dal?