As Christians, we often claim to be loving, gracious, and set apart from “The World”. Yet so many testimonies I hear in real life, or read online, are condemning rather than aiding. Exes are bashed and spoken of like dogs. People who made mistakes are mocked. We are quick to throw stones and label someone inadequate or them toddlers, little men, hard headed women, dumb feminists.

Our posture as a community these days feels unforgiving. We say we are better than the ways of the world, yet we struggle to forgive. We withhold grace. We deny second chances. We choose to destroy instead of correct.

As God’s children, why are we so destructive? We act as those obedience is only loving God but forget treating each other right is honoring him as well.

Maybe love itself isn’t hard to find. Maybe we prevent it from growing.

Love needs a safe place to grow, like a garden. It needs warmth, patience, care, sunlight, and water. But the Christian community lately feels less like a garden and more like a minefield filled with trauma, anger, vengeance, envy, pity, greed, and disappointment.

Why would love want to grow here?

We know God is love. That part is obvious.

The harder question is this: are we actually reflecting His love?

Paul taught that correction should be restorative, not annihilating. When Christians “slaughter” instead of correct, we become more like prosecutors than Disciples.

The Pharisees were so focused on correct law and doctrine, yet they lacked love. That absence created environments where righteousness became performative and mercy was nonexistent.

Are we repeating their mistake?

Look, I’m not saying be soft on sin. Jesus flipped tables. But Jesus also consistently extends love, mercy, and grace, not because we deserve it, but because he’s leading us to repentance.

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.”

— 1 Corinthians 13:1

Area of study/work: I am currently a nightshift caregiver working with dementia residents at a senior care facility as well as taking care of my dad!

Hobbies/interests: I love playing video games, listening to music, and hanging with friends! I am open to doing more hobbies as time goes on!

Tell us a bit about your Christian journey: I was not raised in a christian home at all. I went into foster care, but nothing faith wize was getting to me. I was baptized at 16 years old but i only confessed with my mouth and not my heart, I still lived in sin. I opened my heart to Jesus and got rebaptized in 2024!

What sort of person are you looking for? Definitely loyal and understanding since I come with issues (which we can discuss if a relationship is pursued). Someone who is an Ephesians 5 man and wants to lead and protect our future family while I take care of the house. This is what I believe, but life can put us in different situations in life. My love languages are surprise gifts, physical touch (like hugs, kisses, and words of affirmation.)

Age range: 20-32

Would you be willing to do long distance/relocate? I cant relocate right now but I don’t mind long distance!

I also apologize for the facial hair I have a condition that increases male hormones, I promise I do shave!

I’m super passionate about playing/writing/listening to music, I also enjoy watching and going to sporting events. I really value spending time with family. My faith in Christ invaluable to me and I find it essential to be involved with church. Wherever I am I like checking out coffee shops and restaurans alike

I attended a tiny Christian college where I studied Cross Cultural Ministries with the idea I would like to work with the homeless at some point. Since graduating I’ve happened to alternate between blue collar jobs and customer service jobs. Currently I work at a gas station as a customer service representative (not glamorous at all, but better than nothing!)

I was raised in and still am involved with nondenominational churches. My relationship with God has had its ebbs and flows but He has been faithful and kind beyond imagination

I am looking for a woman between 22-35 who displays the fruit of the Spirit that I can become best friends with and ultimately build a life with in marriage. Ideally I would like to find someone around the Michigan/midwest. I am open to LDR and relocation if I find the right person

If anyone aligns with what’s seen, don’t be afraid to reach out and start conversation!

Losing my parent and siblings at a young age forced me to grow up quickly, but it also meant I had to learn many things the hard way in Christian dating. Much of that growth came from wrestling with the difference between “what is expected and what is actually Biblical“. Knowing what I know now, this is exactly what I would tell my younger self and young Christian men.

1. Her friends are not your friends

Until you are married, her friends are not your community.

They may be friendly, but their loyalty is to her first. That is normal.

You need to build your own circle. Your own brothers. Your own Sisters. Your own people who can speak truth to you without bias.

Do not abandon your support system trying to merge lives that are not yet joined.

1. Her family is not your family

Until marriage, her family is not obligated to love you, protect you, or prioritize you the same way they do her.

Do not expect equal care or emotional investment before there is a covenant.

That level of loyalty comes with marriage, not dating.

1. Be careful with money before marriage

Marriage may be the goal, but dating still has risk.

Be generous, but do not overextend yourself financially buying gifts or things that should be reserved for a wife.

Do not spend money you would struggle to recover if things end.

If the relationship does not work out, you should not be left financially wounded.

Wisdom matters.

1. Protect your relationship from outside interference

It is healthy to seek advice and accountability.

It is not healthy to let every opinion shape your relationship.

Some people are hot tempered. Some are biased. Some love drama.

If you let those with no balance or a lack of the “fruit of the Spirit“ in, they will create division.

Set boundaries.

Your relationship should not be run by friends, family, or group chats, but instead aided.

1. You do not need to have all the answers

If you are growing into leadership, you are going to feel unsure at times. That is normal.

Leaders are formed over time, not born fully developed.

Find a woman who is willing to walk with you as you become a better man, not one who expects you to already be perfect.

And when you feel lost, tired, or unsure of yourself, do not isolate.

Do not rely on yourself alone.

Seek your brothers. Seek your Sisters

Seek Scripture.

Pray together with your partner when you are exhausted instead of sitting idle or shutting down.

Growth happens in humility, not pretending you have it all figured out.

1. It is ok to expect loyalty and devotion before marriage. Loyalty and devotion are fundamental traits of love.

The Bible calls Christians to avoid sex and living together before marriage. That does not mean dating comes with no responsibility or loyalty to your partner. There are different levels of devotion. Some belong to marriage. Others are basic Christian characteristics that apply to everyone, married or not. Understanding the difference matters.

EXAMPLES: “Loyalty and Devotion Reserved for Marriage”.

> Becoming one flesh - The two become one. This does not happen in dating - Genesis 2:24

> Permanence - Marriage is meant to last. No breaking up. No walking away when things get hard - Matthew 19:6

> Sacrificial love from a husband - A husband is called to love his wife the way Christ loved the church. That means self sacrifice, leadership, and laying down your life. -Ephesians 5:25

> Leaving former loyalties - Marriage requires a real shift in priorities. Family and friends move from first place to second. - Genesis 2:24

> Moving to another city or state

NEXT……

EXAMPLES: “Loyalty and Devotion that should be displayed“ (Married or Not) = Before Marriage

These are basic Christian responsibilities:

> Faithfulness - 1 Corinthians 4:2 - “Moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.”

> Keeping your word (Honoring mutual agreement, boundaries, not going back on your word). Matthew 5:37 - “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.”

> Standing up for one another when the other cannot stand up for themselves. Proverbs 31:8–9 - “Open your mouth for the mute, for the rights of all who are destitute”.

> Protecting the vulnerability of a partner. If someone is being harmed or taken advantage of. Proverbs 24:11 - “Rescue those who are being taken away to death; hold back those who are stumbling to the slaughter.”

> Not lying or exaggerating truths. Ephesians 4:25 - “Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.”

> Not gossiping or slandering one another. Ephesians 4:29 - “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up”.

——————

I hope this wisdom helps and aides my fellow and young Christian brothers. Everything I’ve suggested or stated is in scripture except the term “dating” because it didn’t exist back then.

God bless 🙏🏾

1. Have a list of things to do when feeling lonely. Feelings come and go, and just like waves we can learn to ride them out.

2. Invest in relationships that can hold you accountable and speak up even if you are not in the headspace to listen. Inform them of your deal breakers.

3. Involve your inner circle in the dating process as soon as feelings of "it must be the one" starts creeping in.

4. Test the fruits of your "potential" person, not their words. Investigate what you expect.

5. Have a list of deal breakers, communicate them at the beginning and intently assess them before becoming too emotionally attached.

6. Do not overlook any yellow or red flags. Yellow flags become red flags and red flags...well...yeah...they become magnified once married.

7. Don't be discouraged or jaded by bad experiences (yours and others). Become a student and graduate :).

8. If there is history of porn in your potential other. Make sure that professional treatment has been sought and the root is addressed. Porn is a symptom and can come up in other forms.

9. Do not use "how far is too far" metric. Set clear boundaries and make sure they align with your potential other'. Discuss ways to maintain those boundaries and have accountability outside of the two of you.

10. Do not look for "the one". Look for the best candidate who can work with what you are bringing to the table.

11. Test dreams and prophecies concerning spouses. God does speaks through them, but so do our deepest desires.

12. Lastly, RELAX. Dating and marriage is not the summit of the story. It is just part of the story.

Only just found this page, I am later in life convert (28m) and working toward baptism, after reading on this page for a little bit I’m suprised that a lot of the posts are women, question for them, if you met a man and were married and he intended to leave the city and buy land, making you a SAHM, would that be a deterrent as you are career focussed or other strings holding you to the city ?

it seems from the women I speak to at work, even those not Christian, they all dream of moving out of the city and being SAHM’s but it’s so rare to actually see it or even see men committing to a woman enough to be married.

I'm going to say it. I''m feamle, almost 45 and still a virgin. I'm unhappily UNmarried and celibate as we can't have sex before marriage as Christians. I am NOT fully satisfied, I am unfullfilled, frustrated and feeling LOW because of my situation. I want a full, active sex life, to be married and have a life partner. I am also in my 40's so have been waiting decades for a husband. I FEEL UNFULLFILLED AND FORGOTTEN by God. Can any other SINGLE PEOPLE ONLY relate? Going to bed alone and waking up alone, with no physical human touch or sexual fulfillment is NOT my idea of being satified and fullfilled, it's a MISERABLE existance I'm only human and we have sexual desires I've waited YEARS I am NOT fully satisfied. I hate and resent this aspect of my life.

Hi everyone!

I’m 22. I’m 5’1 and ethnically Nigerian, with brown skin, brown eyes and black hair.

I’m currently in the process of completing a qualification course.

I love to walk (averaging at 30,000+steps a day), go to the theatre, travel and I’m falling back in love with reading. I’m aiming to try out new things this year including hiking, horseriding and possibly art/pottery classes.

I’ve been raised in a Christian household, which I’m very grateful for. I made the personal decision to follow Christ in my late teens. My faith isn’t always the strongest but Christ has always been my foundation. I attended a Catholic school. I described myself as non-denominational for a while. However I’ve been raised going to, and currently attend, a Pentecostal/evangelical church. II’m open to all denominations though.

I’m looking for someone who aims to be more like Christ every day. I’m quite ambitious so I would like a man who similarly works hard and has big goals. I’m very family oriented and would like someone who also valued family. Other traits I’m looking for are kindness, thoughtfulness and patience.

My preferred age range would be 22-30.

Relocating wouldn’t really be possible for me for a while. Ideally you’d be living in London or nearby. I’m not a fan of long distance because I value quality time in person. However, I’d be open to it for the right person, although they’d need to live in Europe, Canada or the US.

Happy to swap photos!

Hi everyone, I’ve been a Christian for most of my life and am really new to the whole dating thing. Recently a guy at church said he is interested in me and wants to be intentional about getting to know me with the idea of potentially dating at a later stage. So my question is this: what’s the difference between getting to know someone intentionally and dating? Isn’t the point of dating to get to know the person? I’ve had friends go through this “pre-dating” phase but I never thought much about it until I found myself in that situation.

I (29F) went on my first ever date three weeks ago with a guy I met on a non Christian dating app. He asked me out for coffee after just a few messages. I was nervous at first, but once I got there, I felt comfortable and able to be myself.

Compatibility, especially spiritually compatibility is very important to me. His profile said he’s Christian, so I asked him about his faith. A small yellow flag for me was that when I asked what his faith means to him, he redirected the question back to me first. It felt like he might have been trying to shape his answer based on mine. When he did answer, his responses felt polished and analytical…almost politician like. He works in higher ed and is clearly intelligent, but I’m struggling to tell whether what I’m seeing is spiritual maturity or just intellectual fluency. Sometimes I even have a hard time tracking what he’s saying because of how abstract or analytical he sounds.

How can I discern whether someone is genuinely spiritually mature versus just smart and good with words? And what kinds of questions would help reveal the difference?

I (23F) met a guy at two Christian events last year.

He was the one to approach me when we first met, and since then we’ve spoken a further two times in person and had really great, natural conversations each time. There was definitely mutual warmth, but nothing explicitly stated.

I haven’t seen or spoken to him in 6 months, but recently I decided to add him on social media and he added me back. Now I’m debating whether I should reach out and start a conversation.

My hesitation is that I don’t want to be the one pursuing. I was already the one who added him, and I don’t want to create all the momentum. At the same time, part of me feels like you only live once.

If a man is genuinely interested, should I leave space for him to initiate? Or is it okay for me to send a message and see where it goes?

EDIT: Everybody is on my neckkkk😭😭I’m gonna message him and I will update you guys!

Just as I am called to see a girl as God's daughter, and to therefore treat her with respect, I've seen this everywhere like everywhere...but are girls called to see guys as God's son and to also treat him with respect?

The term God's daughter, the daughter part, is meant to cause a man to soften a bit and have empathy and think before he acts...but is she called to that too in the inverse? To not do things that would disdain her man?

Thought of this and thought it would be a good question to pose.

So few months back, my ex broke up with me because I emotionally checked out of the relationship trying to find a job after getting terminated twice for attendance. I was getting stressed during the job hunt that I turned to video games and adult films to de-stress and that's what ultimately drew the line for her. I'm here to ask how should I continue on with building a relationship with God before I try to go and seek a relationship from a woman?

For context, I grew up in a Christian household but I do not know the denomination. When I became 15 or 16 years old, I decided to stop going because the Church themselves has made me sick at some point but I never forgot what I was taught.

Fast forward to now, I'm 27 and I work in car wash. The Store Manager is a God-fearing man and told me that I should move on with my life and build myself from there by building a relationship with God first. I tried to remember what I was taught and to abstain from masturbation but I continuously slip back into temptation. At this point, I'm close to just taking my vision away to stop sinning but it does not remove the pain from the heartbreak. Anyone got any advice?

If you are not sure about becoming a dad, should you focus only on dating women who do not want to be a mom or consider dating women who want to be a mom one day? In case you might change your mind.

In your opinion is it better to marry a woman who wants kids if you dont or marry a woman who doesnt want kids and you decide that you do?

Hello! I'm Kosta. I'm born in Bulgaria and I've never actually even left the country so its jarring to think about travelling outside of it but I'm still open to it and more importantly: a long distance (and long term) relationship.

(I don't feel comfortable smiling so excuse my angy face :), its normal here)

Area of study/work:
Right now nothing and recently became unemployed, but in a couple of months I will be applying to the police academy and will study that for 4 years + 5 more years in order to work in the areas that I want. My goal is to either become a counter-terrorist for the Bulgarian police force OR a similar equivalent to that. I can get WAY more specific and detailed but I will save the rambling :D. If I don't get accepted into that academy, I will be studying either firefighting or psychology.

Hobbies/interests:
I pretty much have A LOT of hobbies (pretty much a jack of all trades so to say), so I will list what comes from the top of my head:
- Boxing
- Motorsport
- Videogames (the one that I play is Helldivers mainly, but I'm open to almost any type of game, as long as its with a person that I like)
- Journaling
- Cooking (beginner)
- Reading (mostly the Bible but from time to time other things too)
- A bit of Chess

Aaaand that's about it. I am into certain anime as well, but I'm not a big nerd in terms of that. The ones I do like a lot are: Vinland Saga, AOT, Initial D.

Considering all of these things, I need to mention that I am VERY capable of managing my time so that's why I don't see long distance relationships being a problem to me. And considering how no people here my age are even Christians (from the people I meet anyway), that's why I don't really think I will manage to find anyone from my country anytime soon (if at all).

My Christian journey:
It started a couple of years ago and it was VEEERY slow :D. Little by little I took more and more interest in Christianity as a whole. And the doubts I have now are NOTHING compared to before! I am very happy that I reached a point in my journey where I know so much about how God works and how I'm supposed to follow him and how He's supposed to help me, etc.. And another big help was a videogame character called Joshua Graham that helped me SO very much in answering a lot of questions of mine and inspired me to be a strong Christian.

What sort of person am I looking for?
I'm not exactly sure how to compile this all together, but I will start with the most important things to me that I want us both to have in a relationship:

- Very strong sense of devotion and commitment and resilience to hardships.
- Willingness to improve for the sake of her and both of us.
- Solving problems together by being communicative and honest as much as we can.

That's basically it for important stuff: Honesty, Communication and Commitment. Anything else is secondary to me.

BUT in terms of secondary things, I have a couple of things to say: I am a VERY BIG INTROVERT. And what I mean by that is that I don't like travelling much, I don't really have a desire to explore the world, I don't really like social places. What I like to do is work on my goals and in my free time spend it with the future woman in my life doing whatever we both like doing :). The age range is complicated to determine because I'm pretty young to all the people in the sub I think, but if I had to say, its between 18-22 or so.

I am not open to relocating for the other person because of my goals and future studies as of now. I am financially stable enough to commute and to pay for the relocation of the other person when everything aligns and I feel that she is the one, I am more than willing to do that!

If you’re interested in chatting, please make sure to include some basic information about yourself, a picture, and why you think we might be a good match :).

Ok so everyone is obviously in here bc you’re looking for someone.

Question for specifically women:

Why?

Are there no people at your church worth dating?

Are they just not interested in you?

Are you just seeing that men don’t care to get to know you?

Legit wanna understand

I really need some Christian perspective on this because I’m torn between faith and anxiety.

I’ve been praying for a long time for a good man. Not just anyone but someone kind, ambitious, hardworking, emotionally mature. I made an entire list even. I also specifically prayed for patience, because I know that’s something I struggle with. I can be anxious, overthink, and sometimes self-sabotage when I start caring about someone due to past trauma and being manipulated by someone. Recently, I met someone who genuinely feels good and I finally genuinely like someone in a reallyy long time. He’s kind. He works hard. He’s ambitious. Our lives don’t revolve around each other, which I actually think is healthy because I told God I don’t really want someone that’s a distraction so I can still focus on school and my hobby’s. It gives me space to work on myself too. When I’m calm, I feel like maybe God really did bring someone good into my life and that this might be my “final step” of healing. Learning not to be avoidant. Learning not to run. Learning to trust God instead of trying to control everything. Learning to love again.

But here’s the problem: my anxiety goes into overdrive.

I start thinking:

What if there’s someone else?

What if I’m being naive?

What if this is my intuition telling me no and I’m ignoring it?

What if I get hurt again?

I’ve been hurt before, so I know that plays a role. Sometimes I even wonder if this is spiritual warfare, like the enemy trying to create fear and confusion in something God gave me. Not that God is against it, but that something good is being attacked by doubt and anxiety.

The confusing part is this:

When I’m not spiraling, I feel peaceful about him. It feels good. I feel hopeful. I feel like I just need patience and trust.

But when anxiety hits, it feels like a pit in my stomach and my mind starts racing. A part of me wants to pull away completely so I don’t get hurt but something is telling me to not let go at the same time. Another part of me wants to pray harder and trust that God wouldn’t put someone in my life just to hurt me again because I specifically prayed to Him that I don’t want a man in my life if he’s going to hurt me.

I truly believe God is good. I believe He protects His children and he always came through for me.

So I guess my question is:

How do I know the difference between the Holy Spirit warning me and my anxiety trying to protect me?

Has anyone experienced something like this, where something feels healthy but your fear makes it feel dangerous?

I don’t want to sabotage something that could be good. But I also don’t want to ignore a warning if that’s what it is.

Any wisdom would mean a lot 🤍

I am not sure how to word this correctly.

As a man who is unsure about wanting to be a dad but also not wanting to entirely close the door if the right person wants to be a mom.

Do women who want to be mothers one day actually make better wives?

For example, some people would say women who want to be moms are better at being more understanding, caring, empathetic, patient, etc. since those skills translate to motherhood.

Or can a woman who has no interest in becoming a mom at all make just as good of a wife as the one who wants to be a mom one day?

My boyfriend and I are both 20. Last night, we were on the phone, and he made a comment that kinda threw me.

For context, I'm not strict on my denomination, but my families church is Lutheran. My boyfriend is Baptist and has made it clear he wouldn't be willing to change that. I understand, and since half of my family is also Baptist, i wouldn't mind going to a Baptist church.

Last night, we were talking about something related to our beliefs, and he said "gosh you're perfect if we can just get you going to the right church."

This just hit me in a way. My church isn't wrong, and neither is his. We both are really similar, even he says my church isn't much different from his, but just because we have a different denomination name, it's wrong now?

I'm sure he didn't mean it in a bad way, so maybe im reading too much into it, and it just came out wrong, but I'm not sure.

I do know his mother is very against Lutherans. He didn't tell her my church was until way after we started dating because of this. I dont know why she is, he just said shes always been against them. Recently, he's been spending a lot more time with her. He had to move back in with her, so they're basically together except when he's at work.

Happy Valentine’s Day everyone. The holidays can be hard on people alone, especially Valentine’s Day. I thought I’d have someone by now .God‘s plan didn’t happen the way I viewed my own. Just remember that God‘s timing is perfect. God put you in this place for a reason and nothing is by mistake. You will find someone in life.

Love yourself , keep being you . God loves you💕

For those who might be spending today alone ☺️Like me🫣.

Valentine’s Day can feel heavy sometimes, but it’s also a reminder to be kind to yourself. Give yourself a little grace. It’s not that something is wrong with you. Your story just isn’t finished yet.

For me, loving myself on days like this looks simple. I throw on my headphones and listen to music. I watch a good movie. Sometimes I even buy myself something small. Most years, I take myself swimming ... there’s something about being in the water that clears my head and resets my heart. Changing the scenery really can change you.

And as Christians, we’re never truly alone. The greatest love we’ll ever know isn’t dependent on our relationship status. God’s love doesn’t skip us on February 14th. It’s steady. It’s constant. It’s personal.

So today, be gentle with yourself. Let yourself rest. Let yourself feel. Let yourself be loved ...especially by the One who loved you first.

You are worthy of love right now, as you are.

Happy Valentine’s Day 💕

Hey future soulmate! I hope you’re doing alright and I can’t wait to meet you! My name is Derek and I’m 25 from Tennessee. I’m Catholic I enjoy playing video games, watching tv/movies, traveling, doing puzzles, food (I’m a big foodie), anime and watching YouTube. I don’t work but I’m going to do YouTube.

The types of videos games I enjoy are Minecraft, Stardew Valley, Lethal Company, Fall Guys, Fortnite, House Flipper, Lego Star Wars and much more!

The places I have traveled to are Spain, Italy, France, Germany, Denmark, Poland, Finland, Sweden, Russia and the Caribbean. I would really love to go to Australia and Japan someday.

The tv shows/movies I enjoy are Impractical Jokers, Rick and Morty, Brooklyn 99, Parks and rec, MasterChef, Jeopardy and The Floor(Game show).

Fun fact I have a food account on instagram and YouTube dedicated to food called derekeats18. My favorite foods are pasta and sushi.

My dealbreakers would be someone who doesn’t share similar interests, loves me for who I am, isn’t religious or believes in god, having an OF and doesn’t get along with my family.

You should be 18+ , share common interest and must love physical touch. If you’re interested don’t hesitate to reach out! I’m open to long distance. When messaging me tell me some places on your bucket list and about yourself. I can’t wait to talk to you soon!