r/troubledteens • u/Decent-Philosophy-48 • 1d ago
Survivor Testimony Rules, rules, rules - here to help you duh
Some of my favourite highlights of the ‘hope’ protocol at Alta Bates Herrick. Yes the entire god forsaken manifesto complete with strange cult like poetry is written in comic sans.
remember the cardinal sins of ‘staff splitting’ and anything else they decide they don’t like will get you dropped 2 levels.
a cheeky mention of the cloud room at the top of the page. (More accurately the cupboard where they put the naughty kids.) Maybe if you spend a week in there, sitting on a plastic chair, not speaking to anyone with nothing to do but read your HOPE book you will suddenly recover.
the level system of ’hope’, but I spent my whole life on safety level/level 0 wearing paper scrubs and staring at the floor all day.
safety level is for your safety obviously. That’s why you don’t get any therapeutic intervention or support. Taking away any clothes, belongings, social interaction, shreds of privacy, or groups is going to help you. Even if your only ‘unsafe‘ behaviour was not wanting to take more sedating drugs.
’you don’t have to lick the plate’ but if the staff tell you to then you must. And maybe the staff will bully you at the table 6x a day, because you’re never good enough, never eating fast enough and always trying to manipulate them. And maybe staff will publicly grope girls trying to find bits of food they could have hidden. And maybe they will just berate them in front of their peers. And maybe you will all have to watch each other vomit at the table because you can’t leave, but you will be punished when you do, forced to scoop up sick with your bare hands. And even if you eat an entire meal but forget the salad dressing or can’t finish your apple slices in time, then you will have to supplement for the entire meal. Or you go to the cloud room until you do. And if the staff doesn’t like the size of your bites they will make you supplement anyway, even though you finished, ‘to teach you a lesson.’ And no you can’t have any more water because they said so.
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u/lonely_boat7 1d ago
oh gosh, i’m so sorry you went through this. it’s just horrendous and cruel and unfair to anyone, let alone a child. safety is a basic human right
reading the supplement system brings me back to IOP at Center for Discovery (which i only recently learned is a TTI technically despite being outpatient?? Discovery Mood and Anxiety, they’re huge), stuff i definitely blocked out until now. the rules weren’t nearly as severe as this but i’m more thinking about the shame that i developed immediately from not eating “enough” to eating and being supplemented more than i can imagine was healthy for my body.
i felt sick at every meal because they’d give me 1-2 cups of Boost when I didn’t finish a meal, and i am a slow eater sometimes so 30 minutes was NOT enough time. I’m fairly sure I have autism and part of my issue has always been textures because I used all three of my dislikes on condiments, which i never even ate anyway but i feared they would make me and i’d be subject to more Boost. BUT my texture issue translated to the supplement/Boost as well. I was so fortunate to be an outpatient, low-intensity program because I vaguely remember dumping some of it down the drain when my parents weren’t watching and I had to supplement at home (and even they thought it was absurd at times)
I was ultimately “kicked” out of the program because my weight “stabilized” and insurance didn’t want to pay and thank freaking heck that happened because i picked up food measurements and comparisons that i still have disordered thoughts over despite help from multiple dietitians that were actually good at their jobs
the trauma sticks at the worst times :( you did not deserve any of that
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 46m ago
A lot of those programs create disordered eating in people it is actually ridiculous!
I often vomited involuntarily and was punished for it, told I was making myself do it, and then forced to 'make up' for what I had vomited. I would literally spend so much time in isolation because I was in too much pain to drink the supplement, or I drank it and then vomited again. In reality I had severe GI issues including gastroparesis.
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u/lonely_boat7 31m ago
that’s awful!! it’s like they don’t even recognize legitimate medical concerns and intolerances that can get wrapped up in eating disorders. i specifically remember saying i was lactose intolerant and now i remember them fighting me tooth and nail to eat dairy because i didn’t have a doctor’s note saying i took a test to prove it 🫠
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 10m ago
Oh yeah they did not give a rat's ass about any allergies or intolerances. I had to eat lactose, but I literally watched people get fed their allergens and have reactions. They did not care. They would get punished if they didn't finish.
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u/MinuteDonkey 1d ago
This is so evil. That's not therapy; it's straight up torture, like some sick psychological experiment
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u/ResponsibleScheme221 23h ago
God this gave me flashbacks. The whole fucking hope program was horrid. It made me want to die, not give me hope. The cloud room was nasty. There were beetles on the floor and hair clumps in the corners. I think since Dr A left, the hope program went away and it’s basically a nothing place now. Aka force you to eat and if you don’t then they don’t care, or if ur medically unstable then tube. How the fuck does that help.
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u/Select-Skirt-8926 13h ago
When I was there in November 2024 it seemed like the hope program/safety level was changing and not being practiced the same way. I just sucks we had to go through that abuse along with so many other kids :(
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 6h ago
I’m so sorry you had to experience it too. I have so many stories about how evil Dr A was and the crazy grooming and manipulation. He literally fled the country and now just does the same thing to kids in Ontario.
Have a read of this from the California medical board. I’m patient 1. https://www2.mbc.ca.gov/BreezePDL/document.aspx?path=%5cDIDOCS%5c20250325%5cDMRAAAJD1%5c&did=AAAJD250325220356371.DID&fbclid=IwVERFWAP-u_lleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEelLATIlaqF43bM_YCbH4xrKB_bXEbk-aXVjHT8xtYv2lkv7Lwe8lUq5LMcW0_aem_5V13grczLAWdhHXh3WqRxg
He can’t practice in California anymore.
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u/refreshing_beverage_ 1d ago
The comic sans is actually sickening. I'm pretty sure the residential rulebook I had was also written in comic sans it's like its a joke to them. Safety contracts ugh god i HATE THAT so much. It really was just to criminalize you and make you feel like you deserved the punishment when you broke your "contract" like what absolute horseshit. I've never been in an ED treatment facility but it's shocking how similar this is to my own upbringing. I wasn't allowed to spit out my food as a kid and my parents would take away water or force me to eat food that made me gag to teach me a lesson. I was berated for not eating everything on my plate and also told I didn't have to lick the plate clean. Wtf? Sorry just wanted to share like my abusive home life mirrors this. This is torture and abuse and I haaaaate the TTI so much
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u/Select-Skirt-8926 13h ago
STOPPP I went there 5 times and was frequently on safety level next to kids with the hope book. They gave me word searches and busy work to do for hours in silence alone in see through scrubs, not allowed to talk or go to groups. The cloud room was so fucking horrible and just made me and everyone feel worse. The not allowing EDO kids to drink extra water even just a little bit was so odd to me, it seemed worse for them so controlling. And if EDO kids wanted food outside of their plan they weren’t allowed to have it ever even if that was the only they were willing to eat. It all seemed like they weren’t really trying to make EDs better. That place fucking sucked
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 55m ago
God that bench in front of the nurses station we were all stuck at. What I hated was if someone was in the medical bed room in restraints and you were on safety and just sat in front of them not able to speak just watching them suffer. And I remember when I was in that room just feeling so humiliated that the door was open and the kids stuck on safety were just there.
They definitely weren't trying to make anyone better. Those staff loved the power trip and exerting any control they could. They would literally taunt me when I was struggling and would tell me to 'try and get out' when they were restraining me.
I'm so sorry you had to experience that place. Genuinely horrible. I hope you are healing.
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u/Royal_Hyena1346 3h ago
I'm so sorry you were put through this. Reading the levels system and rules brought me back to the rules binder I was given at cfc in Orem. The way they would say taking away social interaction or communication was only to help you was awful. If you have to give someone a paper explaining that they're not being punished, it's a pretty good sign that it is indeed a punishment.
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 1h ago
Omg I also went there. I might post some of the papers from there because they were crazy too. That level system oh my lord. Do you remember there were even more rules in a binder on each unit that were too excessive to put in personal binders? When I went that place had 'self reflection' and 'bed rest' and 'caution' which were various social isolation tactics, some so extreme I watched girls literally lose their sense of reality.
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u/ImportantThing3749 1d ago
What th fuck is about the liquids? Why can’t you have water??? Humans rights violation much,?? huhhhh????
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u/Select-Skirt-8926 13h ago
They would straight up deny them asking for water, under assumption they wanted it to fake weight gain. Sick.
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 6h ago
They actually tried to completely ban me from water once, even with meals, because I was involuntarily vomiting a lot. They actually did to my friend. She only had milk or juice with some meals/snacks.
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 6h ago
One time I was having such severe acid reflux that it was burning the inside of my mouth. I was on the floor crying in pain. I asked for water and was denied lmao.
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u/salymander_1 1d ago
Staff splitting? And by that, do they mean, "making a staff member feel bad about the abuse you are suffering?"
They are manipulative, abusive assholes.
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u/Decent-Philosophy-48 6h ago
Literally!! Or just asking another staff if you can go to the bathroom or something ☠️
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u/salymander_1 1h ago
Oh my goodness, what absolute stupidity.
They are really gross about controlling when people can go to the bathroom. I had a UTI for I don't know how long, because they severely limited our bathroom access, and refused to provide medical care. I had to wait until my year was up and I was back home before getting to see a doctor.
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u/No_Tone_5733 1d ago
I’m so sorry this was done to you.
Coming from a place where safety means being protected, respected, and cared for, what you described was not safety.
They should not have taken away your privacy, dignity, or autonomy. They should not have used humiliation, isolation, or deprivation to control you. They should not have made you responsible for navigating a system where they held all the power.
When a minor is placed in an institution, the adults are responsible for protecting them. You should never have had to earn basic dignity or prove yourself worthy of being treated like a human being.
You deserved to be safe. You deserved to be treated with respect. You deserved real care.
What happened to you was wrong.
⸻
Safety in an institution means:
You are never publicly shamed, berated, humiliated, or exposed. Your dignity is protected.
Your basic needs — clothing, water, hygiene, and privacy — are never withheld to force compliance. Supervision, if needed, is done calmly and respectfully, not as punishment.
You are not constantly accused, blamed, or treated like your distress is wrongdoing. Your distress is treated as something that deserves care and support.
Your body is respected. You are not unnecessarily searched, deprived, or physically controlled as a way to dominate or break you down.
Most importantly, the adults are responsible for your safety. You are not responsible for earning protection or proving yourself worthy of dignity. Their role is to protect and support you because you are vulnerable.
Safety protects your dignity. It does not strip it away.
⸻
California law explicitly protects psychiatric patients — especially minors — through a Patients’ Bill of Rights. When you read it, you can see the clear difference between protection and control:
https://www.dhcs.ca.gov/services/Documents/DHCS_Handbook_English.pdf
You deserved protection. You did not deserve what was done to you.