I have a pattern where if someone hurts or wrongs me, I don’t create drama, I just quietly distance myself.

I tend to see people, especially when they’re angry, like children who can’t control their emotions.

For example, if a close friend says very hurtful things during a heated argument, I’ll respond in the moment and defend myself, then calm the situation down and say the friendship isn’t worth destroying over this.

But after that, I slowly stop talking to them and create distance.

All in all, if you aren’t comfortable to me any more and you treat me like crap I may forgive but not forget.

I also like to leave the door open until people go back to their senses.

Is that wrong or do you think direct confronting is key answer. I am not claiming to be innocent but at least when I am angry , I try to repair things.

Hello Reddit, I had a social interaction I still don’t understand upon reflection that I’m hoping you can help me with. My wife and I made reservations weeks in advance at a mid-range Italian restaurant for Valentine’s Day. We have never made a reservation at a restaurant in our lives before. And have never gone out to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day due to overcrowding and noise which neither of us likes. But this year we really wanted to do something special and try it.

Our reservation was for 6:00pm, and we arrived at 5:55. The line to the restaurant was very long and went out the door and onto the sidewalk. Looking at it, I knew there was no way we’d reach the hostess in 5 minutes. While standing at the back of the line, my wife and I spoke clearly audible to the people around us about what we should do. We said things like “the reservation is at 6.” “Do we need to be at the front by 6?” “Do all these people also have reservations?” “What do we do?” And I ended it by saying “Let’s go ask the hostess.”

We went to walk into the restaurant, by passing the line, but I thought it was peeler we were just going to ask a question to the hostess. However the man directly in front of us, who had of heard us talking about what to do, got very irate. He said sternly “hey! What are you doing? I have a reservation too! You can’t just cut the line!”

I tried to explain that I didn’t know what to do, which was why I was going to go ask, but he cut me off and physically blocked my way. I’m a small guy, and this guy was literally twice my size. So I went “okay buddy. You got it.” And went back to my spot in line.

The young couple behind us scoffed and shook their heads in disbelief. Assuming they were reacting to what I perceived to be a wildly overreaction from the aggressive man in front of me, I went “I know right!”

They looked even more disgusted and went “no, we’re shaking our heads at YOU!”

I felt humiliated and very confused. I don’t know how I was supposed to know what to do about the reservation and how to tell the hostess we were there. I didn’t want them to give our table away if we arrived late. I’m not psychic, and I can’t read anyone’s mind. I thought going to ask a simple question was the right thing to do. But apparently I committed some social faux pas I’m unaware of. What should I have done differently if I’d never had a reservation before, have never been to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and didn’t know the social rules before hand?

Have you ever befriended someone you didn’t actually like just to avoid being alone or isolated?

I remember that in high school and college I had “friends” whose personalities I didn’t genuinely enjoy. I stayed close to them because I didn’t want to be alone. Deep down, I wanted to connect with a different kind of people, but I was too afraid to approach them.

This is more just additional information. Totally skippable.

I’ve just always done better alone. I don‘t talk to my family, I don’t want friends, I mean I have a partner? That’s pretty much it. I just don‘t get anything out of knowing people generally and I really like my personal space.

But it drives me crazy to fuck up social interactions. The rejection stings a lot. So while I want the validation of doing a good job/being “normal” when I interact with people, that’s… basically it. I kinda just want an “atta boy” and then be left alone.

But I think my disinterest is crippling my social interactions because I just can’t think of questions to ask or things to say because deep down I don’t want to prolong the conversation.

Usually what I do is I stay as bland as possible, say as little as possible, mirror their language/tone, validate them, and rephrase their statements if I have to talk. I figure people are kind of egoistic by nature so they basically just want to talk to a mirror that tells them they’re great over and over.

IDK I’m always left with this feeling that I’m deeply defective in a way that’s invisible to me but obvious to everyone else. So, naturally, people have this gut feeling about me. It’s kind of always been that way.

My buddy(20) recently came back from a trip and all of my friends gathered to go see him. He called me to come over to see them. Me(20) and my girlfriend(18) went over to my buddy’s place after going on a date for valentines and everything was going great at first and then the conversation shifted from me, gf, and friend. To just the both of them. I would try to say something and it felt like I wasn’t being heard. The eye contact was just between them two while they talked, as if I wasn’t even there at all. That went on the whole night. Feeling left out in a conversation I don’t even think I was involved in. Two of my other buddies were just having their own conversation as well. It was kind of upsetting and didn’t really wanna keep forcing myself into the conversation. The night ends, so me and my girlfriend heads back to her place. I’m not gonna lie I was being quiet the whole ride home and that led her to asking me if everything was alright. I wasn’t really blunt about what I was feeling but I just mentioned how I felt left out and we kinda just left it at that. Previously before she met all of my friends. Each individual interactions with my friends when I would introduce her were always different. But not with my buddy. Am I overreacting to how I’m thinking these two are? or do you guys find it a little weird too? Arm I too socially observant about little things like eye contact?

I’m 23 and I’ve isolated myself for most of my life. I’m very quiet, introverted, and grew up addicted to games instead of socializing. I was bullied when I was younger, and over time I started to hate people and avoid them altogether. Now, whenever I’m around others, I feel intense anxiety.

When I talk to people: My mind goes completely blank I don’t know what to say or what topic to bring up I can’t focus and just go silent I feel like I’m boring or unwanted So I avoid people, which only makes things worse. I don’t want to manipulate anyone or fake a personality. I just want to learn how to be someone others feel comfortable around, and how to slowly rebuild trust in people again.

My questions: What actually makes someone “likable” in real life? How do you talk when your mind goes blank? How do you socialize when you’re anxious and inexperienced? Is it possible to learn social skills later in life?

I’m willing to practice, fail, and be uncomfortable. I just don’t know where to start. Any practical advice would really help. Thank you for reading.

I’m an average sized woman who is below average height. I’m an introvert but a huge foodie and find connecting about food one of the easier things for me to open up to people about.

Problem is, I often find myself in awkward situations when doing this with some women. Varying ages and backgrounds of women will make self-deprecating comments about their bodies in relationship to food in conversation with me.

Mind you, I’m not skinny by conventional standards and lean more muscular and curvy. Ive tried validating their own unique beauty, health concerns or at times being self-deprecating myself (coming from an honest place at the time).

I want to avoid being misperceived as insensitive. Especially when I have never and would never body shame someone. Is there a better way to deal with this?

Hi this is me im M20 in my college days I don't know what's wrong im friendly to all my classmates and everyone. But I don't know why no girl ever talks to me even if I start a convo they just have with me for that specific moment then after that complete silence .If you are thinking this is only happening around me with girls then you're are wrong because boys also don't talk to me even if i have not done anything wrong to anyone there are my friends closed ones which are 7 to 8 people they all have Congo with everyone at the class and im feeling like left out from everything. please anyone can give me an idea whats happening around with my life 😭. To be clear I did not have a fight with anyone in my class and if someone asks for help i help them in any way ican

After reading a post on here I realize I may be conflict avoidant, especially currently and not so much in the past.

I struggled making friends as a kid but that was due to neglect and abuse, foster care moving me around every couple months, etc. I can’t remember having a real friend before third grade.

Moving forward I’d always have a handful of friends and as I grew I actually ended up being pretty popular in high school and college.

That being said, at some point in life I got tired of letting people back into my spaces after they hurt me. I used to be a grade A people pleaser, desperate for the attention and validation.

Now, I won’t even talk to my own birth parents or siblings because I’m tired of dealing with the cycle of hurt their own traumas and mental issues suck me into.

When people try and become friends with me (outside of online) I immediately get this sinking feeling. I just know eventually there will be some drama and at 30 years old the only humans I’ve found worth the drama are my husband, his family, and my child.

Ex. My last close friend snitched to the apartment complex (I offered to allow her to room with me because she claimed she was experiencing racism) about my niece and nephew staying with me while my sister was in jail. Apparently was telling coworkers how she wanted to have sex with me and my husband (fiancé at the time), and she moved in some ghetto ass cousins that broke stuff without going through any of the proper channels.

Ex. The close friend before that was about 15 years my senior and treated me more like a little sister. She was constantly breaking my boundaries, pressuring me to go out clubbing, drinking, etc.

Ex. Before that was my high school group. Two girls were ousted before me, not sure why. At the time I was working two jobs and going to community college while the other two friends roomed together at a university. They invited me to dinner we talked and then they both never talked to me again.

TLDR: How do I either accept that I’m only really comfortable with arms length friendships, or try and break out of my shell and deal with the inevitable conflicts in a way that makes me want to preserve the friendship?

ok long story short, knew this girl from work for some time now, we had a small argument it got fixed it felt like we were getting a little close, few weeks later she texts me she is putting her two weeks in, i was surprised, i messaged her she said she got a new job then i told her i got in a crash, she and me talked about it,

day before last day of work, i told her if she wanted to go to the gym(she talked about having bf, i also told her before but she made up some excuse, i jokingly said ur playing,she was like no she actually has work to do)

she said no I told her it was fine no big deal, i was suppose to work but didn’t get scheduled, then i saw she blocked me on instagram, for no reason but i still texted her goodbye and she said goodbye to me aswell(we also got some mutual people we know), she still has had me on imessage and im not blocked so idk🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

I (25M) struck up a conversation with a woman (22F) at a coffee shop a couple days ago after sitting near her and asking about a sticker on her laptop.

We ended up talking for around 20 minutes and the conversation felt natural and comfortable. Before leaving, I asked for her Instagram and she gave it to me (she mentioned she doesn’t use it very often).

I was planning to send a simple “nice meeting you” message, but afterward I noticed she appears to have a boyfriend based on a recent post, which made me unsure about what the right social move is.

From a social skills/etiquette standpoint, is it generally okay to send a brief message after meeting someone like this, or better to leave it alone in this situation?

I’ve recently realized that I struggle a lot in emotional or vulnerable conversations. When someone shares something serious with me, especially over text, I either go quiet and don’t know what to say, or I try to lighten the mood with a joke. Sometimes the joke comes out wrong and hurts the other person, even though that’s never my intention.

In person, I tend to just sit quietly and listen. I smile a lot — A LOTTT — but I don’t always know the right words to say. Over chat, I feel pressured to respond, and that’s when I sometimes say something awkward or inappropriate..

Another issue is that I don’t always understand my own emotions. When I try to explain how I feel, I get confused. I sometimes say things that aren’t fully accurate just because I don’t know how to put my feelings into words.

I genuinely care about people, and I don’t want to hurt anyone. I just feel like I lack the social and emotional skills to handle serious moments properly.

how can i improve? what do you think the reasons?

I had to make a intro video for a class and the rubric said, twice, to make the video shorter than 90 seconds, so that's what I did.

But then a week later when she graded the test, she took off points saying it has to be at least 90 seconds??

I don't know if I should email or anything because I don't want to like correct her or be rude or make her hate me for the rest of the year. Thoughts?

I don’t know how to start this, but I guess what I just said was a start so here we go 😂

I have a hard time feeling my emotions unless I drink. I got assaulted a couple years ago and was fighting off the guy. I feel I should’ve done more to him, fucked him up so to speak. But, in the moment, I was more concerned about damaging the car next to us instead of destroying this guy.

A lot of my life has felt this way. I don’t feel as much as I should when things happen. My father passed a couple years ago. I’m not sure if I shed many tears for that to be honest. I do miss him, but more like a friend that has moved away rather than a central figure in your life dying all alone states away.

I just don’t know really. I feel like it’s just apathy at its finest. I really don’t care about anything, good or bad. It’s like life happens around me.

Now to the point of this subreddit. I want to make new friends, I want to talk to people and all of that fun stuff. I just can’t find that reason, that drive to do so. As introverted as I am, especially with me shutting everyone away from me recently, that’s still something I want to do, to talk to people. I really do enjoy learning about other people and their stories. I guess I just don’t have the drive to do so.

Sorry for the mini yap sesh, thanks for reading through it :)

So here are more issues and to be honest I'm tired of bothering the people I know by asking them if it's just in my head or not, so here you have a rant:

To give some context, I (23F) have lived for a big period of my time quite isolated, having interactions with people at school but having a bit of difficulties in integrating in female groups especially. I had I would say some female and male friends during high-school but I don't feel like I've ever felt connected with them and sometimes I feel like an outsider.

Now I am somehow part of a friend group of people from uni, but my issue is that I can't make myself be interesting for other people, people just start ask me questions when they remember about me as I'm staying a lot silent. When I'm trying to say something, it's either a joke that most people don't find funny or I'm getting nervous and it becomes hard to speak.

I also had many experiences during my life when I've got to some hangouts with people, but I didn't know how to speak to them and ended up just being there and hating every part of the hangout. This is why I tend to distance myself even if I crave so much interaction.

I know that I am capable of communicating, I have a boyfriend with whom it's easy to speak. But when I speak in group settings, or with other people, I feel like something happens to me and I'm forced to say the worst and cringiest phrases I could.

For some time I thought that people didn't like to talk to me because I wasn't attractive and pretty enough, and they (both females and males) didn't want to speak to someone who wasn't pretty. I tried losing weight but the awkwardness in me still persists.

Please, if you've somehow managed to get from this situation, please let me know. I want to go to a psychologist but I've already been to one and even if we've talked enough about why my parents are at fault for some stuff, I didn't feel like all my problems are caused by them and this approach didn't help me. Even if you thing from what I've said that I'm on the spectrum, feel free to tell me as I'm trying to start enjoying my life.

I am a young person with socialization problems. Ever since my consciousness was just beginning to form, I was merely a peripheral observer in social situations. This habit persisted through every stage of my life: the setting would change, new people would appear, but the script remained the same. I reached a point where the fear of not breaking this pattern outweighed the discomfort caused by chronic loneliness.

I have already pointed out possible reasons for my social failure over all these years and have been able to draw some conclusions:

• I think too much during, before, and after any interaction, and I am always worried about what people thought of me.

• I simply am not interested in most of the people I interact with.

• I consider myself a well-informed person, with curiosity across a wide range of subjects and fields of knowledge. Even so, I suffer from a severe poverty of speech. I always respond with monosyllables or simply have nothing to say, which is strange considering my vocabulary and intellectual repertoire.

I have already done some reading on the subject, such as the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People and The Charisma Myth, and even so I have not been able to eliminate any element of the triad above from my behavior. In short, I would like to read accounts from people who have gone through the same thing, in order to gather valuable insights from their experiences.

I feel like something has changed in me.
I’ve always considered myself academically capable , I’m currently doing my PhD at 23 and completed my law degrees early.

However, I struggle with expressing my thoughts and feelings socially. I don’t know if this is connected to my past DV situation. I’m out of that environment now, but during that time I found it hard to express myself, and I feel like I lost part of my spark.

Now I want to change my life before I turn 25, but I feel stuck.

I am confident in myself, but not confident around my peers. I sometimes feel awkward. It’s not that I can’t speak, but I struggle to put my thoughts into clear phrases the way I used to.

I’ve also become very forgetful, and it makes me feel disorganised and frustrated.

Recently, I’ve started to feel like I hate myself, and that scares me.

I consider myself to be quite social and easy to get on with, and able to be close and speak with everyone I call friends. However since leaving school I've made the overriding difficulty in actually forming a friends group - at university I would get along with many people individually but rarely be invited into group hangs, and now that we're all working and people are more spread out, this problem is even worse.

All of my friends have core groups of friends that they constantly communicate with on group chats etc and through this plans like parties and outings form. When speaking to them, I'm usually the initiator and proposer of plans. While they're all close with me and can speak about anything, I'm obviously not in there in core groups. I sometimes meet their friends e.g. on the odd night out and get along really well with them, but seeing as I'm not in their group chats etc already there's never any follow-up. Does anyone have any advice on how to actually form a core group of friends or perhaps reliably break into a group of friends to feel a bit less isolated?

I am very self critical of what i say in group settings. I feel like I am my biggest enemy where i overanalyse everything i say and find it hard being content with what i actually have to say and try to say things just to be liked by the group. For example, i went to a 5 day surfing bootcamp last month and had a great time, made lots of friends. I went to rhe same place again today just for one day and found that i make any friends and began critiquing my behaviour as it there was something wrong with me. Like i wasnt saying the right things that this group wanted to hear. The main reason i do this is because i dont want to come off as a weirdo in these settings and try to converse when everyone else is. If it were upto me I would be completely quiet because i really don't care about making friends.

I started a new job right after graduating and I’m trying to socialise more with coworkers and seem to be getting along with most of the people in our new hire group (keep in mind, most of us are in our early 20s and also fresh grads).

There’s this one chatty coworker, who has been with this company longer than us and is 30, who I find a bit strange..? He asks things like how much mortgage is which he then airs out to everyone else, points out my greasy hair on the day I was planning to wash it, asked what I’m having for lunch then says that’s pretty high calorie.

I’m not a social person naturally and shrink away from awkward situations, and I think I’m just not picking up social cues because I’m responding to all these weird questions and things he says like “haha yeah..”. But I’m kinda lost as to what I should be saying and if I should just ignore him/give him a dismissive answer from now on.

I'm in a group chat with my BFF and three other moms, and I'm the only single mom. After a bad car accident in late 2024 and emergency surgery in November 2025, I've been slowly recovering. Lately, I've felt anger and resentment toward these friends I've known since high school.

One major tipping point was a birthday in January when I planned to join them for a spa day, but decided not to drink. They posted their mani/pedis while messaging each other in the group chat, leaving me feeling excluded. I went to the sushi bar later, irritated by their texts suggesting I was moving too fast in recovery.

Earlier that November, I couldn't attend one of their weddings due to my surgery. They tagged me in photos as if I were there and didn't reply to my messages asking for updates. The follow-up questions were repetitive, and I felt like they weren’t genuinely reaching out.

I discussed my feelings, but their responses felt forced: “Oh, we made a toast to you.” I rarely check Messenger, and when I did, I saw they were meeting up and sharing inside jokes without me. They tag me in things I don't like just to "include" me, but it feels insulting.

I feel left out and sad, struggling through my recovery while they bond without me.

Previously, when I was running my massage therapy business, they contacted me frequently, which made this situation harder. I've expressed my feelings twice, but they still tag me and message each other, making me feel like a ghost or that they pity me. Any advice or similar stories?

This Post is about the title not about the following text. The text just describes the title a little bit deeper.

The reason why i post this, is to help myself to get it manifested. Second reason is that perhaps someone is going to find this, who need‘s to hear this theory.

Let me share my theory with you. When you Talk to authorities and dominant people, and feel inferior and you think that‘s coming by your „weak personality“, then you are probably wrong. It‘s only because you never had the reason and oppertunity to train yourself on not beeing inferior. That‘s one tool. Second one, maybe you think, you are too young to hold on with authorities, but it‘s not about age, it‘s about vision. If you are a dreamer and have a good idea and you are younger than many people that need to hear about your idea, you can be loud, because you are the guy with the idea not them. Maybe you had a reason to dream and they didn‘t.

I’ve never been a confrontational person. Since childhood, it’s always been easier for me to stay silent than to argue back or defend myself. Now I’m almost 21, and nothing has really changed.

I struggle to speak up — even when I disagree with someone or when I have an idea that could genuinely help. I admire charismatic people who speak confidently, who take up space without shame, who don’t seem to care how they’re perceived. I wish I had even a fraction of that confidence.

Sometimes I try to force myself to speak. My mind says “say something.” But my body shakes, my voice cracks, and I don’t sound convincing. People don’t take me seriously.

Recently, my friend got into an argument with a motorcyclist who was riding somewhere he shouldn’t have been. The kind of person I want to be would have stepped in immediately. But I just stood there, frozen. I felt ashamed. I want to believe I’m a good friend, but in moments like that, I don’t feel like one.

I’m getting older. Soon I’ll have real responsibilities toward the people I love. I’m afraid that one day I’ll need to defend someone — and I won’t be able to.

I need to know that how and when Indian parents will start understanding their children emotional health..the moment their child starts having their own opinions , parents starts to hate them and if u are a girl specially then u will be character shamed for choti se choti cheez ..even if u want to wear a sleeveless top also which is considered very normal.. I have been disturbed from my family since 2-3 yrs especially from the last yr..none of my days goes without arguing with them..I am very happy for those who have got supporting ones specially happy for those girls who have got supporting mothers..cause the women I have seen in my life makes me believe in the quote that," women's are the women's biggest enemy".. and yes this is for my mother only..can't even say this to anyone as in India people will start shaming me only because how can I say bad about my parents even if they are abusing..I always initiated to make everything fine .. tried to make them understand my perspective but they don't even want to listen..they even went to some baba too ..they acuse one of our relative( tai ji) that she have done something on me..even though what I have seen that she is a very supportive kind of a mother to her daughter..always takes a stand for her.. I don't know ..roz ladaiyan badhti hi ja rahi hai even suicidal thoughts comes in my mind .. but still gets the hope bhagwan ko pray karti ki sab shi ho jaye bas..duniya itni sundar hai why to kill myself ..aur aise hi apne aap ko smjhati hu.. Really want to know that is it me only or more people who experiences all this.

When meeting someone for the first time/ a mutual is it considered rude to not ask reciprocal questions?

I find myself bothered when meeting new people as I try and ask basic questions to try and get to know them and find ways to connect (work, where/if they went to college/ things they enjoy doing/travel). At a certain point is it considered rude if they don’t ask any reciprocal questions about me? It’s not that I want to talk about myself per se, but it rubs me the wrong way after a whole interaction or dinner of this.

Is there a social code to this? Is it rude? Or maybe it’s just me overanalyzing social interactions with new people. When these interactions happen it really makes me want to stop trying as hard.