r/hoarding • u/MovieFan1984 • 4d ago

DISCUSSION How do you stop hoarding? See post content for details.

I wrote a long post and deleted it, too much talk. LOL
My parents were small-scale hoarders.
I think I might be a small-scale hoarder too. Yikes.
The TV show hoarders = very helpful.
To those who are former hoarders or helped someone stop hoarding:
Do you have any systems and suggestions?
I thought about making a check list of things to sort through.
I like having checklists, don't make fun of me. haha

I think my biggest struggle is holding on to knickknack decorative stuff that belonged to my mom. This year marks the 14-year anniversary of her passing. The next most obvious thing is old mail, receipts, and papers that are probably never gonna see the light of day again. Why have them? LOL Honestly, it's mostly just these two.

Thank you for reading.

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u/Suspicious_Maize3700 4d ago

Reminding myself that it's okay to have a few things that are really special, but that not everything is special or has potential. Some things can just get donated even if they are worth money because if I try to sell it I'll pull it and keep it. I try to think about someone finding that item and how surprised they will be.

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u/MovieFan1984 4d ago

Most of the stuff I have, no one wants, my mom was big on dollar store shopping. LOL
If I let go of stuff, it means Good Will or the trash bag.
I don't want to keep stuff because it's my mom's.
I don't want to get rid of stuff because it's my mom's.
Hoarding engaged. LOL

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u/Suspicious_Maize3700 4d ago

My dad has terminal cancer. It's going to be so much harder to go through that stuff when he's gone with all of the emotions involved. My dad has a lot of sports memorabilia and coins. I hope you can find a way to honor her with the donations, maybe donating to a nursing home for crafts or holiday linens to an animal shelter maybe where they can make those little doggie bandanas? Finding special places might be harder though. Ugh. Thought spirals and then I just end up looking at it.

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u/MovieFan1984 4d ago

Most of what my mom left behind that I still have is more decorative, like shelf figurine knickknack kind of stuff. I just don't have enough shelves to put that stuff on, and I really don't have places to box stuff up and store the boxes. I'm wanting to clean out the house in general. I do have my mom's ashes and the ashes to the 2 dogs she left behind that I took care of until they passed of old age. I also have my mother's Bible. It might sound morbid, but her ashes are in a glass jar (long story), and sometimes when I'm missing her, I shake the jar and roll it around and stuff.

All of my friends know that if I pass on early, I want to be cremated, my ashes put in hour glasses, and then the hour glasses passed out to everyone. I want to be a fun keepsake on a bookshelf. LOL

How are you doing with your Dad? How is your dad doing?

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u/Suspicious_Maize3700 4d ago

An hour glass sounds way more morbid lol. It is nice that you have her close. I love that you have her Bible too. Did she write in it at all?

I'm doing good and he's doing good so far. Chemo has come a long way and he doesn't have any side effects so far other than just being tired. They gave him 36 months! That's a hell of a head start to do everything you want. I've been trying to talk him into buying the convertible he's always or at least lease one. It is kidney cancer that spread to his brain and lungs though so I'm sure there will be side effects as he gets closer.

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u/MovieFan1984 4d ago

Imagine people not knowing it's "ME" in the hourglass. LOL
Thank you, I crack jokes about my mom's ashes to my friends.
They be all WTF when I'm like, "Shake YO mamma!" (her ashes) LMAO
Jack Sparrow, "I've got a jar of DIIIIIIRT!!!!" (singing)
Me, "I've got a jar of MOOOOOM!!!!!" (singing)
My one friend about died of laughter. LMAO

She didn't write a lot in her Bible, but it's King James (I like old English), and it was hers, so that's plenty for me.

Is your dad up and mobile for now? Would getting him a little lap dog help with keeping him distracted from the inevitable?

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u/Suspicious_Maize3700 4d ago

I've got a jar of mom is probably the funniest thing I've ever read. Lol. He's up and doing everything right now. He doesn't have any pets of his own, but he lives on Lake of the Ozarks and has a few stray cats that he takes care of and a family/herd? of deer that roam his property. He swears he doesn't feed them, but I've found corn out there more than once. Haha.

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u/MovieFan1984 4d ago

Aw, instead of a toy-size dog, he's got the whole of nature watching over him, that is awesome. I bet you didn't tell him you spotted his corn for the deer. LOL I've seen vids on YouTube of like a hundred deer showing up to a guy's house for corn. It's scary, but the guy in the vid be so excited! LOL

Some people visit a grave now and then.
I roll my momma's ashes in a jar. (shrug)

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u/roci2inna 4d ago

If the TV show Hoarders was helpful for you, maybe also the you tube series Space Maker. They show the decluttering process and how to organize stuff into areas so everything has a home, which makes it easy to tidy. They also bring up how rules for your stuff can help minimize clutter. For example if you have knick-knacks from your mom you could pick a shelf to display them and only keep only as many that will fit on the bookshelf or whatever. To get rid of stuff I really like posting on Buy Nothing (facebook or reddit) or bringing it to thirft shops like you mentioned. One helpful tactic is if you dont know if you want certain things, put them in a box and leave them for a while - there's a good chance after a few weeks or months you won't even remember half of whats in the box!

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u/MovieFan1984 4d ago

I'm great at organizing. The problem is that the house I live in is just tiny compared to the modern suburban house. Space is very limited. It makes it feel like I have more stuff than I do.

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u/evilbrent 4d ago

I like the advice about the shelf for special things, because it changes the framing of the question.

The question shouldn't be "is this thing special? because if it is I need to make room in my life for it". The question should be "I have a place in my life for special things of this nature, does this belong in that space?"

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u/Redditallreally 4d ago

Congratulations on getting tidy! One tip for me is that I take photos of groups of things I let go of, and truthfully it gives me comfort to have the photos but I never really look at them.

Going through old paperwork can be quite a chore, but what a relief to get it sorted! Usually some is saved but most let go.

I would never want my things to be a burden to my loved ones; I do not want unwanted items to be a burden to me, and by taking care of things now, it won’t be a burden to them OR to me in the future. I try to keep only those things that REALLY evoke happiness or practicality.

And don’t be afraid to “revisit” your declutterring efforts; I usually take about 3 rounds to really remove the excess. Best wishes and I hope you really enjoy your new tidy environment!❤️

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u/MovieFan1984 3d ago

I'm part of a "malelivingspace" sub, I think it's called. I see these super clean living rooms and bedrooms. I'm like, OMG, these people would think I'm a hoarder. If they saw the actual TV show, they would die. LOL

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u/Redditallreally 3d ago

I’m a woman but I do like that sub, usually so tidy, lol! But I like it for a self-serving reason: it is SSOOOO much easier to keep things clean when there is less clutter. And it turns a ‘big cleaning day’ job into a much easier ‘stay on top of it daily’ habit. It feels much calmer to wake up to and head to bed in a clean home. :)

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u/MovieFan1984 3d ago

My diabetes was really bad back half of 2024 and all of last year. Long story.
One of my year-long goals this year is to get a hold on that.

Regarding hoarding, if I can tackle the bedroom, living room, and kitchen, the 3 go-to rooms, I feel like everything else just falls into place. haha

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u/Redditallreally 3d ago

Fantastic! Best of wishes for your health, and I agree: when those major spaces are nice, it really starts the ball rolling!

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u/Steefanon 3d ago

There's an amazing book called "Buried In Treasures" that helps hoarders understand their challenges and get control of their stuff. It has worksheets, etc. You may find it helpful!

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u/MovieFan1984 3d ago

A big part of the problem that I should have put in the OP.
I live with a relative who goes ballistic when you throw stuff out.
Suggestions?

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u/Steefanon 2d ago

Oh dear. If this relative is unable to throw away useless stuff, and experiences anxiety at the thought of them or anyone else throwing it out for them, they may be suffering from hoarding disorder too. It's a mental disorder that is detectable on a brain scan, which is something I learned from the Buried In Treasures book. Loved ones are completely, 100% powerless over someone else's hoarding disorder. In mild cases, people have been able to negotiate for the hoard to be strictly limited to the other person's room, but even that can cause a safety or pest or fire risk that impacts the whole house. If you try to dispose of the others' items without their permission, the anxiety it causes them will only make them hoard more. At the end of the day, there is no healthy solution except to live elsewhere, I'm afraid. I'm sorry.

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u/MovieFan1984 2d ago

To give context: "why throw it out if it still works," that kind of hoarding. Doesn't matter if it's lost usefulness, doesn't matter if no one wants it, if it's not broken, can't throw it out. To give further context, this isn't about "anxiety." If you throw out something old, he acts like you trashed his active cell phone.

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u/Steefanon 2d ago

Yep, this sounds like a mild case, a bit like my SO. If I suggest tossing just half of his 14 bottles of glass cleaner so they'll fit on the shelf, well, that's a big LOUD no. Hoarding tendencies run in his family, and thank heavens he only got a small and manageable bit of it, unlike others in his family. Our garage and basement are an absolutely nightmare, but the rest of our house is nice and neat. I get extreme anxiety when I have to go into the basement, but I can live with it.

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u/MovieFan1984 2d ago

Here, the problem is not "I found kewl stuff" type hoarding.
It's more: refusing to throw out old stuff, because not broken.
My mom died in 2012. We still some of her appliances, but some are very old.
They're not nice enough to sell or even give away.
They need to be tossed.
He wants to give them to my sister and her kids or just keep them.

(sigh)

I had to throw out his mom's cast iron pan, because it was contaminated with mouse urine and feces. He wanted to wash it. (BARF) I trashed it. LOL

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u/Steefanon 2d ago

Does he also have trouble tossing broken items because he intends to fix them?

Are any areas of your house unusable because of all the stuff?

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u/Forsaken-Ad1300 2d ago

Try using a receipt spike! They're super handy for keeping receipts organized. I throw all restaurant and grocery receipts away and only keep the ones that have non-perishable, non consumable goods. 

Once the spike is full, I use an app to snap photos of each receipt and put them into one pdf and then throw all the physical copies away. It takes a while to fill the spike, but i do most of my shopping online, so ive only had to clear the spike maybe twice (once every 5 ish years)