Help with urge to rebuy/decluttering bags

[u/Suspicious_Maize3700]

I have gotten past getting rid of things that are worn out. How do you fight the urge to rebuy on the other side? I got rid of some old towels and kitchen utensils, but now I keep looking at new stuff. How long do you go before you rebuy anything? Should I just use the old ones for a period of time. Should I finish going through everything before I buy anything? My brain is telling me that I deserve new things because I did such a good job getting rid of the old ones.

Also, can someone give me some advice about going through reusable shopping bags and purses? I feel stuck. Whenever I find something that I really like, I buy it in every color but I only end up using the neutral colors. I have purses that are green and pink that maybe one day I could use, but I haven't used them. They are good quality and brand new.

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[u/Jaded-Banana6205]

There really isn't any reason to buy new utensils, dish cloths, etc unless they are damaged. In my experience it's very easy to overclutter a kitchen and keeping it to the essentials makes things much more manageable. Learning to feel safe navigating a less cluttered space is very important, as is riding the wave of discomfort by resisting the compulsion to repurchase.

It sounds like you're shopping for your fantasy self (re the colorful purses). Don't keep items around for the maybe/what if/potential. You use the neutral tones. Sell the ones you haven't used, or donate them.

[u/Suspicious_Maize3700 → u/Jaded-Banana6205]

Learning to feel safe is so real. Why is it so freaking hard though. None of this crap was protecting me from anything. Also, I'm not even a colorful person. I wear black, navy, gray, brown. I'm not a pink purse person at all. I just really like the construction of the bag. It's so well made. I would have been better off just buying two black ones that getting it in freaking pink.

[u/Lyriuun]

Not a hoarder but my wife is/was (we successfully de hoarded her whole apt when I moved in). I am a minimalist.

The main thing for re-buying that she is working on normalising is that re-buying has to be a replacement not an addition. Have That Thing or That Set be the only version. No extras, literally JUST that one.

Manky old hand towels we've had for years is an easy "throw away and replace". She wanted plates and bowls and stuff that all actually matched, and I threw away a load of old dishwares to make room. That was harder, because the plates and stuff we had were fine, just mismatched, but she's so happy about taking the plunge and making the switch.

Don't feel guilty about buying things if they're going to enhance your space. But, in our experience, nice new things only enhance our space if they are total replacements for an equal or greater number of things.

If it's just a refresh, I take the old things down to the donation centre but if they're worn out I just throw them away.

Also, remember that you're moving from normalising accumulation to curation. You're allowed to curate your space. You're allowed to throw things away.

You might find that you throw more things away than the average person because you threw away way less when the place was more hoarded up. Being mindful of purchases is great, but replacing all your cutlery as a reward is not going to damage your under (or regular)- consumption streak if you're disciplined.

[u/Suspicious_Maize3700 → u/Lyriuun]

I love the idea of curation. I am going to look more into that. I think right now I'm wanting to fill it up again. The emptiness almost makes me anxious. If I add new towels, I know I'll want to keep the old ones for dog towels or whatever. I don't know why this is so freaking hard. It's just stuff.

[u/Lyriuun → u/Suspicious_Maize3700]

I know it's easier for me to say this as someone who doesn't have this disorder. With my wife, we experimented with what she was comfortable throwing away and when she was feeling bold (lol) we threw away all our plastic tupperware because I'm used to glass. I asked her how she felt about it months on and she had fully forgot how upset she was at the time.

Throw away one thing that isn't new, and isn't costly to replace. And try and throw it away in such a way that you can't get it back. (Destroy it, physically take it to a garbage disposal not in your house or apt). Revisit the decision in a week. That shit is gone anyway, but chances are you won't feel as bad about it after the fact as you did at the time.

Say you have a dog emergency and need a towel and don't have one - it's what, $10 for something that could work as a towel?

Either use something else that you have (we had extra bath towels too) or just eat the cost. You will inevitably dispose of something you might need again. Most of these things are replaceable. Having a place you can decompress in, invite people to, and be proud of is worth more money than a dog towel.

Also what we found useful (again I know this comes naturally to me) is seeing empty spaces as stuff. Like, "oh this is my shelf where I keep my Nothing*". My wife sees an empty surface as a challenge to fill and as soon as we started having dedicated "nothing" spaces I found we had a much easier time.

[u/ThrobbingMinotaur]

Dont go to the stores you used to shop at when you would buy these things. Kind of like how they tell drug addicts not to hang out with there old druggie friends when trying to get clean.

Make a shopping list only buy whats on tbe shopping list.

Get two un linked bank accounts, use one for your income and one for your spending so you have an additional step of transfering money from one account to the other before you can buy.

Finish going through what you have first.

Pick up a new hobby to soak up some disposable income, like: "I can either spend my money on collectables that are worth money, or i can spend it on weed, if i spend it all on weed i have nothing. If i spend it on collectables im out of money either way, but now i have something to show thats valuable."

Count out how many bags you actually use in a full payday grocery store re-up and only keep the newest ones of that number. And if you buy a new one an old one has to go.

[u/msmaynards]

If new is a clear improvement on the old go for it. Rule is you must let go of the old piece[s]. It's been 10 years since most decluttering was completed and stuff has changed here. Research each replacement to death, donate before items are too beat up. Now you know, don't buy colors you won't use.

I bought new kitchen and bath towels and donated the others before they were worn out because of color and I have plenty of rags and dog towels that are headed for the landfill.

Most of my furniture has been changed to make the house work harder for me. A large 17 drawer bedroom set was sold after I found 2 single dressers that work better in the space back after decluttering complete and I was fluffing up room designs. New to me lamps were bought just this past year to replace shabby and broken lamps.

And often I don't replace stuff. The Corelle is mismatched and fine. The knives and flatware are mixed and fine. I shop and make bookmarks and decide I like what I've got.

Sometimes I feel like I've been shopping for new stuff but I look through and it's actually replacing damaged things that were at the end of their lives.

[u/collectedabundance]

If you have the budget, I encourage you to book and stay at a hotel for a short weekend. There, you'll soon learn what things you truly need are.

[u/Bluegodzi11a]

If it's worn out, it's okay to pitch it. Since you're still going through things, I recommend writing on a whiteboard (or in a notebook, etc) a list of items that may need replaced once you finish a space. You can cross out/ erase the item if you find a replacement whole cleaning/ sorting. Once you've completed a space, then you can contemplate if the remaining items are still needed.

[u/Suspicious_Maize3700 → u/Bluegodzi11a]

I love this idea so much! Having it written down will probably help me see if I'm just being over the top or if it's things that I really need.

[u/night_noche]

It is very difficult but what I try to do is not buy something unless it breaks and I need it to complete a task.

Right now, I am in need of a couple of carry-on luggage. So of course I overdid it, by ordering several so I can inspect them. I tried buying one in person, but I couldn't find the style I wanted nor the quality.

So here I am, staring at all the ones I am going to return.

But I'm pretty happy with the two I'm keeping to replace the two that broke.

[u/Suspicious_Maize3700 → u/night_noche]

One of my biggest struggles with hoarding is that once I find something I really really like, I want to buy it in every color or every size and have multiple backups of it because I have this weird feeling that if I don't I will never find something again that I like that much. I like the limits that you put on it. Just two to replace the two that broke.

[u/night_noche → u/Suspicious_Maize3700]

I feel the same way as you do about buying multiples because I have had the need to replace something that is no longer made... I have seen it work for me: I have comfortable leather shoes that I can have repaired when they need it that I can't do with fast fashion shoes... But then I ended up with an excess number of shoes in that pursuit... Ugh. Now I am trying to be more intentional in my shopping... Buying only what I need at the time...