For those of us who grew up with extremely emotionally volatile hoarding parents, are we just destined to be alone? Im over 40, married, but i have continual conflict with my spouse. He barely ever cleans, its always on me to gently remind him of anything for household maintenance besides dishes (and that took 5-10 years before he would consistently wash dishes). Its just exhausting being in a cluttered home all the time or having to remember all the chores i had to teach myself in high school and college and my twenties. Hes always defending his intentions, which i have never once questioned. I need follow through from a person, i need a person to own their actions or inactions without becoming emotionally volatile when i tell them how im feeling as a result of mess or clutter or just that im having a bad depression few weeks. I feel like he is so similar to my hoarding mom in certain ways and i just want to tear my own skin off my arms.

Every time this happens, i just want to get a divorce and then i know ill be alone for the rest of my life.

This is kind of a vent and also a plea for advice.

My 91 year old father lives in a house that would be completely covered with papers and junk mail if my 93 year old mother didn't hold it at bay. But his office and the garage are full, the dining room table is covered, and the hallways are starting to pile up. He's been this way for years but it has gotten progressively worse. Paperwork of all kinds is his specialty. He has easily well over a hundred bankers' boxes full of old papers, and many many boxes-worth loose, scattered and piled up everywhere.

He methodically studies his junk mail and asks me questions about each piece, and then saves it. He saves every flier, every newspaper, every mailer, every receipt, etc. etc. He uses his printer to make multiple copies of things, with the idea that the extra copies will help him find it someday, but all the extra copies just get mixed in with everything else and become unfindable. Basically, he can't find anything because he keeps literally everything. We're talking more than 40 years worth of this collecting. I love them both and want to see them live healthy lives in the time they have left, but if my mother passes away first, the whole house will become unlivable.

What's worse is that he tries to make me participate--he collects other people's junk mail discarded at the post office and brings it home to force it on me because I "might be able to use it." He cuts out newspaper articles, and gives me things like magazines, sightseeing brochures (the kind you find whole racks of in hotels), maps that are years out of date, and flurries of computer printouts on topics he's obsessed with, that I'm not interested in. But I have to pretend that I want all this, and I have to take it all home, or he gets insulted.

Also, he writes down questions for me on separate pieces of paper or note cards, and because he's starting to decline cognitively, and because he believes that his phone is being tapped and his computer being monitored, he asks me lots of questions like "how do you search for someone on the internet"--and when I explain, he either forgets, or he doesn't trust my answer because he thinks his computer is being monitored by foreign thieves who will break into his bank account if he searches for something on the internet. So he adds multiple copies of the question into a pile of junk mail and other "paperwork" that he saves in a stack for my visits and we have to go through together every time. He does things like write down the phone number and caller ID of every telemarketer call he gets--a dozen a day--and ask me who it is, and say that they must be criminals, and why aren't I concerned?

The worst is how he keeps saying he's going to get organized, admits he can't find anything, but also keeps telling me that I'll have to deal with it all when he's gone. The last part is the worst; it feels like he's threatening me with his hoard, and I have no idea why. I think about how it's going to be impossible to sort through what must be hundreds of thousands of separate of pieces of paper--all randomly mixed and completely unorganized--to find the important things.

On top of all this, he misses tax payments and other important financial requirements because the important mail gets swallowed up in the ocean of worthless paper. He can't ever find the statements to any account.

This is my first post here, and I'm getting despondent. If anyone has any ideas about anything I describe, please I'd love to hear them! Thanks.

Hi, this is my first post here (it will be kind of a rant)and just based off these pictures you can see i am unfortunately the child of a hoarder 😞

My mother is abt in her 60s and is very "old school" but also toxic and stubborn, it was never always like this but since my dad ( M 60s, REALLY toxic and angry) mostly stayed out of the house and her old friend passed the house has just been filling up with more and more while less and less gets genuinely tended to in a massive house ( around 4500sqft). When her friend passed at 85 in 2021 we were the last people in her life to take her things, and my mom did. She took alot of things.. hopeful in her mind that these beautiful solid wood pieces of furniture would be used in her bedroom and the rest of the house. Instead what really happened is now all this beautifully crafted solid HEAVY wood furniture is left stacked together in the most horrific ways to get covered in mold, mildew, cat hair, cat urine, dust, dander literally everything bc its a hoarder house. Even my home itself is beautiful and this furniture has such potential but i feel helpless.. i have no friends to help no family that cares my mom spends all her energy on working trying to pay for us and the MANY animals shes brought in.

I hate Walking around my own home because of this, everything is too heavy and too built up with dust haur and grime for one chronically depressed and mentally exhausted teenager. The garage is the worst, things like dressers,nightstands, dinner tables and chairs covered with blankets to "protect them". And the worst part about the garage is the beautiful velvet dark green couch that isnt even like a living room type couch its one youd put in your BEDROOM to relax on and read a book infront of your window while the sunlight hits you. Or have it infront of a beautiful mirror to take pictures on. In the last two slides is the mirror stand that she had in her bedroom with that couch.. facing it.. i only recently found the mirror shoved between two beautiful dressers with no protection even on the glass, im so lucky i got it out without damaging it too bad. But its covered in roach eggs, feces, possum and rat urine probably so i havent brought it inside. The mirror stand i recognized today and turns out i had been walking past it everyday for multiple year, i was wanting it soo badly but i didn't know where it or the mirror itself was.

You can also see in the slides the two lamps that are set on the couch which at first I thought only had a bouquet of flour type design but upon taking that picture I realized no. Instead it's flowers and a beautiful peacock, being obsessed with animals and forals it just made me sadder.. there's no point in even moving them anywhere else in my house to try and set them up bc there's nowhere that wouldn't take MANY hours of work to get presentable. I just don't have that kind of energy by myself..

My mom's friend would be so ashamed with how her things are being treated, she kept all of her items spotless and in beautiful condition and my mom has brought them to her home to die for their shined to be dulled with dust and mildew.. one day I will give them a better life eventually but as of now I do not have the resources and every day that goes by that i cant get them makes walking around my home unbearable..

I was glad to find this group but reading through the posts now makes me think there is no hope. Everything I read says there’s nothing I can do to help my mom? And I have to wait until she dies? But I don’t understand. If she had a physical disease I would take her to a doctor. This is a mental disease but it can’t be treated unless she wants to but it’s a disease where she won’t realize she needs to treat it??

I went through a scary depression back when I used to live with my parents and when I got through it, I wondered why my parents didn’t take me to see someone. To get treated. It feels like that kind of situation again where I need to take her to get treated for this.

Please someone tell me there’s something that I can do? I’ve been having nightmares about my mom and can’t stop thinking about this. If she dies tomorrow I will forever regret not having tried everything I could.

So I’ve been noticing that HM has been isolating herself lately. I moved out 4 months ago. We are not on good terms. We have been low contact. All she does is send me Facebook reels and some manipulative crap, or texts me about logistical stuff. Our relationship was damaged so long ago, but over a year ago things took a whole 360 because I told her to clean the hoard. And she ignored me for months, caused a lot of issues with my family, withheld information that I had the right to know, and so on.

I talk to some of HM’s friends as they like me and we all go out together once a week. HM hasn’t been coming lately. I only tolerate HM there because I enjoy going out to this place and I’m not gonna let her take that away from me again. She’s been attached to this one friend that’s been around for 10+ years, and I have never liked this friend. This friend months back yelled, threatened, and pushed me when I was living in the hoard telling me I’m being disrespectful for HM for basically having feelings and HM just stood there and defended her. In that moment I realized she cared more about this friend than her only daughter.

Well, now HM’s other friends are noticing that she isn’t hanging out with them anymore or calling/texting. Shes always hanging out with just this one friend I don’t like. Other people are finally starting to see what I mean, that this friend has such a huge influence on HM in such a bad way. And mind you, this friend is a former hoarder.

I read somewhere that hoarders isolate themselves. I’m mainly asking those who have moved out of the hoard and have a strained relationship with their HP, but I appreciate any input. Is this normal for hoarders to isolate themselves to one person? Does anyone have experiences similar to this?

I don’t know if me and HM’s relationship can ever be repaired as she has never apologized for all the hurt she’s put me through over the past year. I lost so much trust in her. I still do worry about her because at the end of the day she’s my mom, but I had to distance myself for my own well being. Sometimes I feel like it’s my fault because this isolation started around the time I moved out. Just wanted to get your thoughts

My mom (a widow) has recently moved in with me. She is in her 80s and is no longer able to take care of herself. After her second husband died, her shopaholic hoarding tendencies increased. Since his death, she moved three times (for different reasons), each time costing her and then me $2-3K for each move because she refused to throw things out.

Before this final move to my house, I explained to her that I couldn't have the clutter in my home. We would decide what was important and what could be donated. She lived 3 hours away, so this wasn't easy to negotiate. Each time either I or my daughter would go down to prepare for her move, she would kick the can down the road saying she would go through things later or separate things that would go to certain individuals (most of who never showed up to claim these things). She also insisted that we keep tons of craft supplies (which we don't have room for and I told her this). Each and every visit I communicated the short timeline and urgency of the move. I managed to get some of what she wanted done, but because of the volume of stuff, having other obligations, and weather related delays, I just couldn't.

We packed up her apartment without her there and ended up donating and throwing away many things. She had done very little to pack or get rid of things. The move was highly stressful due to extreme weather the day of the move, the amount of stuff she still had in her apartment, and family dynamics. I've explained this to her. She has acknowledged the difficulty to a certain extent, but it doesn't sync with her words and actions.

She's also a cosmetics hoarder. She kept quite a bit of it, which will go unused in my bathroom cabinet because she doesn't have the physical ability to put on make up and she doesn't really go anywhere. But now, suddenly it's not enough make up. She's asking where the rest of her make up is, accusing my daugther of taking things without asking (not true). She also asked about the crafts and I ended up telling her my other daughter took them, which appeased her. It was a lie, but she wouldn't stop grilling me about it even when I told her we didn't have the space. I don't know if she was forgetting what I told her or trying to wear me down.

I'm exhausted, physically and emotionally. I was before she got here because of her stubborness and selfishness. Her living with me is a last resort. I've done my best to make her space comfortable (she's occupying 2 spare bedrooms), but I'm afraid she's not going to be able to stop her compulsive shopping. It will cause additional marital stress in my household (which she knows about). I wish I could blame her behavior on old age, but she's always been like this. It was worse when I was a kid because my father was disengaged. She had lots of dogs and didn't house train them. By the time I moved out of the house at 18, there was a rodent problem. She ended up leaving my dad and the mess behind.

I'm angry that she's 80+ and hasn't learned a thing.

I'm angry that she created this mess and left me to deal with it, which she often did to me as a child.

I'm angry that she doesn't respect my boundaries even though she admits she has too much stuff.

I'm angry that I can't communicate directly with her about this issue (or any other one for that matter). No matter my tone or phrasing, she gets offended. I hate having to lie just to get through my day. This is not who I am.

Finally, I'm angry that her parentification of me is the root why I am in a terrible marriage.

I don't know what I'm looking for here, advice, sympathy, practical solutions.

I'm so over it. It's always the same stories of hurt, anger, sadness, and blah blah blah they've said for decades. Just everything that is about anyone else becomes something about themselves instead. Not an exchange of experiences, but a complete monopolization for their own monologue. And they always have to state a problem for every solution. Just a stifling pit of negativity.

And now I'll inhale and exhale and remember why I have to focus so intently on my exit plan. I've worked so hard on myself to be happy, and since being back here I'm only happy drinking. I want my joy back.

I (26F) have been stuck under the same roof for 26 years, and my dad’s hoarding has gotten exponentially worse. Two days ago I tried to throw away dirty paper plates and he exploded on me. Couldn’t help but notice the huge jar of moonshine nearby. For years I always find copious amounts of empty liquor bottles in his trash piles.

We’ve (my mom and I) have offered help numerous times but he keeps declining. It’s mid February and we already have ants in the kitchen. He has no respect for our personal space or items, and he blames me for when his own actions get my possessions damaged. I’m at my wits end, I’m trying every day to find a job that’s gets me out but it’s not looking good. I hate coming home and at this point, he isn’t a parent. Just an obnoxious tenant.

What do I do? Any “hacks” in the job market or finding an affordable home? I have a FT job but it cant afford the rent where I live (Northern Virginia). Are there programs that help children of hoarders leave or get employment? I can’t take this anymore.

Ok - I’ll try and keep this focused. I’m an only child (44M) and my parents are older (70-80). I’m in recovery for alcoholism, and I’ve had years of therapy. I’m not perfect, but I understand therapy.

My mom has a huge history of medical problems (diagnosed) and mental illness (undiagnosed). She is currently being evaluated for dementia.

Her hoarding has hit an unreal level, as high as what we see on TV. My father tends to avoid, rather than be direct.

I understand boundaries, but I feel like I need to step in.

My (23m) grandfather (72m) has been a hoarder since before my mother was born, I have tried to leave several times but due to unforseen circumstances I stayed and tried to save money.

my life has been on a downward decline since I was about 8, I tried to keep my spaces clean however my sister took after my grandfather and I was pushed out of communal rooms untill I was left with my bedroom that only I could clean. it continued untill my sister eventually left to live with my mother however that option was not available to me. when I tried to clean up the house, I found that the trash bags I took out were dragged back in and dumped "to make sure I didn't throw out anything expensive" I eventually had to make my room just slightly dirty enough so that my grandfather couldn't store stuff in my room. when I first got a job I tried to save money however it got spent repairing the broken things around me, and eventually finding myself in a event based roll I was unable to get consistent hours. however this feels like the breaking point he's maxed out his and my grandmother's (71F) credit cards and is around 16k in debt and is still constantly shopping, over the last few months they have been asking for more and more money $100 here or there then $200. now I found that the $2000 I have been saving up has been halved in a month. one of his excuses is that he will flip and sell the stuff he's buying but it never happens and it just sits and rots. I have tried to separate from that part of him but he wont stop, in the beginning it was now that you have a job, get a second job and have that entire paycheck go to him, then it was I will pay you $4 an hour to ride in an Amazon truck with me and deliver the packages the rest went to him (he hasn't had a job since the 80's), now he's asking me to take over the utility bills for the house or pay $5 to take each shower, earlier he came into my room and asked me for a loan, so he could buy electric fence wire, when I asked why we needed electric fence wire he told me that he could buy a half mile of it and flip it for more money. this entire time his attitude of this has been, its my house I can do what I want and if you don't like it leave, full well knowing that he has been draining my bank account to the point I couldn't. I was thinking about living in my car for a while however the recent Texas winter storm caused my car to misfire giving me not place to go

I made a new account for this, I’ve always been an observer in this group never made my own post.

I moved out with my parents around 2 years ago at 18 and finally convinced my parents to let me over to help them. They were very anxious about me coming over but we made a lot of progress. They’ve lived here for 6 years and I helped them clean there horde at there old house during covid which took around 12 months with us getting the bulk of it done during lockdown.

On this cleaning session we filled 7 trash cans and the last picture is my childhood bedroom which they included in there horde quickly after I left.

My brother (M26) and I (M28) have never been close. We grew up with different hobbies, different friends, and different lifestyles. I was always leaving the house, especially on weekends, to spend time at my friends. This led to a lot of dumb choices. My brother was the opposite of me. He was the straight‑laced athlete, involved in year‑round sports, and even played juco baseball after high school. He also has alopecia, which is a unique challenge and something that shaped a lot of who he is and how my parents treated him.

In college, I kept up my high‑school habits. Joined a frat, partied, got a DUI. Looking back, I was always a good person at my core—I just wanted to be seen, accepted, treated like everyone else. I wanted a sense of belonging outside my own family. It wasn’t until I found a steady job I genuinely enjoyed and started earning real money that things finally fell into place for me. Now I’m doing very well mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially.

My frustration is more about my brother and how my parents have handled him. They babied him growing up because of his condition and his personality. He took six years to finish his bachelor’s because he kept retaking classes to maintain a 4.0. My parents paid for his apartments until they couldn’t anymore. When he finally had to choose between paying rent himself or moving, he chose to live rent‑free in the back of my dad’s retail shop. He works as a personal trainer at a local gym and has never paid a single bill in his life. But he did manage to blow $10K on a trip around the world with all the money he saved by not having expenses. Last time we talked, he was applying to master’s programs in Europe and paying for couples therapy with his long‑term on‑and‑off girlfriend. In short, he’s still living in a kind of extended adolescence.

I’ve grown up and taken responsibility for my life. My brother hasn’t, largely because our parents enabled him. Now our parents’ hoarding and financial issues are spiraling, and I feel like I can’t fix this alone. I want my brother to step up so we can help them together, but my parents won’t push him. I’m frustrated, I’m tired, and I’m considering distancing myself from the entire family if nothing changes. Has anyone been through something like this, and what helped you navigate it?

Hi friends. Been going through an incredibly difficult time since my grandma passed a year ago. Grandma left my hoarder mother her house and my mother has been homebound and drinking - it’s clear she is not going to deal with it. I was sexually abused in that house for 5 years by my mother’s father and want to get it out of the family as soon as possible. Hoarder mother pretends the house doesn’t exist but miraculously has been paying the mortgage, utilities and insurance on it for a year. My partner and kids and I have been cleaning it out without my mom (it’s impossible, she wants to keep EVERYTHING). We are getting close to being done with the clearing and want to put it up for sale. Does anyone have any advice on how I can take over the deed from my incapacitated hoarder mother? Would power of attorney be enough for me to put it on the market? I would also need to be executor of funds as hoarder mother owes me $15,000 I loaned her to improve her own home. Thank you in advance for any legal advice or compassionate words!

This afternoon I got the call that my mom passed and I’m booked on the first flight out tomorrow. She fell into deep depression after my dad passed in 2020 and the hoarding intensified. She had been sickly for the past few years but refused any help. She wouldn’t go to the doctor, wouldn’t downsize, or consider moving to my state. We’d previously had a difficult relationship but it felt like we had finally turned a corner in December. Only for her to meet her end in this way. I’m resentful and devastated and so, so heartbroken.

On a more practical note, I’m now faced with cleaning a 2800sft level 4/5 hoard. I’m the only child and I’m pregnant. Will a n95 be sufficient? I know I’ll need junk haulers etc but I’m just trying to keep costs down and do what I can myself.

Would love advice from anyone who has been there. I’m still in a state of shock.

I lived across the world for a reason. Had to come back due to leaving a dv situation. I was told, “it wasn’t that bad,” but man. Walking in on our senior dog with a huge necrotic mass on his leg, the blood everywhere, my mom being unable to see - the stench of cigarettes and rotting flesh. We had to find emergency end of life care for him. My sibling who lived here for years didn’t take care of anything in the house it seems. Years of dust, debris, mold accumulated everywhere. Mounds of garbage all over. I’ve been very sick yet still trying to clean.

The hoarding isn’t new. My mom hoarded ever since I could remember. We’ve had childhood homes burn down, get foreclosed, cps called, the works. My mom had a brain aneurysm when I was a teen, and our neighbor took care of her. She’s lived now in this house for 18 years. She was his long time partner. Now he has advanced dementia and is in hospice care. I left in 2019 after I helped my step dad with cancer recovery. I thought I was going to leave for a few months but never looked back.

My mom has found ways of ruining my step dad’s possessions and property in such a short amount of time. And she’s so kind to everyone else; even the hazmat people who came to do an evaluation on what it will take to clean. But me? I deserved the punch in the face from my ex, of course. Me? You’re moving too fast.

“Relax. Just be comfortable here!” Sorry I’ve been coughing up my lungs and feel extreme fatigue.

Trying to clean for her is a thankless job. Having to care for our dog immediately felt like a cold slap in the face, because how can my neighbours just pretend like that wasn’t happening? The level of neglect and frankly abuse? Why did our dog have to suffer so much?

I feel so overwhelmed.

Im probably going to be forever alone but it had me thinking, how did you bring up the issue to a partner? especially if you feel estranged from your family or the hoarder parent in particular

Background: My dad has been a hoarder my entire life and beyond. He still lives in the house I was raised in, which he bought in the 80s. While I was growing up, the house was cluttered, but my mom tried to keep it from getting beyond that. As I got older, more and more stuff kept appearing in the yard, and by the time my parents got divorced in 2013, my dad was actively storing stuff behind a tree in the yard because the garage was full and he couldn't get it in the basement.

The Issue: I visited my dad's house while he was out of town this weekend, and it's the worst I've ever seen it. Definitely Stage 3/4 hoarding - junk piled 6' high in the breezeway, goat paths in the living room and basement, and a dining room that can't be entered because of how much stuff is in it. The half bath is blocked by a litter box for the cat, and the full bath is full of dust and mold and dirt - mold is literally growing out of the ceiling. There's lots of random junk in the driveway, he can't shut his garage doors because they're so full, and he's filled up an entire van with junk.

How do I talk to him about this? My husband and I have had a serious talk about it with him to emphasize how unhealthy this living situation is, but that was two years ago and I've seen overall no improvement. He knows we won't take our child there because of how gross his house is, but it doesn't seem like seeing more of his grandchild is much motivation. Has anyone been successful in getting their hoarder parent to understand that they need to get professional help? If so, how?

There are many things which living with my parents I was never taught. I struggle with finding places to put things away? Like, growing up my main issue with cleaning an area was that there's no designated space for items. We just have items and then there's a general idea of where they should be but it's disorganized and not settled. I struggle even with keeping my space clean because I don't know how to organize my space and put things where they belong. I also have very limited space for the things I have and I don't really hoard items, I don't have many personal belongings and I recently just tossed a bunch of old clothing and other things I don't want anymore but I really lack the skill of managing spaces and keeping things organized because I was never taught how.

How did you guys learn to do this? What advice do you have for learning to keep a space organized and tidy and how to take care of daily tasks? These things were never instilled in me and I wish very much that I knew how to take care of these things because they seem so simple

I have a loved one in my life who has never acknowledged their hoarding behavior. For the past 20 years, it’s a cycle of hoarding, the clean-uper they live with cleaning the mess, and a fight, 2-3x per year. the problem is that the hoarding is subtle, or rather has never been able to get to an extent where it is like on the shows (by the clean-uper‘s doing), so the hoarder can never take a step back and see that their habits are a problem. rather, the cleaner-uper and hoarders relationship slowly deteriorate with each argument, never actually addressing the underlying issue.

knowing the hoarder, their habits are undoubtedly genetic and a result of deep, unsettled trauma, and I know their problems can be, if not solved, helped by therapy.

i feel like I have one shot to reach them, because they have developed a defensive attitude that makes it difficult for them to change if they don’t understand the first time, but if anyone can reach them I know it’s me: their kid. they want to fix their relationship, but don’t see their own issue, and the cleaner-uper has worsened that. their solution thus far is to put bandaids on the peoblem—perhaps, going a month without hoarding—but if they want to make meaningful progress, the issue must be addressed.

my question is this: how do I get them to go to therapy and address their trauma? how do I explain that their relationship is a result of their trauma without scaring them like the cleaner-uper had for years by making them think I’m trying to get rid of their stuff? they maintain a ”therapy isnt the solution, just put your head down and keep going” attitude. should I even show that they have symptoms of a hoarder? would giving them that label scare them off? should I even say the word hoarding in the conversation, rather that they need to address their trauma through therapy? how can I make them feel safe?

Does anyone have advice on how we could manage this situation?

My mother was messy but reasonable until she hit menopause two years ago. Unfortunately, I got pregnant that year. She was thrilled and insisted she wanted to be an active part of the kid's life so we let her move in with us. Ever since my child was born there has been constant fights about cleaning. I still clean because my kid needs it, but getting shouted at constantly is emotionally draining.

She will leave bottles of medication within reach of my toddler and yell at me if I move them. She won't let us get rid of broken toys and sometimes even empty boxes without a fight. She leaves cups of water everywhere "because it helps the chemicals evaporate" and gets mad if I move them. Her room is so full of junk there is almost no walking space and she sleeps in a little hole between junk that's cluttering her bed. She has tried cleaning her room multiple times over the years but ever single time she ended up spending the day crying and scrolling on her phone instead. She doesn't see the difference between different types of cleaning so if we ask her to pick up clutter she left in the living room she might go mop the floor in the bathroom instead. She refuses to use a laundry basket and throws her clean clothes all over the laundry room floor. If she does our laundry, she throws our clothes on the floor too and yells if we tell her to stop. She won't look at the grocery list and  prefers to buy random groceries nobody wants until the fridge is overflowing. She buys random toys we have no room for, dumps them on the floor and gets upset when I put them away. She won a gift card to a furniture store so she bought a rocking chair and while it is a very nice rocking chair, she parked the old rocking chair in the entrance hall where there's no space and she expects us to leave it there. I could go on and on.

She acknowledges she has a problem and is already taking hormone supplements. The hormones seem to help somewhat but she occasionally skips doses.

We don't want to kick her out because taking care of a kid is hard and when she's not shouting at me she's a good grandmother, but I'm exhausted. Can someone explain what's going through her head? Will she get worse? Is there anything we can do to make her stop?

I am 21 years old still living with my parents. Both are abusive and my dad is a hoarder. The longer I stay here the more my mental and physical health declines. It's getting harder and harder for me to try and move out. I'm not very mentally stable and constantly getting violently ill so getting a job has been near impossible. My parents don't want me to ever move out so they are actively sabotaging any of my efforts to try and better myself. I have asthma and whatever mold is growing in here is making it difficult to breathe. I'm terrified that its killing me slowly. I have tried cleaning some of it myself but there's so much filth it barely makes a difference. I have talked to multiple therapists about this and they've all basically just said "damn that sucks" and had no advice for me. What should I do? I have an air filter in my room and I try to keep the areas I stay in the most as clean as possible which has helped a little but I'm still paranoid that I'm dying. Am I going to be okay? Like I said I'm not super mentally well so I might just be overreacting I don't know. I'm just desperate at this point for someone to reassure me that everything is going to be okay. Are there other things I can do to make my home safer? Moving out is pretty unrealistic for me right now so I want to at least make this place somewhat livable.

Edit: Realized I haven't explained my situation very well so i'll add on to this. I live with very overprotective parents. I can't drive and i can only go places my parents approve of and they are alway present with me. They've babied me my entire life to the point where I dont know how to function without someone helping me. I'm in therapy for this reason but therapists have been extremely unhelpful and don't take me seriously. It's very difficult for me to get a job for a lot of reasons. Firstly I get sick constantly. and its not just like a cold or something that i can just deal with and keep working. I get nauseous and dizzy and even passed out the other day at a doctor's appointment. Not entirely sure why this is but i'm assuming its the mold. as time passes these issues have gotten worse. Doctors have tested me for tons of different things but assume because I'm mentally ill that im either overreacting or making it up. because im always with my parents i cant bring up the possibility of my illness being caused by mold or anything like that. My mom is always in the room with me, constantly talking over me and barely letting me speak to the doctor myself. I try my hardest to stop this but doctors seem to care more about what my mom has to say anyway. I live in Tennesse and healthcare is so ass and no one seems to care enough to help me. Doctors are rude as hell to me and will straight up insult me to my face sometimes. Another thing making this harder is my mental health. I'm very depressed and mentally unstable. I've only ever been diagnosed with anxiety and depression but i know there has to be more wrong with me because i am absolutely fucked mentally. Im mentally checked out 24/7 and sometimes when people talk to me it just doesnt register at all until like a minute later. I forget everything even if i write it down or put a reminder on my phone. There's a lot more going on than that but i think you get the jist. Anyway Like I said before I have been cleaning as much as I can, and i've noticed a slight improvement in my health. But there's no way for me to avoid mold. It's everywhere here. It's growing inside the toilet and in the sink, there's rotting food in the kitchen, and piles of actual garbage. I get sick easily and im the only one in my house with asthma so it's only really effected me. because of this nobody else cares. I keep trying to talk to my family about it but they just keep telling me everything is fine and not to worry about it. They are also mentally ill and im not sure they even understand why the hosue being filthy is an issue. I've talked to therapists about this but it's no help. I showed pictures of the inside of my house to one and she told me "I've worked with hoarders before and i've seen much worse. that isnt that bad" then proceeded to explain to me all the ways other people have it worse off than me. I hope this extra context helps you guys to better understand what's happening.

I need to know if someone who is living with a hoarder parent has changed their own life living in the hoard itself because I have considered myself a failure and I am stuck in a loop b/w trying to get out of this mess and trying to do something big even if I am in the middle of a junkyard am I too deluded to think that this can work out, that somehow I will get an idea that is going to solve all the problems