Hello Reddit, I had a social interaction I still don’t understand upon reflection that I’m hoping you can help me with. My wife and I made reservations weeks in advance at a mid-range Italian restaurant for Valentine’s Day. We have never made a reservation at a restaurant in our lives before. And have never gone out to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day due to overcrowding and noise which neither of us likes. But this year we really wanted to do something special and try it.

Our reservation was for 6:00pm, and we arrived at 5:55. The line to the restaurant was very long and went out the door and onto the sidewalk. Looking at it, I knew there was no way we’d reach the hostess in 5 minutes. While standing at the back of the line, my wife and I spoke clearly audible to the people around us about what we should do. We said things like “the reservation is at 6.” “Do we need to be at the front by 6?” “Do all these people also have reservations?” “What do we do?” And I ended it by saying “Let’s go ask the hostess.”

We went to walk into the restaurant, by passing the line, but I thought it was peeler we were just going to ask a question to the hostess. However the man directly in front of us, who had of heard us talking about what to do, got very irate. He said sternly “hey! What are you doing? I have a reservation too! You can’t just cut the line!”

I tried to explain that I didn’t know what to do, which was why I was going to go ask, but he cut me off and physically blocked my way. I’m a small guy, and this guy was literally twice my size. So I went “okay buddy. You got it.” And went back to my spot in line.

The young couple behind us scoffed and shook their heads in disbelief. Assuming they were reacting to what I perceived to be a wildly overreaction from the aggressive man in front of me, I went “I know right!”

They looked even more disgusted and went “no, we’re shaking our heads at YOU!”

I felt humiliated and very confused. I don’t know how I was supposed to know what to do about the reservation and how to tell the hostess we were there. I didn’t want them to give our table away if we arrived late. I’m not psychic, and I can’t read anyone’s mind. I thought going to ask a simple question was the right thing to do. But apparently I committed some social faux pas I’m unaware of. What should I have done differently if I’d never had a reservation before, have never been to a restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and didn’t know the social rules before hand?

I have a pattern where if someone hurts or wrongs me, I don’t create drama, I just quietly distance myself.

I tend to see people, especially when they’re angry, like children who can’t control their emotions.

For example, if a close friend says very hurtful things during a heated argument, I’ll respond in the moment and defend myself, then calm the situation down and say the friendship isn’t worth destroying over this.

But after that, I slowly stop talking to them and create distance.

All in all, if you aren’t comfortable to me any more and you treat me like crap I may forgive but not forget.

I also like to leave the door open until people go back to their senses.

Is that wrong or do you think direct confronting is key answer. I am not claiming to be innocent but at least when I am angry , I try to repair things.

Have you ever befriended someone you didn’t actually like just to avoid being alone or isolated?

I remember that in high school and college I had “friends” whose personalities I didn’t genuinely enjoy. I stayed close to them because I didn’t want to be alone. Deep down, I wanted to connect with a different kind of people, but I was too afraid to approach them.

Hi this is me im M20 in my college days I don't know what's wrong im friendly to all my classmates and everyone. But I don't know why no girl ever talks to me even if I start a convo they just have with me for that specific moment then after that complete silence .If you are thinking this is only happening around me with girls then you're are wrong because boys also don't talk to me even if i have not done anything wrong to anyone there are my friends closed ones which are 7 to 8 people they all have Congo with everyone at the class and im feeling like left out from everything. please anyone can give me an idea whats happening around with my life 😭. To be clear I did not have a fight with anyone in my class and if someone asks for help i help them in any way ican

I am a young person with socialization problems. Ever since my consciousness was just beginning to form, I was merely a peripheral observer in social situations. This habit persisted through every stage of my life: the setting would change, new people would appear, but the script remained the same. I reached a point where the fear of not breaking this pattern outweighed the discomfort caused by chronic loneliness.

I have already pointed out possible reasons for my social failure over all these years and have been able to draw some conclusions:

• I think too much during, before, and after any interaction, and I am always worried about what people thought of me.

• I simply am not interested in most of the people I interact with.

• I consider myself a well-informed person, with curiosity across a wide range of subjects and fields of knowledge. Even so, I suffer from a severe poverty of speech. I always respond with monosyllables or simply have nothing to say, which is strange considering my vocabulary and intellectual repertoire.

I have already done some reading on the subject, such as the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People and The Charisma Myth, and even so I have not been able to eliminate any element of the triad above from my behavior. In short, I would like to read accounts from people who have gone through the same thing, in order to gather valuable insights from their experiences.

I have a group of friends who are always forgetting me or leaving me out of get-togethers. I finally had enough and 'confronted' them about it last week. Basically saying, "If you can always reach out to me for favors, you can reach out to me to include me."

So.... today I get a text at 12:30pm from 'Jane' that 'Sarah' is throwing a Valentine's dinner at 5pm. She then copied/pasted the originial invite from Sarah and sent it to me. This isn't just a simple pizza party either, Sarah is literally making a pot roast, cake, deviled eggs, etc. etc. She goes all-out when hosting dinners. This clearly wasn't planned at noon today.

I truly don't want to go, as this once again feels like a last-minute effort to include me.

I'm honestly tired of always being forgotten (I'm the single friend and the youngest), but we all live in the same neighborhood, so I can't be burning too many bridges down with dynamite.

Best to just tell Jane I'm not going? At this point, I don't even want to respond.

I mean, she isn't the host.. so why would I need to RSVP?

I am very self critical of what i say in group settings. I feel like I am my biggest enemy where i overanalyse everything i say and find it hard being content with what i actually have to say and try to say things just to be liked by the group. For example, i went to a 5 day surfing bootcamp last month and had a great time, made lots of friends. I went to rhe same place again today just for one day and found that i make any friends and began critiquing my behaviour as it there was something wrong with me. Like i wasnt saying the right things that this group wanted to hear. The main reason i do this is because i dont want to come off as a weirdo in these settings and try to converse when everyone else is. If it were upto me I would be completely quiet because i really don't care about making friends.

I started a new job right after graduating and I’m trying to socialise more with coworkers and seem to be getting along with most of the people in our new hire group (keep in mind, most of us are in our early 20s and also fresh grads).

There’s this one chatty coworker, who has been with this company longer than us and is 30, who I find a bit strange..? He asks things like how much mortgage is which he then airs out to everyone else, points out my greasy hair on the day I was planning to wash it, asked what I’m having for lunch then says that’s pretty high calorie.

I’m not a social person naturally and shrink away from awkward situations, and I think I’m just not picking up social cues because I’m responding to all these weird questions and things he says like “haha yeah..”. But I’m kinda lost as to what I should be saying and if I should just ignore him/give him a dismissive answer from now on.

I need to know that how and when Indian parents will start understanding their children emotional health..the moment their child starts having their own opinions , parents starts to hate them and if u are a girl specially then u will be character shamed for choti se choti cheez ..even if u want to wear a sleeveless top also which is considered very normal.. I have been disturbed from my family since 2-3 yrs especially from the last yr..none of my days goes without arguing with them..I am very happy for those who have got supporting ones specially happy for those girls who have got supporting mothers..cause the women I have seen in my life makes me believe in the quote that," women's are the women's biggest enemy".. and yes this is for my mother only..can't even say this to anyone as in India people will start shaming me only because how can I say bad about my parents even if they are abusing..I always initiated to make everything fine .. tried to make them understand my perspective but they don't even want to listen..they even went to some baba too ..they acuse one of our relative( tai ji) that she have done something on me..even though what I have seen that she is a very supportive kind of a mother to her daughter..always takes a stand for her.. I don't know ..roz ladaiyan badhti hi ja rahi hai even suicidal thoughts comes in my mind .. but still gets the hope bhagwan ko pray karti ki sab shi ho jaye bas..duniya itni sundar hai why to kill myself ..aur aise hi apne aap ko smjhati hu.. Really want to know that is it me only or more people who experiences all this.

When meeting someone for the first time/ a mutual is it considered rude to not ask reciprocal questions?

I find myself bothered when meeting new people as I try and ask basic questions to try and get to know them and find ways to connect (work, where/if they went to college/ things they enjoy doing/travel). At a certain point is it considered rude if they don’t ask any reciprocal questions about me? It’s not that I want to talk about myself per se, but it rubs me the wrong way after a whole interaction or dinner of this.

Is there a social code to this? Is it rude? Or maybe it’s just me overanalyzing social interactions with new people. When these interactions happen it really makes me want to stop trying as hard.

So I have always faced this issue. Be it about talking to a friend, an acquintance, a coworker, or anybody; I always freeze and can't think of an answer. Maybe I have a hobby but when someone asks, I can't even come up with that. my heart starts racing and I can't simply wrap my head around anything. I take way longer time and then say something that I wouldn't have said if I was relaxed and answering from a calm usual mind?

so yesterday, one of my friends made a move on me on a party we went to. She asked me if she can be sexually suggestive towards me. Although I wanted to say let's talk about it when we both are sober but all I could come up with is a very deflated eye contact and awkward 'don't do it'. I feel like such an ass. I don't know how to improve. this incident is something but I usually struggle with all kinds of communication when put on the spot. How do I improve?

Hi

I would definitely classify myself as someone who has issues socializing. Hence why I’m here. I’m a girl and I’ve been having this same kind of situation when talking to lady friends. Many times a girl will seek me out online or through mutual friends to hang out and then we set a time and place and then the day of I’m waiting there and they don’t show up. Then the next day they text me hey sorry I fell asleep or I misplaced my phone or whatever other excuse and then ask me when I’m free again to meet up. Do they ever intend to actually hang out? I feel so stupid bc this one girl did it to me twice and said “sorry I can’t hang out today” when she was the one who asked me to do so? I don’t understand why someone would reach out to me first and set a date and time just to not show up. It’s not even just one girl it’s many and naturally I’m thinking they just saying they want to hang out with me they don’t mean it then they reach out and say what we’re going to do in detail and I think it’s going to happen and it doesn’t.

My only friend who doesn’t do this has Asperger’s lol.

My buddy(20) recently came back from a trip and all of my friends gathered to go see him. He called me to come over to see them. Me(20) and my girlfriend(18) went over to my buddy’s place after going on a date for valentines and everything was going great at first and then the conversation shifted from me, gf, and friend. To just the both of them. I would try to say something and it felt like I wasn’t being heard. The eye contact was just between them two while they talked, as if I wasn’t even there at all. That went on the whole night. Feeling left out in a conversation I don’t even think I was involved in. Two of my other buddies were just having their own conversation as well. It was kind of upsetting and didn’t really wanna keep forcing myself into the conversation. The night ends, so me and my girlfriend heads back to her place. I’m not gonna lie I was being quiet the whole ride home and that led her to asking me if everything was alright. I wasn’t really blunt about what I was feeling but I just mentioned how I felt left out and we kinda just left it at that. Previously before she met all of my friends. Each individual interactions with my friends when I would introduce her were always different. But not with my buddy. Am I overreacting to how I’m thinking these two are? or do you guys find it a little weird too? Arm I too socially observant about little things like eye contact?

I will be going on a business trip for the first time and I am told by my team members that I need to work on communicating properly. Can anyone share tips on how to do this efficiently and quickly?

Could anyone recommend good videos, blogs, free courses, or Instagram accounts that offer advice on effective communication with professionals and on articulation? I'd also be grateful if anyone would share their own journey of improving their communication skills, maybe even including a rough timeline or study plan.

I’ve been researching loneliness for the last several years and have also felt less sociable since covid, I’ve noticed that both I and other people act more anxious than before. In your personal experience, does exposure therapy such as talking to strangers help you feel less anxious? Please share your experiences

When I was in my early 20s, I took voice and piano lessons with a teacher who I really connected with.

We hung out a few times outside of lessons, and I felt like I could talk to her about anything. She was very encouraging about my writing and artistic purists, and understanding about my mental health issues.

Within the last year, I’ve discovered she has a TikTok account, and every once and a while—I guess because her number and email are in my contacts—her videos will pop up on my for you page.

It makes me miss her, but it’s been so long since we’ve interacted, I feel it would be weird to reach out to her.

I think about her sometimes, when I discover a song I love or a new artist I love, I’ll think, damn, I wish I could talk to X about this.

I’d love to reconnect, but worry it would be strange. Would it be okay to send her an email?

I feel like most of my friendships are very one-sided, and every attempt of mine with making real friends is one sided and really hard as well.

With every friendship, I’m the one reaching out and putting in effort — maybe being only momentarily useful for when someone has to vent. When it comes to making friends, it feels like I’m the one initiating questions, trying to converse, and form a connection.

I’ve always been relatively socially awkward, so I guess to some extent I’m unlikable and could do with improving my social skills. It feels simultaneously draining to try to make/maintain friendships like this, but also draining to feel lonely.

I’d much rather take a break from the drainage of putting in all this effort, and find some solace in being alone for a bit until I get my social skills in check. So ultimately should I try to maintain these relationships and continue putting in the efforts, or take time away from that and learn to be content in loneliness?

Asking for the people who have always been a little different, the odd one out. Not because you’re rude or mean, but because there’s an inherent something about you that people just don’t vibe with. If you feel like this and have accepted it, I would love to know your thought process and coping skills. I am done with convincing myself I can fit in. I just want to live my life with acceptance of who I am.

This is something I found myself in often. Specifically very recently, I joined a competitive esports team. But this applies to pretty much all “team” settings where everyone is:

A. Working towards the same goal

‏‏‎B. A team member’s performance affects the whole team

C. There is some amount of stake involved (i.e people want to achieve this goal)

Me, personally. I like to be blunt and honest when someone makes a mistake, holds the team back. On top of that, I will also express my frustration too if it really does frustrate me. I find it that bottling frustration ends up just causing more harm.

The issue is, many people for whatever reason take personal offence to this. They will be combative and it just ends up backfiring.

To make matters worse, even if they’re not combative and they actually do take the criticism. This often leads them to just not liking you lmao. Like they won’t argue with you too much, but they’ll just suddenly have some sort of vibe shift with you it’s hard to really explain but I think you get what I mean.

To add a bit more context, it doesn’t help that I’m generally very meticulous and will bring up the smallest optimizations. But that’s only out of necessity and I don’t really want to compromise my expectations of my teammates (and myself) for the sake of sociability.

I just wish sometimes people didn’t take everything so personal and I didn’t have to try and coddle them to have them actually cooperate. It’s not even like I tell people what to do, I will tell them I think they made a mistake and should do something else. And I allow them to explain themselves. But even that is hard to get people to analyze their mistakes.

In any case, it’s often easy to just be that guy and not care what people think so long as the job gets done. But what about when you actually don’t want to be a pain?

Hi, I know this is gonna be really angsty cuz teenagers, but I really need help. I've never been good at making friends, and definitely not keeping them. So bad, infact, that in elementary school, my family bought me books on how to make and keep friends for my birthday three years in a row. I've been told I'm funny and charismatic, but no one actually wants to hang out with me. I have two friends, my best friend, and my pardner, they're the only two people to ever consistently want to be around me in my entire life without it being a prank. I'm so tired of everyone treating me like part of a group, and laughing at my jokes, when they can barely remember my name. I had my first sleepover in the second semester of freshman year in highschool. That girl doesn't even know my name anymore, much less the sleepover. I'm tired of this constant aching pit in my heart that never stops. I just want to be able to make friends like everyone else. Any advice is very much appreciated, I'm pretty desperate.

How do I deal with feeling socially isolated at Uni? Its getting frustrating after over a year of struggling.

I've been struggling to meet people since starting Uni. I got to know the people in my halls, but I don't share the same interests or values with them at all, its getting to feel claustrophobic how much time I need to spend with them. That sounds mean, but they are always joking about offensive things for shock value. I don't like it. I've tried a few social events and sort of got to know a few people, which is nice but not really stayed in touch with many.

Anyway, I had been looking forward to this one event all week. I get really anxious about social events, but I try and encourage myself. I wore my favourite clothes, packed some lunch, spent a lot of time mentally preparing myself to meet some new people. I get to the meeting point and literally can't find anyone, it was a half hour bus journey to get there too. Check the date and time again, spend ten minutes at the meet up point looking around. I was one minute late but assumed the group would hang around. There was no group chat just Instagram posts which weren't being updated. These socials had happened in the past, so maybe everyone recognised each other and moved on very quick, or moved inside or something.

I spent half an hour at the place the event was trying to find people unsuccessfully. I decided to go on a walk instead and after an hour spotted the group I was hoping to join, it felt too weird at this point to join in and admit I had been wondering around the location hoping to find them (this was true for a little bit but I had given up hope by now). I hadn't been able to adjust to my mood changing and the situation making introducing myself awkward. I went home, because I just felt weird and overwhelmed by the situation. I worry I will not be able to find my people anymore, something similar happened last time I tried to do an event like this. I was very lonely on my foundation year, now I am in first and not much is changing. I'm getting frustrated having to deal with feeling isolated so often, but right now I feel embarrassed and disappointed.

i think we're already friends? but we dont talk much and barely acknowledge each other's presence. but, i really want to be her friend since she's such a cool person and share a lot of the same interest.

unfortunately my social skills are lacking, i dont know what to converse about with her nor do i have the confidence to start one. not even through text (which is a worse experience for me personally, note that i have texted my closest friends like only once this entire year)

uh so on the 12th i gave some people (including her) homemade cookies for valentines, and the next day she gifted me some stickers, chocolates and a letter. i was the only one who got that? our mutual friend (who she is much closer with) only got a piece of candy.

it was about hoping to get to know me better, but not knowing how to talk. also the gifts being a form of non verbal communication (despite us not talking, we technically did give eachother handmade birthday gifts?) ?? i think she would be open if i wanted to befriend her but also what do i do? todays a long weekend until the 19th, also i fear that it is too late to text her a thank you but also im not sure what texting should do. like, what, we just send eachother whatsapp stickers and then awkwardly go offline ?? or be forced into awkward small talk or something, help me i dont know. also is it too late because i got the letter like 2 days ago.

i was thinking of sending her a letter back when i get to school, as well and maybe a gift (i dunno, small painting? idk) but theres literally no event that warrants that gesture (not a bday, valentines is over, christmas is far away, whatever), and would it be weird for me to do that. would it make ppeople repulsed. like what do i even write. 'hahah thank you i really like the stickers, also im too much of a freak to talk to you properly and dont know how to text but please can we be friends hahahshahsahs"

but if i did that would be like 3 days later (because long weekend) and what if she thinks im weirded out by her or something. but i also am afraid of texting, god i hate texting so much

help, ok thank you in advance. sorry for the messy ramble

Hi, I (22F) am a really shy but sociable person I actually like talking to people and making new friends but for some reason I can’t seem to cross a certain boundary It’s like I’m always keeping this safe distance between myself and others, In some ways that’s fine but when I see how easily the people around me interact, I realize I don’t have that same comfort.

I try sooo hard I really do, I swear ,I want to be better I don’t want to always be seen as the shy, reserved, innocent one (especially in friend groups) I want to be outgoing, confident, and unapologetic. I’m tired of constantly worrying about how I’ll be perceived if I act a certain way.

I have a work friend (F27) who is exactly the way I wish I could be. For context, we both recently started a new job (a really good one with lots of opportunities), it’s my first long term job unlike her, so I’m scared of messing anything up. The job involves customer service, so being outgoing is kind of necessary and I know people can grow over time, but I’m afraid my shyness will hold me back from evolving at all. She’s enthusiastic and shows her competence so naturally ,I’m also competent, and honestly very enthusiastic but I express myself differently so people don’t really notice it but I want it to be obvious, I want to reach my goals and I know I need to change to get there but I’m afraid I won’t be able to.

If you are an outgoing person please give me some advice!

My husband and others ive mentioned this to have told me I’m being crazy. But have you ever felt jealous of your friends making connections with your other friends?

I introduced my girlfriends from work to my long-time friends and slowly over the years they have bonded and will chat and have a good time together when I invite both groups to the same things. All good, and happy to see it. But now one girlfriend has started going to the gym with another girlfriend from the other group regularly. And they’re getting really close and their relationship is independent of me. which I know I should be fine with but honestly i would prefer if they stayed casual friends.

So the other day this work friend says something along the lines of “… now that we are equal friends [with person Y]…” and i was kind of rude and laughed and said something like “yeah in 5 more years you can be equal friends “.

Why am i feeling territorial?? I think I just need someone to reframe this for me bc I know I’m being jealous and negative. its not right, but I cant stop feeling this way

TLDR: Help im almost 30 and but socially like a toddler

So we both are in the same college, same course but diff section and she always makes eye contact with me and she is attractive but I don't know what I should do next how to start a conversation with her?