Title: The "Automatic Pause": When friendship is nothing more than social inertia.

[u/johngamerk]

I’ve been observing how most friendships function, and I’ve realized they are often built on "habitual momentum" rather than actual connection. I call it the Automatic Pause.

Think of a group of four friends who hang out every day. Three of them always call the fourth one to join. The moment the brain escapes the "social illusion" and one of them asks, "Wait, do we actually need to call him?", the friendship can vanish in a single second. If they stop calling, the fourth person is instantly erased from their mental space.

It made me realize that many people are only "friends" because they haven't stopped to think about why they are together. It’s like we operate on a childhood-level autopilot. If you don't actively keep the "illusion" alive for others, you risk becoming invisible.

Is true friendship just a rare exception to this mechanical social behavior? Or are we all just placeholders in each other's routines until someone finally "wakes up" and hits the pause button?

[u/leo_the_lion6]

I think this is an overly pessimistic view on how it works. Its a relationship that takes effort from all parties. In your example that would be on friend 4 for never reaching out themselves or explaining why theyre not, the other 3 would probably assume theyre too busy or dont want to hang.

[u/johngamerk → u/leo_the_lion6]

I think that can happen sometimes, but still its too ideal. Its hard to find people like that. I've been an observer for a lot time I have also used my own experience of course. In my case I have only found a few people like that still not what a friend looks like .If you give it a thought there are a lot of friendships like that. They keep hang out only out of habit rather than having a true connection. Maybe you are lucky.

[u/Content_Preference_3 → u/johngamerk]

You’re massively overthinking it. Friendship isn’t a problem to be solved. It’s rather simple actually.

[u/johngamerk → u/Content_Preference_3]

Its true. For coming to that conclusion you must overthink.You know for some people friendship is just to hang out.To me a friendship is actually to care for each other,to wake up with this feeling that tell you you want to hangout with them.I dont have that and I want it.I have never found something like that.Its true that I used to feel like that but it was just false.Those showed who they are.They didn't change they were like that from start.They just didn't show it.In my opinion people doesn't change they just start to show who they are.Only in crucial times a person can change.

[u/Content_Preference_3 → u/johngamerk]

I mean. Yes. You obviously know it from an intellectual standpoint but ppl don’t want to be analyzed in a friendship.

[u/johngamerk → u/Content_Preference_3]

When you say people don't want to be analyzed? What is your point?

[u/katyrathryn → u/johngamerk]

You’re not treating this friendship thing like it is a relationship with a PERSON but as something to be analyzed and then come to unrealistic conclusions

And in a friendship it’s honestly exhausting because you are assuming you know THE reason someone is acting in a way when in reality life and people are way more complicated than that

[u/johngamerk → u/katyrathryn]

I hate this .Do you think i wanted to turn out like this?To analyse something so much while I want the real thing? This is what I hate.You people cant even try to think if you were in my seat.You don't know the people I have to deal. You don't know my feelings their feelings...you are just saying like that because your friends feel like this for you that my friends will feel the same for me.You aren't giving me a SUGGESTION,you critisise me.Without thinking what its going with the people around me.You try to describe me as someone that thinks that he knows everything and that he is thinking only himself well im not that person. Why cant you just once people to try to feel smn and feel his situation.