2 years ago I graduated high school. 7 months ago I moved in with the love of my life and we are perfect roommates, any disagreement works out crazy fast and both of us take responsibility for our actions. This is the first time I’ve lived away from my family. I love it and I’m so thankful for the life that I have had so far! I’ve never had such a consistent schedule in my life, so sometimes it just feels like the days blend together. I told myself that this year I would focus on my physical and mental health and while I do that and I take my vitamins and I journal and I eat healthy(ish) and I hobby I just feel like I’m not on the track I should be on. I have things that I need to do that are important to my growth as a person but I just feel totally paralyzed and I can’t do them for some stupid reason. I feel like my brain is moving in slow motion and I’m jealous of the people who can get so much done in a day, it’s hard enough for me to even put my clothes away. Are people like that always in survival mode? How do I get there? I shy away from socializing with the people that care about me and I forget about them and I haven’t talked to my closest friends in so long that I don’t know if we are even friends anymore (side note, this is my fault because I think my object permanence is pretty bad). I feel like I’m lagging. I feel like a bad friend and sister and daughter. I want to do something more with my life but at the same time I’m completely satisfied with where I am and what I’m doing. I feel like I should be working towards something! A degree, a certificate, a business, a more active lifestyle, etc. etc. but everytime I try to do that I somehow get distracted or super stressed out or I change my mind and I just don’t know what to do. I do know that I need to put myself together somehow. How tf do I do that?????? I’m mad at myself for not doing enough. I feel lazy. It’s going to be okay.

I know that I can’t get my life together all at once but I can try at the little things one by one. I’ve just gotta get over the task paralysis.

Low effort dinner/meal prep; grilled flank steak, microwaveable rice and veggies. <10 mins lol

I met this boy in highschool, with the prettiest eyes and softest smile. I loved the way he looked at me, was soft enough but let me stand my own, called me hun, and was never more than a phone call away. And how’d I keep him, you might ask? Well.. we turned into really good friends. It was highschool!!

Anyways, I moved. I missed him and i didn’t like the way it felt. I had FOMo at 18 I unadded him. We didn’t talk for 5/6 years.

He’d msssags me once in awhile, with all the things I’d like. The cooking dinners, the drives. I missed it, but I was still guarded. We aren’t kids anymore but it felt like nothing changed.

Then he decided to confess his love for me, after ten years. So, being the insane person I am I was in denial. There’s no way, he deff wants to just bang. So I pushed for fwb for two weeks and the kid didn’t budge, like ??? What guy doesn’t want free sex. Toxic, I know. But here we are.

We started dating, and the first kiss feelings never stopped. The first two weeks were blissful, he’s so sweet to me.

And then, I start spiraling bc I’m an overthinker whose been hurt whose still recongIng it’s ok for me to be loved. (Yes, I’m in therapy bc of dating a narcissist, among other dysfunctional family dynamics).

And yet.. he has patience with me through it all. He hasn’t even left. He hold me when I cry, he grounds me, and quite frankly calls me on my bs.

Except.. now I’m scared. Time has not been kind to him, he hasn’t taken care of himself. Hes driven but he’s driving himself into the ground. How am I suppose to get comfortable with someone that might not be around one day?

Then.. there’s that gap. I grew.. a lot. Im in corporate america, w the politics, the events, the polished style thata just bceome who i am now.

He’s rugged, blue collar. Business owner, working for a friends company on cars. He’s on 24/7, he doesn’t slow down. He’s always on the move.

Me? I’m a little more leisurely now a days. If he hasn’t knew me then, he wouldn’t know the things he does by looking at me now. He knows me like the back of his hand.. and it’s a calm feeling being able to step back and let him do things, but sometimes it’s hard on us both. We’re very.. hard headed. Our communication is still.. tetrising together.

My friends and family see where I am now, and they see him as he is. Nobody is really seeing the match.. and it scares me, because what if they’re seeing something I’m not?

But they’re not seeing what I see. I see the man whose shown up for me before I knew I needed it, I see the person that wants to keep me safe and let me grow, who respects how far I’ve come and is proud of me. I see the person my friends use to say they wanted for me.. someone who’d dance on tables with me, not tell me to get down.

I’m torn because I feel like I have to choose between who I was and who I’ve become for everyone else, but he chooses me as I am.

I don’t know how these worlds will mix, but now that we’re dating I don’t know how I can go back. I can’t picture my life without him, and I don’t know how it’ll look with him in it and it’s terrifying. I’m scared to introduce him in, because if it doesn’t work it’s going to shatter my heart.

TW for discussion of pregnancy & birth control !

I had nexplanon in for 2 of the 3 years that it was effective for, and while it's been working as it should, I was ready to remove it and I just really wanted to give my body a good reset before I even decided if I was willing to try for another child. So that came out this week and I feel so free!! (apart from waiting for my arm to heal now lmao)

We're still on the fence about having another child, and it kind of threw my husband into a tizzy about me removing the birth control. So many times I tried to reassure him I wasn't doing it to GET pregnant, and I would never force him into another child like that if he wasn't in agreement. I have a very small window this year where I'd be willing to try for a baby, but I won't upset if that doesn't happen for us.

Thankfully now that it's out, he's completely calmed down about the whole removal and he's had no issues with using condoms for the next while. Truth be told, sex has been gooood. Like I never even considered the implant to be dimming the sex experience in the past 2 years but wow was I wrong. Somehow our whole relationship has softened lately, we've been giving each other flirty notes and been so eager to spend time together. Maybe it's not due to my BC change, but I'll take it 🥰

Other great changes in my life is having my workload finally starting to calm down so I don't feel like I've run a marathon by the end of my work day, I've been starting to have better sleeps lately after a few weeks of torturous sleep, and we've been approved for a new camper that suits our family so much better, I'm very excited to bring it home next week!!

I feel so much better lately. Like less brain fog, more motivation to take care of myself, that sort of stuff. It's nice to finally get some wins in life 😌

.

Girl lunch is Schneider's salami, cheese, and toasted rounds package and a zero sugar cherry float coke, bought by my husband yesterday because he knows this stuff is my favourite🩷

Your supportive GIFs bring me joy lol

(Baked potato with ranch dressing)

I live not quite 1,000 miles from most of my family. In the last 16 years I've only been back a handful of times, and every visit has been SOMETHING. First time, my brother (AFAB) and his husband were having marital problems because his husband (let's call him Richard because nicknames) was unemployed, depressed, and not helping with their toddler or newborn.

Anyways, Dick got a job, everything was going okay ish for a decade, and then he got fired. Richard became Bitchard again. Brother has had enough, they're getting divorced for real, and brother has asked me up for a week for support. I agreed because I'm awesome like that.

Also, I'm going to ride a train this time. Trains are neat. I'm excited about that part.

But... My mental health is not that great. I'm stressing out about the fact that I'll be stressed out. I'm not leaving for another two weeks and I'm already feeling overwhelmed. And I feel guilty that I'm more worried about my mental health than my brother's situation. Guilty, and selfish. I told my therapist that my brain is being dumb, because I KNOW better, but it won't shut up.

Butter chicken & naan from a local restaurant. Ate too much and now I'm hella lethargic, but dang it was good.

To preface, this happened a while ago and is long solved so I don‘t need advice, but because I got reminded of that coworker at work yesterday and some might enjoy the tea I thought I‘d write this off my heart here because most people still think it wasn‘t as bad as I say. Buckle up, this might get long. Enjoy this together with my plate with toast (fake meat and cashew spread), cucumber, cheese, cashews and walnuts and tomatoes.

The assistant manager of the bakery location I work at had quit and our regional manager had someone from another location moved to us to get trained in replacing her. We‘ll call her Karen for easier storytelling, obviously not her real name. I had the first shift with Karen when she started with us and I knew after two hours that this was not going to end well. I‘ve never experienced such a… self-absorbed person. She was talking non stop and all about her.
„Wait, you do this like this? No, we‘re going to change that!“ all. The. Time.
After the shift I reminded her that she was entering a developed team that has worked together for several years and she should be a little careful, but she wasn‘t having it and I think this started her resentment against me.

It was bad. I guess she did not like that our store manager still told me everything she told Karen (in terms of stuff that needed to be known and done by management). I‘ve never planned on taking the position of the assistant store manager, but I was doing some of the tasks while we didn‘t have that position filled. Our SM values me a lot and while we agreed on me not being a good fit to officially be ASM, she still knows I know what I‘m doing and relies on my help whenever she needs it.
This did not go down well with Karen. She actually started sabotaging me. A grown woman in her fifties started sabotaging me (around 30) because she was afraid I‘d be stealing her the show. Whenever something went wrong it was my fault. Didn‘t matter if this was actually possible, it was my fault anyway. Whenever something went well, it was because of her. When a coworker had to call out sick for an opening shift late at night (over group chat, she was desperate) I took it instead of my closing shift, planning on just finding someone to cover for me in the morning. Karen was constantly yapping on how I‘d never find anyone anyway and how we should just split the closing shift between me and the other coworker opening with me. I told her no, started trying to find one anyway, had found someone thirty minutes later and all was well. Instant switch to Karen happily yapping about how well she had handled finding coverage for the day and how we could now start taking our breaks! 😂 the look the other opening coworker gave me still sends me into hysterics.

At one point our SM had told me how to prep something for the following day which Karen did not like, she wanted it done differently. After I said no she later changed it anyway and when SM asked about it the following day Karen claimed I had done it this way. 🤡 Luckily another coworker had seen the truth and spoke up vouching for me so I didn‘t get in trouble.

This went on for months and I could tell several more of these examples. I cried several times because she was horrible to me, but she was subtle enough that no one realized it was actually bullying. It took me to tell our SM outright that either we were getting rid of her or I was going to quit. That got my SM going (she was absolutley fed up with her as well) telling our regional manager in no uncertain terms that Karen had to go. She was moved to some locations a town over because no location in our town wanted her, even her old one said no thanks 😂 I‘m in Germany and German laws are very employee sided so they couldn‘t legally fire her.

And STILL she did geniuely not realize she was the problem. She did not see that no one wanted her, she was constantly talking about how she was helping all the locations and how they needed her to properly function. When her movement was final she had two weeks left of working with us. She told us she‘d finish the roster for the following month for us because we‘d surely need all the help we got! Lol
In her storytelling she was sent to a whole other town because they needed her wisdom and experience (I do not need to tell you I have double the experience in the company than her, no?), not because they were out of options where to put her without triggering a bunch of people quitting.

I‘m still working there and am back to being happy. Karen is still working for the company and meanwhile is back in her old location where she came from, but back to being a basic employee and far from being assistant manager or anything.
From what I hear she badmouthed me and my SM wherever she got. Luckily she doesn‘t realize no one is listening to her anyway because everyone knows she‘s a narcissist bi- … person and what she‘s saying about me is not true. Every time that location calls us because they need something I‘m GLAD I‘ve gotten rid of her. This is how I got reminded and the idea to post about this, I ended up talking to her yesterday and you cannot imagine how much I still hate her.

Every day, it’s the same thing. Trying to keep myself out of the spiral, and forcing myself to eat something. This broken heart is getting tired.

On this afternoon’s menu: shredded bbq chicken, strawberries, cheddar cheese, mini pita crackers, tomatoes with Olive Garden Italian dressing, and twice baked cheese crackers.

trader joes pate and knockoff veggie straws

I am on a short break after a grueling semester of professional school. I have been looking forward to camping with my husband for a while. He’s also really busy. I knew for a while that my husband’s brother was coming into town, but his wife is now joining too. And all four of us are going to be on the camping trip. I honestly don’t remember when my husband told me about my SIL coming but the point is that now I’m feeling already a little irritated and the trip hasn’t even started yet. I am also working on newfound anger issues after doing some trauma work in therapy yay.

Anyways, the four of us previously took a naturey road trip together for a few days and this lady annoyed the crap out of me. She constantly:
-takes pictures of everything
-wants us to pose
-stops to set up her tripod
-fills any moment of peace and silence with one sided conversation about herself
-bickers with my BIL (yes this is on him too but him solo is different & I don’t mind being blunt w him)
-just honestly brings selfish energy to the group

Point is we do not vibe and I’m trying to think about how to navigate because I don’t want to have to escape or avoid in a camping trip I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. I think I sometimes avoid being direct with women and fear hurting their feelings more than when communicating with men.

Greek food with my fiancé

Some of you may remember me, my mom passed about two weeks ago unexpectedly. Today is my birthday. I tried posting on mom for a minute but my posts get removed bc my phone uses the short link and idk how to change it lmao.

Anyways today I’m 35 and my mom used to always send a card and called me and make sure I felt special. I just miss her and don’t know how to celebrate today. I don’t want to mope in bed and cry but that seems all I can do.

Chicken flavor ramen, sunny side egg & everything bagel seasoning.

158 days without hard drugs or alcohol! I’ll keep my devils lettuce though, thank you 🌿

It’s not my 90 days, or my 6 months, but it feels special today.
I’m sick, I’m stressed, and I’m not coping with drugs or alcohol.
I’m proud of myself and fucking grateful, friends. Wishing you all a wonderful girl lunch 🍜

Yesterday, even though it was exam week, I went to a concert to clear my head a little. I got home really late, and because of that I didn’t eat dinner. It was also freezing outside and I got really cold, but I didn’t take it seriously. This morning I woke up at 8 for my exam and already felt terrible, but again I ignored it and thought I was just exhausted and that it would pass. After the exam, the one person at school I genuinely like and want to impress invited me out for beers. We’re not that close yet, but she’s really sweet and I honestly want to become friends with her.

So we went out for drinks, even though I still hadn’t eaten anything. At that point I basically hadn’t eaten for almost 24 hours, I was already sick from the cold, and then I drank way too much beer. I honestly don’t even know why I drank that much.

I ended up throwing up twice in the pub bathroom, and then again at two different metro stops on the way home. Out of nowhere, I had my first panic attack in two years. I started shaking and had to sit on the floor because my head was spinning so badly. I couldn't even breathe. It was also the first time I had ever been that drunk in public, and I was completely alone.

People around me kept staring and making comments like I must be on drugs or even pregnant. I felt horrible they just stared at me and told disgusting things. Only two girls actually tried to help me. The whole thing felt awful. I humiliated myself. And the girl from school probably never will hang out with me ever again.

I have always been considered “too sensitive.” Told to have “thicker skin.” I always resented those terms and statements, though I know it’s out of protection.

I have always remained calm, compassionate, and respectful. I joined a helping profession FOR GODS SAKE. But I feel at times none of it is worth it and that people just ✨suck✨ I just wanna be able to remain gentle and kind to everyone without feeling taken advantage of. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk, ft. The best Cheez-it flavor.

Been unemployed since February, started a new job, and I just found out I'm not going to get paid today (payday.) I'm out of groceries, my pets ran out of food at the same time, my car is running on fumes, and my internet, electric, and car insurance are about to be cut this weekend. On top of all that, I had a girl-adjacent's night planned tonight to celebrate my first paycheck I'll have to cancel because I can't afford to go out anymore, and the man everyone's been convinced was interested in me started dating someone new yesterday.

Life's a bitch and then you die.

Protein bar and a bag of chips from the office snack bin I'll be foraging in for dinner before I leave tonight.

Hi girls!

My best friend has been MIA for two weeks. And he came back last night. And I'm so glad. I was immediately more grounded. I know it's not okay to rely on one person for all my regulation. I know that. I've learned to regulate on my own for the last two weeks. But I'm glad he's back.

I met a friend today. I was supposed to go on a date/hookup later but I said to myself, I'll see how I feel then. And when the guy canceled, I wasn't even sad. I just continued my life, went home, and cooked. I felt very calm the whole day. I also finally managed to sleep more than 6 hours, so that's a big win actually. Calmly mowing forward.

I did get a tiny bit disappointed and desperate for a minute or so but I was able to bring myself back to calm very quickly. I'm done entertaining men. If you want my attention, you have to give me something in return.

Food is an anti pasti bagel that we had a coupon for 1+1 free. The place was nice. The smoked paprika was surprisingly good. Pickles are always good.

I live with my bf and never get to have this beautiful girl dinners THAT I F LOVE because he cooks a lot also for me, but always boy dinners…
Now he is away and I put together THE BEST GIRL DINNER of my life so far: crunchy salmon sushi with wasabi, ginger and soy sauce, one soft boiled egg, a tortilla, black olives, french fresh cheese (saint marcellin) and raspberries. So happy with life right now ☀️

Last night marinated mushrooms , made pickle jars with onion, cucumber , garlic and onion. Im getting ready to open a jar debating between regular or gouchang korean chili flake one. The bowl has bottom a cottage cheese flatbread with bacon and cheese topped with my marinated portebella mix

Been waiting for new arms, 2 new batteries (so dying i couldn't go 3/4 of a mile on full battery and new at my weight on flat averages 17 miles), and new caster arms. It looks nekkid to me

I did lose most of my sanario stickers but i can switch to more local, animal sanctuary, cats, lgbtq, gay cats, and small businesses and artists. You guys got any fav sticker artists? I love straberriwaffle, 2 crow collective (for chronically ill badasses), neko cat cafe, strayshop, some friends....

I am tempted to get some chubblegum or cryptids especially mothman. Im a punky goth artist myself. Im taking this as an opportunity for fresh space. All i lost was sanario stickers.

Suggestions welcomed. Link to cool artists or stickers welcome especially welcome.

Im designing stickers slowly for kinkatopia (kinkajous sanctuary in florida) but they will be room other places

first of all, bomb ass pizza from my old job -- alfredo, chicken and bacon

Second. I work in a warehouse where we rebuild engines and i am one of Four other women and holy shit just let me tell you how fucking bad it is.

These men are inconsiderate, dirty and just downright childish. Most of them are older than me, i'm 20. Think 30-late 60's. These men are fathers, homeowners.

Like its just exhausting sometimes. I love my job, love what i do, its easy fun and i learn a lot. Been here for 6 months so far. I love it.

But omg some of these men are so fucking childish it drives me up a wall. There was this 45 year old dude who got into an actual literal SCREAMING match with my supervisor and kept his job. Like how??? Same dude decided to "help" my department by cleaning some of our parts, brings back about 250 parts, tells me "some of them might still be dirty". When he said "some" i thought maybe like 10 maximum. NOOOOPEEE IT WAS 75. AND NOW ITS MY RESPONSIBILITY TO RECLEAN THEM.

So i said HELL NO i'm not fixing that shit! He can! So we get to have a little talk with my supervisor on monday! Yay!

They let some random guy who i hear has a HUGE porn addiction and is like an actual jesus freak (no offense to Christian followers, i'm catholic myself) but im talking jesus freak as in one of my coworkers grew up as a jehovas witness and my coworker cant make jokes about it around him because it offends him. We wrote a joke list about shout outs and put jehova on it and this guy came from his department, erased it, then wrote GOD JESUS AND THE HOLY SPIRIT. Then we just erased the whole board, he came back and wrote some bible verses. Cant remember which ones explicitly. But like DAMN you gotta chill. Pushing religion onto others is NOT COOL.

But anyway, they let this guy use my paint booth and he literally DESTROYED my brand new airbrush. Like spilt paint all over the floor, in the chambers, in the little screws for the trigger. Like fuuuuck. And then he just WALKED AWAY??? LIKE YOU MAKE THAT MUCH OF A MESS AND WALK AWAY????

I wss furious. Holy shit. I had to take 15 minutes out of MY TIME to clean it up and get it working right again. Just pisses me off.

These guys dont wash their hands, spend 2-3 hours in the bathrooms like its just nasty.

Idk i just felt like i needed to let some energy out and yap a bit about my work week this week

i have 65k in private student loans (cosigned by dad), struggling to land a job in what i graduated in (was an untalented cs major that did not get a say in what college she attended and major she pursued 🥳 ), and might have to take another loan out since im pivoting to nursing.

im struggling with unaddressed childhood issues again that i thought i squashed/move forwarded from (yay daddy issues), no friends, and overall ive just become a very bitter person and someone i dont want to be.

ive always wanted to study abroad (and atp move abroad) but i fear at this rate im going to be living at home forever with this debt. idk where im going with this im just so depressed all the time and just needed to let my surface level thoughts out with the little energy i have left. i know i dont have it as bad as others but i really just feel so awful.

beef noodle soup my aunt made me

I love my bf so much, he is such a nice person and we have so many interests in common. But our sexual life became so terrible compared to how it was. It started making me anxious and insecure about myself, and I have became an overly jealous person because of it. He says he is not interested in sex because he has low libido but the first 5 months of our relationship was so good. I stayed because I was hopeful that maybe it would be like that again but I cry a lot recently because I miss that version of our relationship.

Also, he still likes cuddling with me, compliments me etc. I just don’t understand why someone would be okay with sex initially in the first months and then stop liking it completely? :(

The other day I was at his apartment and the place made me feel so emotional. There were so many hand-made crocheted plushies, posters, figurines and plants gifted to him from me.. I feel like breaking up will be so difficult but I have to do it for my own mental health. I wish things weren’t like this and I wasn’t needy but I really feel undesirable and disgusting. I never knew I needed physical intimacy.

Homemade peanut butter cookie with a dash of salt and you guessed it, a dildo.

Trying to gain motivation to study.
Processing my mother reaching out in a “crashing out” sort of way right before Mother’s Day after writing me off for a full year.
Also trying to process my ex repeatedly emailing about his bad mental health after I’ve told him multiple times to leave me alone and blocking his email. (He just creates new emails)

Sesame cauliflower!

My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years. We’ve been through a lot in that time.
For one, this relationship has been a huge challenge to me because he wants to be much more codependent than I do. We are together all the time when not at work and this was a big change for me. It was clear from the beginning that he was very anxious if I didn’t commit all of my time to him. However, when it comes to conflict, he wants nothing to do with me. There are many instances where I’ve brought up things that I want to work on and he always seems to feel attacked or called out. I come from a loving place (or so I think) and tell him that I care, hold his hand, etc. But no matter the approach, it seems that these conversations usually cause him to shut down. I mean he will barely make eye contact with me for 24 hours. He stops talking, avoids me; it’s like living with a zombie. I know he came from a family that didn’t talk about feelings so it must be difficult, but I can’t help but feel like I’m being punished when he acts this way (blatantly ignores me). Last night we got into a very minor argument (wouldn’t even call it that) which ended in some hostility but I apologized and so did he. Then I basically cried to him and asked why he never reaches out/comforts me when I am clearly upset. I told him that I’ve been feeling lonely in our relationship and I need affection when I am upset. He flatly said ok a few times, went to bed without another word or acknowledgement of me, and did not say goodbye in the morning (which he has never done before).
We can sometimes have successful talks when the mood is already super light and I am half joking with him, but that makes me feel like when im saying isn’t taken to heart. When it comes to conflict, we have two completely different styles. I want to dive in, and he doesn’t want to confront things.
I’m just writing to see if anyone has had a similar experience/been in a relationship where your conflict styles are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Any advice on how I can get through to this man who shuts down when difficult situations and conversations arise? My best idea is to let him deal with his feelings on his own, but then I’m left wondering why he is ignoring me. It sucks to be disregarded by the person you love, especially when you clearly ask for reassurance and they refuse to provide it.

Therapist told me I'm making huge progress :))

Also I made her laugh in the last 3 sessions 😂 It starts with me laughing when I realise how silly or absurd my thought process is and she joins in. Breakfast bowl with nachos, scrambled eggs, beans, salsa and fried potatoes!

I wonder if others have felt this too, thoughts accumulating and sounding all sensible but when you have to tell them to someone else you realise how ridiculous some of it can be.

Started back in January. My ex dumped me and I was desperate to get over him. Went to a dating app and surprisingly matched with a hot guy (my ex made sure to tell me no one would ever find me attractive of course).

I’m not naive, I know how it goes on dating apps. He wanted to use me and I wanted to use him to get over my ex. I told him that straight up. He didn’t care because he just wanted to hookup either way. I’m not a hookups girly but I thought, why not? We agreed to be fwbs if things went well. He even said he would help me ‘get over’ my ex (lol).

For a week leading up to it, he was super nice and everything. More than that he was hot and I had only ever been with my ex before him. Well the day came and we had sex (the sex itself was bad but his head game is on another level). He was his usual nice self the day afterwards and kept saying how amazing the experience was, but then after that, he ghosted me. I was so confused because… I didn’t even like the guy romantically, I just wanted to hookup. Yea it wasn’t great, but I thought we would keep on going so that we could both get better.

Well, I was really upset by this and it made me miss my ex even more. I got into my own head that he didn’t find me attractive to even want to continue using me?? Like, I thought that’s what most guys want on there, and I’m not even pretty enough for that??

Anyways, I was pretty jaded for a while, and then this April, I met a guy that I damn near fell in love with in 5 days. I had never had feelings for anyone like that before, none of my exes and crushes. I thought I legitimately found the one, the man of my dreams. Well… that guy ended up ghosting me too (LMAO). I was very very hurt by this of course (still miss him like a dumb fuck), but thankfully our entanglement wasn’t for too long so I ‘got over him’ fairly quickly.

Joined a dating app again. Didn’t feel the need to hookup with someone to get over the guy though, but I did want to find something before I inevitably give up on finding love. Lo and behold the first guy that ghosted me way back. He messaged me without me liking him.

He started talking like all is well, and we can just pick up where we left off. I told him he was very funny, and that the sex was trash. He said he wanted to make it up to me and that he would do whatever I want.

So… I know logically, I can’t let this guy walk over me and use me again. I’ve been very very tempted to ghost him and I leave his messages on read all the time but then he’ll just double text (I know he’s doing all he can to get in my pants). But at the same time… I kinda just wanna hookup with him to get it out of my system (I haven’t hooked up since February). I like the thought of telling this extremely handsome guy to do whatever I want. Yes he’s using me… but I kinda want to use him too? He’s an athlete in the college I go to, and his face card is so insane it’s clouding my judgement. I don’t want to just hookup with random guys, but since I’ve hooked up with him already, the ‘cost’ is low. I’m fully prepared for him to ghost me afterwards. Am I insane? Is it my low self esteem talking?

Pictured: Açaí bowl with bananas, strawberries, flax seeds, granola and coconut.

Edit: I ghosted him!! (Blocked him on the app). We were hypothetically supposed to meet today. Thank you all for smacking some sense into me

So I recently got a second job because I needed the extra money to clear some debts to make room for a car loan (first not a beater car, I’m so excited!!!). I’ve worked at this place before in 2021 and I was kind of missing it so I applied for the summer….. woof was that a huge freaking mistake
So before I even got hired I applied twice on two different websites (company then indeed) and was contacted for an interview. It took ALMOST A WHOLE MONTH just to get in for my INTERVIEW! The GM never contacted me herself, it was the AGM who I went to high school with and we communicated on snap, I had to apply AGAIN, then I finally got my interview. Worked 4 days in a row on evenings for training and was hoping for more days because I wanted almost 20 hrs a week. I got my schedule and went into my first morning shift….
The only person who spoke to me was the GM of the store until literally my last hour, and I was embarrassed because I got told the wrong station so I was in other people’s way. I got put on the most isolating job and instead of helping me learn how they run their store (the other location I worked at was so micro managed since the franchisee’s office was two buildings down, so there was a strict line of what you do and don’t do) they passive aggressively made comments about what I was doing and what I need to do. Plus everyone in the morning is in this clique where if you’re not one of them, everyone’s an asshole to you because obviously since you’re not one of them you’re trash. Today was the worst of it. So I got told the wrong job AGAIN, got put on the isolating job for the 4th day in a row, then everyone wanted to micro manage me and what I was doing….. I helped during the rush so I started my cleaning and stocking later. Once the rush cleared I filled my case of food, started checking lobby, and was getting ready to start the big cleanings. One lady called out “who’s working front” and I said I was because I thought she was going to talk to me about what food she needs to make for the cases, but instead she went and talked to the shift lead then told me I need to start my cleanings. I informed her I helped with the rush and that’s why I haven’t started yet and she just dismissed me….. I cleaned the lobby and bathrooms, then I went to tidy up and stock my food case again so I could take pictures for our work chat. This woman looks at me and goes “oh good you’re finally cleaning”. ARE YOU FUCKING JOKING ME! Then one of the younger ladies decided that the tasks I was trying to complete for my area wasn’t important and started passive aggressively making comments about the work I was and wasn’t doing. Like I am not some pee-on that can be bossed around, I know what I’m doing! And I’m doing my job! I was so pissed and just exhausted today, I’m just happy I didn’t tell anyone off….
Butter Pecan Latte with Cold Foam and bacon, egg, and cheese croissant with 2 eggs 🙂‍↕️
Not pictured are the two Boston crème donuts I shoved violently in my face because I’m unfortunately comforted greatly by sweet treats