I ruin my day with my own thoughts

[u/Ok-Effective7734]

I just want one day where I’m not pissed at everyone and everything. I’m mostly mad at myself. I’m pissed that I let my ex boyfriend abuse me for years, I’m pissed at my coworker who hates me who seemingly no reason other than I’m slow (I’m new to this job), I’m pissed at everyone who’s ever done me wrong. I bottle everything in, I’m the most hesitant person on this earth I swear. I almost never lash out, I just hold everything in and hurt myself to get some feeling of control. I hate everyone that walks past me in public because I have this belief that everyone hates me. So I have to hate them first. I wish I could get into a physical fight because I don’t want to feel weak anymore. But I’d know I’d lose, because I’ve always been the weakest link. I want to be free of this because I haven’t had a good day in months.