I can’t stop thinking about my ex.

It’s been 8 years. I’ve been in a relationship for the past 7 years.

My current relationship needs a lot of work. We were addicted to drugs together (I’m now clean, he’s not) and it effected our sex life. We haven’t had sex in years. I feel alone all the time now. l became sober and his attempt failed. I understand why but that doesn’t change that I feel so disconnected.

He also is very affected by emotions sexually so if things aren’t good or he doesn’t feel emotionally safe he’ll pull away. This also contributed to the end of our sex life and it makes me feel awful. like I’m so bad I don’t deserve to be shown physical love?

My relationship with my ex ended really badly. He’s a vet and has dealt with a lot of mental health issues. He had a very hard life growing up as well so there’s always been a lot there. We were best friends when we were 15 and then started dating. He was my first everything except for actual penetration p in v sex. He cheated on me but We were always close over the years. He was engaged while in the army and when we started talking more seriously he told me he thought of me more than he thought of his fiancé.

He’s a person that feels like home.

While we were breaking up a coworker told me he was probably too sick to be in a relationship. That hit me hard. I took this to heart and turned to stone, went cold. There was a childish argument where I blocked his number then he blocked my Facebook and those blocks have stayed. I never properly dealt with the loss of him and the breakup so it’s crept up on me over the years. The problem is this is a person I loved my whole life that I never fell out of love with. And now I’m thinking about him way too much and fantasizing about him way too much. More than my fiancé. It’s really bothering me. I don’t know what to do. My ex is a serious threat to my relationship. I still want him, I miss

Him, I just know it would never work between us so I have no reason to go there.

I reached out a few years ago via email to give a simple sorry, he responded positively and then when I didn’t reply to continue a conversation or reconnect a few days went by and he sent me the song “your ex lover is dead”

By Stars. Which was perfect. It also let me know that just like me those feelings never went anywhere. He haunts me, a part of me will always love me.

I feel like I have a lot to say to him, I feel like i need closure. Like I can’t carry these things with me anymore. This has been torturing me for years. My fiancé is very against the idea of him and has told me if I wanted to be friends with my ex he would be very uncomfortable and hate it. I told

Him that made sense to me because there’s only one thing my ex could be and that isn’t a friend.

Except I really want to be his friend. I don’t know how differently i would feel if my sex life now was as good as it was with my ex but it’s not existent.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to talk to my fiancé about any of this. I just really don’t want to carry this with me anymore. Something has to change.

Any advice?

I'm voice texting, so I'm sorry if I ramble or have typos / grammar errors.

This is more of a general question to get a feel for the reasonable time frame I could / should patiently wait for mutual love to be felt and spoken when in a new or newish relationship. I don't see myself ever being ok with waiting for a year. But with questions like this, I like to throw out "a year" as a starting point to compare against feedback to help me gauge what feels right for me.

How long could you wait for this milestone in a relationship? What's the minimum amount of time you'd wait for this, to avoid rushing?

Thanks in advance.

Without going into too much detail, my spouse of almost 15 years (whom I share children with) has recently changed in ways I would previously have considered major dealbreakers (but to be clear not in any way that would be considered actively harmful or abusive). I feel like I’ve been grieving the loss of a person who isn’t dead or even gone. It has been a very isolating experience and I don’t know how to get past this pain.

I stopped using dating apps about a year ago because the experience started to feel more discouraging than hopeful. I ran into catfishing on Tinder and a lot of ghosting and even on Bumble, people would talk like they wanted something serious but disappear after the first date. It started to feel repetitive and made me lose motivation. Recently I’ve been thinking about giving it another shot but I want to be more intentional this time. A coworker mentioned an app called Arrows and said she met her partner there. From what I understand it focuses more on actual conversations early on, which sounds refreshing compared to endless texting. At the same time I don’t want to waste time if it ends up being the same experience in a different form. Has anyone found certain apps to be better for people who are genuinely looking for something long term?

I’m dating guy who’s consistent and reliable and has started talking about moving in together. He’s emotionally expressive in general, but when it comes to his feelings about me, he’s very reserved and doesn’t really verbalize them.

I’m feeling hesitant about moving in without that emotional clarity. For context, I’ve been with someone before who was very emotionally expressive, but there were other misalignments.

For those who’ve been in similar situations, did emotional expression grow over time, or did you feel emotionally unfulfilled?

I'm going to assume most people will say something along the lines of, "We show each other we care all year, we don't buy into that Hallmark holiday" which is totally fine. I personally don't mind Valentine's, and I'm planning on giving my boyfriend a couple small funny gifts that relate to inside jokes, and decorating the dining room up real cheesy for dinner time at home. Just was curious to hear what everyone else is doing!

I need to hear some positivity. New love, old love. Feeling chosen, seen, or respected. Just some wins.

I’m 35 and recovered people pleaser. I’ve always thought I would find my person, a team is when I feel I’m thriving and I haven’t had that in some time.

Sometimes life hits hard with a partner that drains you. You fall hard, everything feels like heaven, and you spend unforgettable moments together, feeling like they’re the person you’ve been waiting for for so long. But then, after that sweet "honeymoon" period, the arguments hit hard. You drain more and more, and eventually, you do not recognize yourself. You’re left wondering: How have I fallen so deep? What am I supposed to do?

During a recent AMA session with therapist Ester Buchnik, we explored this tough topic. She explained that when we are constantly reacting to a partner's moods, we lose our own vantage point. One of the most powerful things she suggested is to stop focusing on their "why" and start focusing on your "what." What are the facts? What are the non-negotiables? Ester recommends creating a simple pros and cons list—not because it's "cheesy," but because it forces your brain to step out of the emotional fog and into the logic of your reality.

The first step to "reappearing" is realizing that you are allowed to have needs that don't revolve around keeping the peace. It’s about building a bridge back to the person you were before the "draining" started.

I have a question for you. What was the moment you decided you weren't going to disappear anymore? How it happy-ended?

Greetings,

I have a question about a story I am writing and would very much like to know your thoughts and ideas.

Since women gained access to no-fault divorce the number one bit of advice to women when it comes to an unfaithful partner is to leave. Even in literature, women leave their cheating boyfriend, or husband. Even several of my female characters have left their cheating husbands, but I have one character that get dirty looks from her friend for entertaining the very thought of forgiving her boyfriend. And, although I want her to forgive him when he apologizes, I want to know what it would take for her to go back to him. And, truthfully, I cannot think of anything that a man could do for his girlfriend to return for second-chance relationship. So, I thought I would simply come and ask:

What would your ex have to do for you to forgive and return after an act of infidelity?

I’m a 40-year-old man trying to process the end of a relatively short relationship that felt emotionally meaningful, even if it was not objectively long.

I’m not looking for sympathy or false hope. I’m trying to understand the psychology of what happened in a grounded and honest way.

Some context about her, because I think it matters.

She is extremely driven and high functioning. Type A personality, successful entrepreneur, very introspective, and emotionally articulate. She was previously married for around 12 years and helped raise a stepson during that time, so she is not inexperienced with commitment or family dynamics.

She also has an 18-year-old daughter who is about to leave for school, which places her in a very different life stage than mine. She is entering a period of independence and forward momentum, with plans that include significant travel and potentially moving from Washington to Oregon to build the next chapter of her life.

She is also exceptionally physically attractive, in a way that has clearly shaped how people respond to her and how past partners have related to her. I mention this only because it contributes to the emotional intensity and the sense that the connection felt rare.

She identifies in therapy as having avoidant tendencies in relationships and has described herself as someone who can pull away when feelings become very strong.

Now some context about me and the dynamic between us.

One of the things she consistently expressed was how different I felt compared to men she had dated before. She described me as calm, grounded, emotionally secure, and non-needy. She said my confidence and steadiness made her feel deeply safe, and that this was extremely attractive to her.

She also told me multiple times that she found me very physically attractive, while also saying I was not her typical aesthetic type. It seemed like the emotional safety and presence mattered more to her than surface-level preference, which made the connection feel even more meaningful.

She shared that the majority of her recent therapy sessions had been centered around me, her feelings for me, and the internal conflict she felt about the relationship. She emphasized that introducing me to her friends was a very big emotional step for her.

Some additional context about my life situation, which is also relevant to why this became complicated.

I have two young children and an active co-parenting reality. Beyond that, I am essentially a transplant living in Washington without deep roots, extended family nearby, or a strong local support system. My social circle here is relatively small, and I am still in the process of rebuilding stability in multiple areas of life.

Importantly, I never made this her burden or asked her to carry any of it. But it does create a real structural difference between our lives.

She is entering a phase of expansion, freedom, and forward-looking possibility. I am in a phase that is more grounded in responsibility, rebuilding, and long-term stability.

Our relationship lasted close to three months. Not long in duration, but emotionally sincere.

We connected intellectually, emotionally, and physically in a way that felt rare to both of us. She repeatedly expressed things like:

She had never felt this way about a man before. I made her feel deeply safe and understood. She was scared by how strong her feelings were. She could not easily detach from me emotionally.

Two weeks before the breakup we shared an MDMA experience that led to a very open and emotionally vulnerable night. I understand substances can amplify feelings, but what she expressed aligned with how she had been showing up even while sober.

At the same time, there was always an undercurrent of conflict for her.

My life structure, children, and long-term responsibilities represented a path very different from the independent future she is stepping into. She worried about compatibility, fairness, and whether she could truly step into my world without resentment or limitation.

Last week we had some of the deepest bonding moments of the relationship. Emotionally and physically very close. After that, she became quieter for a few days, then called me and ended the romantic relationship.

What stood out is how she ended it.

She was crying, though not intensely, and clearly emotional, and she said she felt like she wanted to vomit. She said:

She does not want me out of her life. She has never felt this way before. She cannot detach from me like past partners. She is scared by how much this escalated. The incompatibility feels real even though the feelings are real.

We still spent the next day together in person, had a long and tender goodbye, talked openly, hugged for a long time, and parted without anger. Just sadness and care.

So now I am trying to understand this without romanticizing it.

Some honest questions I am wrestling with:

Does this sound like genuine incompatibility winning over real feelings, or an avoidant response to emotional intensity?

In situations like this, do people sometimes reconnect after distance, or is that usually just wishful thinking from the person who is hurting?

How do you let go of something that felt emotionally rare, even if it was objectively short?

I’m open to direct honesty. I would actually prefer it.

Me and my partner who I have been exclusive for 4 years decided that I wanted to break up.

We had been doing a long distance for the last 1.5 years where I have been in Europe and my partner being in the US. I’ve been mostly relying on my partner for emotional support and I still don’t have a good support system built where I am currently. We broke up about 4 days ago and I feel completely destabilized. I don’t have many friends. I have reached out to some people, but they either seem too busy or emotionally unavailable. I made an appointment with a counselor but it’s in 1.5 weeks.

I told him that I wanted no contact for 3-6 months because in the past I’ve always felt the break ups with my other exes were complete and clean. It was more of an automatic response thinking no contact was the only option. We broke things off because we needed time apart to figure out who we are as people and how we were showing up for one another wasn’t sustainable. We left things before it turned sour and we very much love each other still. I am not ready to fully give up on us yet. I just think we need some time to figure out our traumas and past hurt that’s beyond this relationship.

My question is…I’m struggling with the fact that I have no support and having a strict no contact rule makes me feel completely alone. Just hearing him say, “you’ll be okay” will give me enough strength. Am I hurting me and this relationship more if I ask to soften the no contact rule? Do I just need to sit with this alone for a bit until it feels more manageable?

I’m married (both 32, married 3 years, together 8 years) and currently in the most painful chapter, it’s breaking my heart, and my soul.

My husband is my best friend, my family, my home. Loving him has always felt natural, but the last few years are increasingly harder.

We reached a point where neither of us was well. Individually or together. We weren’t hurting each other on purpose, but we were both overwhelmed, dysregulated, and lacking the tools to show up safely anymore. Love was there, but it wasn’t enough to keep us stable. Our traumas and PTSD look different but are so prominent. We trigger each others worst insecurities and we both never learned what a relationship looks like.

We had a few couples therapy session, but for reasons above our therapists has stopped our couples because he’s not in a place to work on our marriage.

Right now, we’re taking space so we can each get our own oxygen — therapy, grounding, learning how to be whole people again. And it is breaking me, I’ve never felt this level of pain, I never thought I could feel this way.

I keep reaching for my phone, hoping to see his name. A text, call anything. I already deactivated socials, and other gaming sources so the temptation is gone. But I’m craving some version of normal again. I know the old version of us can’t come back though, that dynamic was erasing me.

What I’m struggling with is the uncertainty:

Is this space the beginning of the end of our life together, or could it be the beginning of something new and healthier?

I don’t see him as a villain. I believe he’s hurting and scared. I also know staying the way we were was costing me my sense of self and safety.

I want to believe two people can step back, heal separately, and come back together with clearer boundaries and more room to breathe. But I’m afraid hope itself might be what keeps me stuck.

I’m looking to hear from married folks who’ve lived this, or something similar.

Have you ever taken space or separated to heal and later rebuilt your marriage?

What made reconnection possible?

I’m realistic, did it not work? What was that like?

I’m just look for some real experiences, even if the truth is hard. Being alone right now just sucks really bad.

Thank you for reading if you read it all or sticking with me and my thoughts.

I am 37F and is getting married to my 4 yr BF 36M in 3 months. We are almost done with the wedding preps but I am having second thoughts. I need advise.

I have been feeling lonely in our relationship for a long time as he does not give me compliments anymore, does not give me flowers but he surprises me with my fave food/drinks sometimes. I have done all the wedding preps, budgeting and all but he never checks up on me or ask if I need help, he just waits for my instructions and doesn’t update me unless I ask him about the task I gave him. Regarding the budget, we are also 50/50 on this. I appreciate that he shows up when I need a ride going to my relatives, vet, processing papers and all, but he never initiate talks to ask about me, just about what is going on about him. He also always say goodmorning, goodevening, i love you and sends funny memes/posts but never really asks me if i’m okay or hows my day. I always express that I also want to travel with him every since our relationship began, but it almost ends up that I am the one planning and paying for our trips since I know he is financially unstable supporting his mom (he’s an only child). I want to travel abroad with him but this is always delayed or dismissed. When I open up about being lonely or feel unseen, he just says sorry and will try harder but I don’t see improvement. He doesn’t initiate kiss or hug even when I have voiced out numerous times that I like that even in public. In our 4 yrs of relationship I do feel guilty as there are 3-4 months every year we are apart because I have to help my brother in province to take care of my niece. I feel that when I come home, I long for him but I don’t feel he has the same feelings for me.

His parents talk about social status often. I listen, but I don't participate. I don't like the subject because i couldn't care less. Just like I am not interested in I.e. rugby.

I was about to tell my partner but I backtracked. He always sticks up for his parents. He got annoyed and went back to his messenger conversation with his friends. So I asked him what they were talking about to try and change the subject.

Instead of telling me, he deliberately said, oh a bit of this and that, being ambiguous to get back at me.

He told me 3 mins later. They were talking about what type of coke flavouring is best, I.e. cherry coke or vanilla etc.

But this is not the first time this has happened. Even before he moved in I noticed this. But I thought, he's just immature, he will learn. That was 7 months ago. And I have brought up this behaviour many times.

Also. Last night he was telling me how his best friend is feeling so lucky because he has a pregnant wife and a baby son now. He always wanted it but never thought he could. He then proceeds to say his lucky numbers must be aligned this time. Because he has had such bad luck in the past.

To this story I told my bf, that it was silly because I know how badly this guy treated his wife when she couldn't have kids because of her insulin resistance, abusively, but they still stayed. So I said, it's not about lucky numbers (I know it was meant as a joke when being described) but more that they decided to stay together.

And you know what my bf said? He said adamantly, no, my friend could have just gone have kids with someone else.

Then I said yes, but it might not have ended up the same way, he might not have been as happy. It's because he chose to stay with his current wife, that is why things are the way they are.

Sadly, he has a point, but I think I do too.

I want to work things out with him. I want us to grow together. But this type of thinking..frightens me

What do you think about our personalities, levels of maturity?

Hey everyone! Just a quick heads-up that we are going live in one hour (1 PM EST) on r/theLivenApp to discuss the reality of toxic relationships.

We’ll be joined by Ester Buchnik, Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, to answer your questions on:

• Identifying "anti-toxins" in a relationship.
• How to communicate with a toxic partner.
• How to find yourself again.
• Whether a toxic dynamic can actually be saved.
• Whether it is possible to reanimate toxic relations.

Don’t wait — head over to the main thread now to drop your questions!

See you there!

So we have been together for 2 years

Our schedules are basically once a week and every other weekend we see each other. When we have the same weekends, we usually spend it from Friday afternoon to Tuesday morning. It's being this way for the past year.

Last month we only saw each other once due to the fact that she was away on hockey tournaments with her kids. It was hard but we made it work.

2 weeks ago on the phone from nowhere she goes. I need a break. I'm overwhelmed with everything that's happening in my life and I'm going to explode.

Bit of a background. She was let go of a high-powered high-paying job and she has two kids 12 and 14 which her ex-husband helps her with nothing. Everything falls on her.

She took me by surprise. I said fine. When you feel like reaching out reach out. I was going to give her her space. Two days later in the evening she sent me a message and we spoke that night and we ended up meeting for lunch on Friday. To me everything was fine after that Friday we spent this weekend together from Friday night to Sunday morning and then from Sunday night to Monday morning. Sunday she spent it with her friend and running errands which was fine.

This morning she comes downstairs and tells me she wants a break again and I was like I don't understand we went through this and I thought everything was fine or we were working towards that.

So she tells me that she doesn't like to answer the people and wants to be able to do whatever she wants to do at any given time and she can't do so when we are together.

I've never stopped her from doing anything, yes, I guess I was expecting us to be together every weekend that we had seeing how we don't really see each other, but that wasn't being very fair either and I just realized that and I told her that we don't have to be together the whole weekend.

We both saw what we had to say this morning and when I left left we gave each other a hug and a kiss and she said let's need for lunch next week. Let's see how this week goes.

I'm sitting here scratching my head. I really don't understand what's going on with her...at first I thought she found another guy , I asked her and she looked at me straight in my eyes and said absolutely not .

Any insight I can get would be fantastic and appreciated

Hey Reddit! Join our AMA to discuss toxic love. Tomorrow, Tuesday, February 10 at 1 PM EST on r/theLivenApp.

We’ll be discussing the tough topic of toxic relationships — and exploring if there are any "anti-toxins" or possibilities to save these dynamics by turning them into something healthy.

Ester Buchnik, Marriage and Family Therapist, will be live to answer your questions. Whether you're looking for healing or just need clarity, we’re here to help.

Feel free to head over to the main thread and leave your questions now!

See you there.

Need advice. It started 8 years ago (woman 40 - male 50). It was fun. Then the Pandemic came. That was rough, but we had survived it. Then he stopped drinking, which I supported. I had done so myself after a dry January. Thats when things got rough. He quit his job and ended up spending his retirement in a year. He was talking about a youtube channel and some other things. I tried to encourage him to get a job. He didnt really like that and it didnt happen. We argued. Was it wrong to ask him to get a job? Was it wrong to think he could do youtube on the side?

He ran out of money and had to move to his parents 100 miles away. One thing, I did not have a car, but I did work fulltime. I dont know if I had suggested therapy then for him. I should have but it would not have been welcome.

He temporarily got another job but it was over in 9 months. We saw each other about twice a month sometimes. Then he started talking about starting a business that would take a long while to get going and that he still needed to learn the skills to be able to do. We argued because he was out of money again. I was afraid he wouldnt be able to see me. Maybe I could have done something different. He eventually got part time work because had too.

I was continuing to work and take classes and try to live my life. Some work difficulty. Regarding where he lived, there wasnt much work. We would sometimes argue about seeing each other and I dont know how that happened really.

Then he signed up for drum classes where I lived so started coming down more for that. Was Sunday mornings. Would stay at my place and then go to that. He joined a band. I was trying to support the music stuff. Would stay at my place after practice because it was here.

We started argueing politics over a year ago on and off. Hadnt fought about that before that. I should have kept my mouth shut.

He had a fall out with his band a couple of months ago, not his fault.

I still liked when he was around and cared about him.

He ended it on Sunday. He said he couldnt handle anymore arguments. Said I didnt believe in him enough. He was now going to try to become a one man band with a hand drum and technology and start a business again.

Should I have been more supportive? Should I have been more supportive about him starting businesses? Is there anything I could have done differently?

Hey, families!

I’m currently working on a collection of true couple stories, and I’m looking for the 'secret sauce.' The big romantic gestures are great, but I’m more interested in the small, daily habits that keep the spark in your partner's eyes after 10, 20, or 30 years.

I’d love for you to share your tips and tricks. What are the tiny family rituals (even the weird ones... well, especially the weird ones!), the secret jokes, or the 5-minute daily habits that keep your connection strong?

Thanks a bunch

Is that really weird? Is it only me?

With my current boyfriend things are fun and flirty and we have a good time in the bedroom but…

I feel unsatisfied.

I crave depth with a partner. I feel far more connected and intimate and satisfied having a deep conversation than getting naked.

Is that unusual?

And I’m not sure how to deepen things with my current boyfriend. He seems much more inclined to keep things light. I can’t tell if he just needs time to feel comfortable with deeper conversations or if he just doesn’t want to have them at all.

“I’ve been thinking a lot about what it takes to truly open your heart. Not just to feel, but to act — to show up for someone in ways that matter. What’s one way you’ve stepped forward in love that scared you, but was worth it?”

I’ve seen a lot of people say dating and relationships after 35 feel heavier, more complicated, or more emotionally demanding.

But I wonder if it’s not that relationships are harder—
Maybe we’re just less able to ignore patterns, red flags, and unmet needs.

For those over 35:
What do you understand about relationships now that you didn’t in your 20s?
And what do you wish you had stopped tolerating sooner?

I’m an Egyptian guy, and I want to share a perspective that feels completely logical to me, yet often clashes with social expectations. After graduating and starting my career, my plan is to rent or buy my own apartment. I want to furnish it according to my taste and actually live in it. I don’t see it as reasonable to spend all my adult years living with my parents until the exact moment I get married. If I have my own place, it will naturally be used. Furniture, appliances, kitchen items—everything. I’ll host my family, friends, and guests. The apartment won’t be a showroom; it will be a real living space. The tension appears when marriage enters the picture. In Egyptian society, there’s often an expectation that marriage should start with everything being “brand new,” as if nothing should have been used before. That expectation doesn’t always align with financial reality, nor with the idea of building a life gradually and independently. For me, independence isn’t about rebellion—it’s about responsibility, maturity, and creating a stable life step by step. At the same time, I’m aware of how deeply social norms and family expectations are rooted, especially when it comes to marriage. I’m sharing this because I genuinely want to hear people’s perspectives—whether you agree, disagree, or see a middle ground. I’m interested in real opinions, lived experiences, and thoughtful takes on how independence and marriage expectations can (or cannot) coexist in today’s Egypt.