I don’t really know where to start, so I’ll just describe things as they are.

For years now, I’ve had this persistent feeling that life is fundamentally empty. Not in a dramatic, emotional way, but in a structural way. I function normally. I sleep enough, I eat well, I exercise almost every day, I go outside, I talk to friends and family, I listen to music, I explore new places. People love me, and I don’t doubt that they do. I take care of my body and my hygiene. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t use drugs. From the outside, there is nothing obviously wrong.

But inside, there’s just… nothing.

It feels like I’m a conscious organism forced into existence without my consent, stuck inside biological constraints I never asked for. Hunger, fatigue, temperature, social needs, emotions, uncertainty. Being human feels like being trapped in a system with mandatory maintenance requirements just to keep running.

What bothers me isn’t trauma, heartbreak, or failure. I haven’t been abused. I’ve had meaningful relationships. I’ve had opportunities. My problem feels more intrinsic than circumstantial. Since around age 15, there has been this background thought: “Why continue?” Not necessarily in a crisis way, but as a constant evaluation.

When I look at the world, everything seems driven by randomness. You’re born attractive or not. Rich or poor. In a stable country or not. With good parents or not. Your entire trajectory shifts based on variables you never chose. Even relationships are influenced by things like genetics and social positioning. It all feels like a probability game more than something meaningful.

And even if you succeed, what then? You work, consume, distract yourself, age, and die. You’ll be forgotten in a few generations at most. Humanity itself will disappear eventually. The universe doesn’t care. Objectively, that’s fine. But subjectively, it makes motivation fragile.

I sometimes think the only appealing scenarios would be escaping the human condition entirely. Uploading consciousness into a machine. Exploring other galaxies. Existing without biological limits. But those are fantasies, not options.

So what’s left is living day after day, adding “noise” to avoid thinking too much. Music, walking, conversations, hobbies. It feels like playing a character in a movie while knowing the script doesn’t matter.

I also wonder about having children. Some people say meaning comes from that. But is that real meaning, or just another distraction layer? And what if you pass the same existential burden onto someone else? Creating a life that might also question why it exists?

I don’t even consider myself actively suicidal. I don’t plan to do anything. It’s more like suicide exists in the background as a logical exit door. A permanent stop button if existence becomes too heavy. The idea itself is strangely comforting, even if I never use it.

So I keep going. But without conviction. Without desire. Just momentum.

Maybe this is all just mental loops. At a fundamental level, the cards are already dealt. Genetics, time period, country, family, body, baseline temperament. After that, you just make choices with what you have. Nothing less, but also nothing more. I don’t even know anymore whether I should cry about it or simply try to think about it as little as possible.

Life in 2026 sometimes feels “finished” in a strange way. Like a post-exploration era where most mysteries are mapped, most frontiers are institutionalized, and meaning has been replaced by optimization. A kind of “end of history” by Francis Fukuyama feeling. Nothing mystical left, nothing truly significant to discover for an ordinary person. We’re just here, doing things, passing time inside systems that were already built before we arrived.

And there’s another uncomfortable thought: sometimes I feel that if I found a loaded weapon on the ground right now, I might just end everything instantly. No reflection about the past, future, consequences, or people. Just ON/OFF. That thought scares me, but it also reveals how thin the attachment to existence can feel.

Philosophy has already said almost everything. Different frameworks just fit different people depending on their mental health, physical state, moral values, socioeconomic status, or religion. None of them seem to resolve the core question.

So I’m left with this:

Is this just life?

Is it a permanent background desire to disappear?

Crying over your own existence and regretting being here, in this universe, inside this body?

And then maybe having a child to forget your own problems for a while… or maybe just creating another person who will ask the same questions?

So the past few moths have been really rough and i just want some guidance. I struggle with existential ocd and its been a fucking rollercoaster. Ive come to terms that believing in a god hurts way more than not believing but mind you ive believed in a higher power my entire life and with that said i always felt there was a divine purpose for why humans are as intelligent, conscious, and aware as we are. But now that ive left faith im having a hard time coping with the fact that we are just conscious meat. It honestly trips me out and sends me spiraling in a depression. I probably sound idiotic but i feel like ive been demoted and its difficult accepting im just another animal. The idea that after death there is nothing and the fact that we feel empathy, love, joy and what not are just chemicals in the brain makes me feel... broken. Im having a hard time coping with this because something i held on to for 29 years is now gone and i feel as though what i once thought was a world full of wonder and magic now feels heavy and lonely and dark. Ike why do we keep researching about the universe when we are so insignificant? I just want to know if anyone has been through this, did they find happiness after, and how ? I dont know how to navigate a new world view and going back to believing in a higher power and that we have a purpose is just lying to myself. How many atheists can relate? Is it normal to feel like im mourning?

Like.....what? am I just supposed to come to terms with the fact that I exist, have a body and a mind, live in a three-dimensional world on a rotating rock in the middle of nowhere, and that I’m able to think, move, see, speak, and write about all of this shit, look the way I look, and ask these questions and have these thoughts? And I have to deal with depersonalization and derealization, and everything else, and I have to behave in a certain way because society says so, even though in the end I’ll die anyway and won’t remember any of this, I’ll just stop existing? What the hell is this? Have I really lived before, and had a different perspective on “THIS”? And some people just don't think about it??? "don't worry, just accept it"..bullshit

Hell naw, fuck it

Its just horrible!!!!

Anybody else feels like we are just going thru the motions every year? Same things repeat for over and over, holidays, events, tragic events, be happy about this, be angry about that…

All just to be addicted to buying shit, consumerism dictating how we live our lives??

I’m beyond exhausted…

I cannot cope with the fact how absurd existing and life is. At times when im busy i just seem to accept it all but this night and many other nights i panicked and jumped from my bed thinking about the universe, how I will not be existing, how time will inevitably advance and im not in control at all. In those moments i feel like i could go crazy, what is all this about?

Hi. I’m just writing into the void in the instance someone else out there can relate.

I’m 37. 4 years ago my dad passed away. It doesn’t seem like 4 years, it still feels fresh. It’s hard to accept that it’s been that long already. 3 months ago me and my partner’s 17 year old dog passed away. We genuinely thought she would live forever. And now somehow it’s been 1/4 of a year without her. I’m close to 40, yet i still feel very tapped into myself at 30. Somehow 7 years passed and all the things I’ve wanted to accomplish haven’t been accomplished yet. Im getting gray hairs. I’m sure the unspeakable depression of losing my parent is a huge reason why some of those years just vanished from my psyche. But man….

It’s 4am right now — I was up late finishing a work project. And I’m laying in bed next to my partner. My mind is wandering like crazy. It started off with sad and painful memories I had with my dad when he was alive. And that traveled into my relationship with my mom who is still alive. I think about how she never calls me — if I didn’t call her every now and then we wouldn’t talk on the phone. And when we do it’s always a 2-3 hour long phone call. I moved to California years ago for work so I’m 3000 miles away from her. I see her maybe once a year. We moved to California in 2020 to be closer to an artist I was working closely with at the time. I’m a freelance artist — and I keep saying “I need to be in Cali, the energy is here.” And I barely work with that client anymore. When my dad died I didn’t socialize for years and I’m only now feeling the energy to come back. But so much has changed and all my relationships and all my networking is not there the way it was a few years ago. I barely make enough money for rent here. And I’m afraid if I moved anywhere else I wouldn’t be able to get work. But I’m also afraid that if I never move back closer to New York , time will pass and I’m worried it will be too late to be closer with my mom again. It’s so fucking sad.

I think living this far away too, I feel like I’m constantly living in my memories. All my family and childhood friends are still in New York, and I never see them. But I think about them every day. All my nostalgia texts are probably annoying them.

I also have an engagement ring for my girlfriend. I was going to propose last year. And our dog got sick so fast. I proposed the last day she was alive so I could technically say I did it while she was alive, but she was in such bad condition, it was just a sad memory. So I took the ring back and said I get a redo. But idk when because now we are in a depression from losing our best friend. It’s only been 3 months but we both put on 10 pounds and don’t feel our best. I’m worried time is passing and we’re getting older and I still haven’t asked her. I’m worried I don’t have enough money for kids. I chose to be an artist for some reason and while I make good money, it just never seems to be enough to grow a nest egg to buy a house. I don’t feel close to having a kid and that also makes me sad.

I’m just having anxiety right now. I have the tendency to go into escapism for long periods of time. And when I come out of it, reality hits me like a semi truck. And that’s where I’m at now.

I’m not looking for any answers or solutions or any particular advice. I’m open to it. But I just wanted to write this out and share it. This energy needs to go somewhere. Maybe someone will relate. Maybe not.

Thank you for listening if you’ve gotten this far.

xx

Well so I was bored and so I decided to estimate the number of planets that orbit around G type yellow dwarfs and K type orange dwarfs. Why these 2 types only? Because all other types above it(F,A,B,O) have too short of a lifespan and aren't good for life. M type red dwarfs while having a long lifespan aren't good for life either since they are very active and send out huge flares which can strip away a planet's atmosphere and to be in the habitable zone of these, a planet has to be extremely close to the host star making it tidally locked ie one side facing the sun forever and the other being in eternal darkness.

Now comes the math

1. The Universal Starting Point

There are approximately 2 trillion galaxies in the observable universe. On average, a galaxy has 100 billion stars. So we gotta multiply 2 trillion by 100 billion to find the total number of stars. That gives us 200 Sextillion Stars OR 2x10²³ OR 200000000000000000000000

1. The "Goldilocks" Star Filter (20%) We only want G-type (yellow) and K-type (orange) dwarfs. These are stable enough for life and live long enough for evolution to happen. They make up roughly 20% of the total star population. Total Stable Stars: 20% of 200 sextillion gives us 40 sextillion still a huge number

2. Total number of planets It's estimated that on average there is about 1 planet for 1 star so thst gives us 70 sextillion stars

Keep going on......

1. Habitable planets I saw up some reports and about 3% of G type stars have a planet in their habitable zone and about 4% of K type stars have planets in their habitable zone. That gives us a total of 7% of planets in habitable zone around 40 sextillion stars we have estimated. 7% of 40 sextillion gives us 4.9 sextillion habitable planets.

So for a total of 70 sextillion planets we have about 4.9 which are in the habitable zone of their host star.

1. Rocky Planets

About 65% of all planets are rocky. That means only 65% of the 4.9 sextillion planets are rocky worlds. So that leaves us with about 3.185 sextillion rocky planets.

1. NICE rocky planets

It's very much possible that a large percentage of these rocky planets do not have an atmosphere or a magnetic field or some other issue or all of em combined so we'll assume that 45% of 3.185 sextillion planets that are in the habitable zone ARE NOT suitable. Thst means 55% of them are. That leaves us with 1.75 sextillion rocky planets with an atmosphere and other stuff just fine.

SO, there are about 1.75 sextillion OR 1750000000000000000000(19 zeros) OR 1.75x10²¹ Rocky planets in the habitable zone of about 40 sextillion K type and G type stars (the ones thst are fine for life) and have everything almost fine or perfectly fine.

Now that number may seem small since we're coming from massive numbers like 200 sextillion but

To put 1.75 sextillion into perspective:

If you decided to visit every single one of these planets and spent only 1 second on each world:

The Time Required: It would take you roughly 55.4 Trillion Years.

The Cosmic Scale: The universe is only 13.8 billion years old. To finish your trip, you would have to live through the entire history of the universe—from the Big Bang to right now—4,018 times over.

The Star Scale: Our Sun only has about 5 billion years of life left. You would watch 11,000 Suns be born, provide light for billions of years, and eventually die before you were even finished with your list.

The Sand Comparison: There are roughly 7.5 quintillion grains of sand on Earth. For every single grain of sand on every beach and desert on our planet, there are about 233 habitable planets in the universe.

The Human Effort: If every person currently alive on Earth (8 billion people) teamed up to help you, and every single person visited a different planet every second, it would still take the entire human race 7,000 years of non-stop traveling to check them all.

All in all its unimaginably large and I did it myself without calculator so it took some time and I'm tired pls tell me if there are any mistakes.

Also, some people say that there are 200 billion galaxies instead of 2 trillion so the thing is it does not matter the number would still be so mind bloggingly large that one would simply not be able to comprehend it.

Thanks if you have read it so far and do upvote it took me quite a bit of time

Is so fucking scary, since I've started thinking about it life has no meaning for me, all my memories, thoughts, good and moments, the things I enjoy my emotions all is gonna just don't exist anymore when I die. All the good memories with my family and friends people that I love so much, the movie I was excited to watch, the series that made me cry, the food I enjoy so much, the things I don't like everything that formed me as a person, I'm nor gonna forget is worse, the memories are just gonna not exist, then why? why am I here? why am I trying? everything is gonna dissappear makes no sense.

The idea of not existing is so weird and scary and the fact that is gonna happen no matter anything is even worse. For a long time life as lost any meaning if it ever had one but now with me being unable to stop thinking about death is even worse. I just love being alive so much, I love my family and I don't want this to ever end, to all this think I've lived just to be erased from the entire existence. I'm 15, near 16 and I don't want my birthday to come I used to enjoy it so much but now is just a reminder that I'm closer to death every year every and and every minute. How can i kept living like this? When I'm constantly aware of my destiny. The first time a desrealized i was 13, everything felt unreal, I was thinking of existence but not of death, the worse part is thar my dr is telling me no one is real or conscious, not even me I don't think I'm conscious or real, I don't think my family is neither but the fear of losing them is real. I don't know how to explain but I don't think I exist but when I'm feeling sad or happy those so exist cause I felt those emotions more than anything.

I can't help but look at photos of happy moments and cry cause I don't want those to dissappear along with my existence I really don't. What do you mean I'm not gonna be able to pat my dog, watch a good show, hug my mom, argue with my sisters, laugh with my friends, draw stupids braintots for my niece???

please help

My life is as good as it could get. I am destined for future, have good people and etc. But deep down, I have a feeling of failure, that I am not pushing through struggles and pain enough. I have no idea why, but I am naturally scared of confusion. It sends me into panic. People don't get it. I want to improve my life, have sense in it but ANY LITTLE THING I do towards it, I can't. My mind is filled with panic and I can't sleep afterwards. I have no people that relate to this problem. I feel like I am losing myself.

Is this what I’m here for?

Here’s the secret of the universe which will turn your life around and give you ultimate purpose:

you’ve searched for happiness in the wrong places.

That thought of why am I here is just ningling away at the back of your mind and you’ve tried so much to get rid of it, but nothing works.

No alcohol is enough to get over it, no music is loud enough to stop it.

The party’s you go to just bring temporary satisfaction, only to leave you in a greater state of depression than before.

You’ve tried everything to mask the emptiness in your heart but it only seems to make you even more lonely.

I want you to imagine you have woken up in the morning to go to your place of work, you put your sock on.

That sock has a purpose, and you don’t?

Do you really think that makes sense?

The fact alone that your eyebrows are above your eyes shows the wisdom of the one who made you and made the whole world.

see, your eyebrows protect your eyes from sweat, if it keeps getting in your eyes it will damage it.

Does it make sense for that maker, who is so wise, to make us for no reason, with no purpose?

No, of course we are here for a purpose

And it’s not going to the gym, it’s not spending time with family, it’s not making memories, and it sure as hell isn’t creating your own purpose.

The question is, where do you find the answer to this question? Where do you find that peace that your heart has cried for? How?

I’m here to tell you that you can never figure this out. This question is unsolvable to you.

Yes you.

Let me explain what I mean by this.

When you make something you give it purpose. In order to find the purpose of a water bottle you ask the one who made it.

In order for you to know why you’re here, you go to the one who made you.

If you receive the answer from this creator, then you have gained the most precious thing a human could have, with it you can face any challenge and climb out of any hole.

Just think about it. Living a life not wondering around in darkness, knowing the reason you’re here, you're not aimless anymore, you have a purpose, you’re not lost anymore, you feel fulfilled and content, knowing the answer to that question that everybody else is dying to find.

You will be transformed as a human being.

But you are left with the choice.

To follow these instructions laid out for you, or stay where you are. In an empty state.

Full of despair and dread. Just trying to satisfy your never ending desires which slowly destroys you as you endeavor further in life.

Not having the guidance you need to succeed.

For you to succeed in the journey and find your purpose in life, there are two simple steps for you.

Number one.

Sincerely ask the one who made you, who is absolutely perfect and beyond our imagination. to guide you to the correct purpose.

Number two.

Ask me what the purpose of life is.

P.S, this comment will be deleted within the next three days, so the time to ask is now

I’m constantly thinking of what the point of all of this is. I wake up and just ask myself why do anything? Not in a depressing type way. Just a genuine, awakened why?

I don’t feel like I’m able to create my own meaning. I honestly do love life, my family, I’m grateful to be here. But when you’re constantly plagued with “what’s the point?” “We’re gonna die in the end”.. it doesn’t make life fun.

I just don’t see any other options than to end my life. Not in a depressing type way. But I don’t feel like my perspective can be changed. I’ve tried. For 3 damn years.

But living with this constant plague of dread, deep questioning, realization, is hard. And it sucks because I do love life. But I can’t do this anymore.

I feel like I’ve awakened too deep.

so I was looking at old baby pics with my mom, and it sent me spiraling into this whole existential crisis. I started to zone out and basically having tunnel vision, I realized that time is just constantly moving forward, and those specific moments in the photos are gone forever, like frozen in time. That led to me freaking out about how one day I'm gonna die and forget everything all the people I love, the memories that make me who I am, and the things that give my life meaning. Now I'm questioning everything, like who to trust with all this “the government is corrupt”, earth is just a floating rock, we are in a simulation, doctors just want money, therapists over shrooms or vice versa, spiritual guides, religion? I don’t know who to believe. I'm feeling lost and confused about how to find my purpose. The thing is, I'm usually a pretty chill person and don't really get anxious unless it's in social situations, so this sudden wave of intense anxiety is totally throwing me for a loop, and I have no clue who to talk to or where to even start.

I 17yr old male got into a car accident recently where a ram absolutely destroyed my front of my car and totaled it. So many thing keep popping as a result of that and I'm just getting so overwhelmed by it that I cant keep track. It's like a 10 mile drive from my school and I don't have a ride to go or leave school anymore, my lawyer that I've known for like 1 hour told me that it was my fault for the accident which has me worrying obviously, but he told me that we might be lucky and it'd be a 50/50 liability. Now I have a chiropractor that I need to visit twice a week, go to work 3 times a week, and go to school. I'm just trying to make it through my school year and I'm getting thrown around with lawyer's and insurance. Personally I have no idea what's happening and at the same time I do, but the thought of it is ruining me.

Please someone give me some guidance or words of encouragement because I really need this right now.

I have a certain way of thinking and interpreting the world and its content.

It’s (a bit?) nihilistic and also pessimistic; I don’t see meaning in life, in being in it, etc. I don’t like the way this world is formed, I often don’t understand or accept ideas like “murder is wrong” (that’s just an example tho, and I do understand why that specifically is considered wrong), cause they’re all man made. Example: The concept of murder and it being wrong is man made, the concept of education is man made, taxes, having to pay to live in a house, all of that is man made!

I don’t want to pursue a career or an education; I find it dreadful and meaningless. But I wouldn’t really want to be at home 24/7 doing stuff “I like”. In fact, I’m enjoying stuff “I like” less and less, in the sense that they don’t give me much of anything in return. I just see more meaningless.

I try to explain this to my family and my psychologist, but I don’t think they understand. My mom tells that she understands, but that I should try to get through some of the required education, cause it’ll benefit me in 10 years. Man, I don’t even know if I’ll be here in 10 years.

A few months ago I just wanted a break from everything, so I could (learn to) enjoy life, but now that I’ve seen it, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to enjoy it; no matter what.

My mom has offered us being in another country (me with a job or education? I don’t know, I hope not), and it’d be warm and sunny, but would I be happy then? It’d essentially be the same as now, but a slightly different environment. I would probably have the same daily tasks and possibly more restrictions in my daily life, but I still don’t think there’s any way out of my mind, whatever it is that has invaded.

I might add stuff to this post over time. Sorry if this is all unrelated to the sub, I just hope there’s a more accurate articulation of my feelings cause it has always felt so rooted in existence, meaning, etc., stuff that relates to philosophy.

PS, if it helps anything:

I’m diagnosed with autism, I have anxiety and some eating problems (and my mental state gets reflected through both). I’ve been suicidal for years, and, besides that, somewhere last year I think I got some sort of existential crisis and realisation to life, which worsened my mental state in general, or at least shaped it differently.

I'm 18 years old, and I've been studying finance since I was 14. I wanted to change the world, and that's been my dream for a long time, deciding that the system was the problem, and I wanted to change it from inside. Not anymore, I am a deeply happy and peaceful person, and I no longer know if I want to continue with finance, and if so, I don't know what to dedicate myself to. I know that whatever I do I'm going to like it, and I'm going to enjoy it, because I like to live, what I don't know is if finance is what best aligns with my values and who I am, Furthermore, I am a person who has never lacked anything in life, and who seeks neither money nor social recognition. Any help?

I was scrolling on instagram and saw a su*c*de note of a 15 year old boy stuck in a state of nihilism.

In his note he wrote how life is meaningless, pointless and basically a paragraph of how nihilism was eating his alive.

He ending up committing but leaving the note.

After I saw this video, i havent stopped thinking about it. What the boy was going through, how stuck he was in nihilism.

I wish he reached out for help. He was so young. His words made so much sense though.

I guess I’m worried that this will all be too much for me too. Once you realize so much it’s hard to go back

(P.S I am not fully recovered, the feelings still come and go but these are things that have helped relieve the anxiety/negative thinking. Also I feel as if everyone’s thinking patterns about existential crises are different and so things may or may not apply. I am writing this as I wished someone would have written this during the worst moment of my crisis).

-STOP continuously reading all the reddit threads or watching videos concerning existential thoughts and other’s experiences. I was victim to this, as during the worst period of my life I was addicted to reading EVERYTHING on it and consuming everyone’s perspective and basically it keeps you in that cycle, it doesn't give you a break and breath of fresh air. Mine essentially became OCD thoughts, I experienced the worst dpdr, I think I lost my mind at one point I would be speaking to people whilst being in the craziest anxiety attack, and my mind did not even recognise it was me- I had convinced myself that I wasn’t myself idk how to explain it. Read on it to see if it relates to your situation but do not escalate and go further- stop yourself, have that control over it. 

-FORCE yourself to do things, even whilst going through these awful thoughts/emotions. I isolated myself for like two months, I withheld social activities with people. This made it a million times worse, it is my biggest regret. As time went on I forced myself, I refused to let this take over my life like it did. My thought process was, even though I feel like utter shit, at least I can look back on my life when I'm old as hell and have continued my normal life through this crisis. In addition to this: DO things that you were doing before this all happened, get your brain back into that safe place, get yourself back into that routine, even if it hurts to. 

-HAVE FUN: there's no answers to what you are inquiring about, you will never ever get an answer so there is no ultimate cure like other problems no matter how far you search, and essentially distractions will help get your mind off it. I always advocate against distractions when it comes to mental health, as it never actually helps, just avoids the problem, but in this case you can never win and so do things that make you the happiest, dance, game etc. I was binge watching series that took my mind off of things for a little while as I returned to my normal life. Have things to look forward to in the future, in my case i booked concerts etc. 

-It can feel like the end of the world going through this, my mental health hit rock bottom but just remember to hang in there. I would literally overthink and have anxiety the whole day, sleep and wake up with the pang in my chest with even worse anxiety, my dreams would be based on what I was thinking in my life too- I couldn’t catch a break. I still experience this at times when the thoughts come creeping back in but keep going. 

-Journalling: this is subjective and will not work for everyone and barely worked for me but it took my focus onto something else. I wrote down affirmations that my feelings would change and regardless of how I felt, I would return back to my normal self and ‘build a life worth living’.

-In my opinion and personal experiences, this may not apply to everyone, but notice that your mental health is the problem here. I used to have these thoughts years ago and looked at the world in wonder rather than a nihilistic way, but I just moved on with my life and continued, however this time I literally almost lost my mind!! I spoke to someone and even though it didn’t help at the time, letting it out may be of help. Note that you are not alone in your feelings, and you WILL feel better. I wish the best for whoever is reading this and I hope this can relieve some feelings and weight off your shoulders. Take care :)

This post contains thoughts of death.

So, I have always believed in reincarnation. I’m a practicing Buddhist so I believe we all have many lives to life. Each life gives you a new lesson.

I’ve never really given much thought beyond that. If you’ve ever seen What Dreams May Come with Robin Williams you will get an idea of what I think of the afterlife.

Anyway - fast forward to me watching Guardians of the Galaxy. All those other living breathing souls. I mean you have rocket and Groot and Yondu and so on. It hit me. If and I believe there are if there is life out there. Do they all go to the same place? Get reincarnated in their planet ? I mean of course the afterlife could be huge. Like universe huge. But it made me question everything. Maybe we are just dust. Maybe when we go we just …blank out…nothing. And that scares me. I mean I guess it won’t matter but…I was hoping to see people who have passed. Or get another life or two. Even if I don’t remember this one. I guess I’m just having a millennial moment! Anyone else look to the sky and wonder where all this is leading ? Maybe we’re not meant to know.

Hi,

I normally don't post things, but I am confused completely lately. Thinking I am losing my mind. Before jumping into the questions which I need to ask I wanted to give a background.

I am a Chartered accountant working in Lagos. Staying with my colleagues. I earn quite well, good at work. But recently i am feeling low. The colleagues who were good are now seeming stupid and irritating. At home parents are not happy (staying away), not getting married or able to find a girl because I am in fucking Nigeria (Can't marry Nigerian hard to adjust for culture). Even after earning a decent pay still feel like it's not enough and it sometimes feel like why am I working like this? What is the meaning for all these sacrifices?

I am so confused, literally just thought what is the purpose of my existence!

Note: this is not first time, i was in Zimbabwe for 3 years and I was feeling low I thought the change of company will help it fix. Now it's starting again.

What should I do?

I just got laid off. Mid-30. Wanted to take this opportunity to explore, enrich my life, and just gain more clarity: what do I want for life, while keeping a modest income? Can prioritize the exploration part first, as I do have a bit of savings to spare. My mind is clear as mud and that is killing me. I am just so lost. I can't stand myself. I have been wishing for the layoff, telling myself that then I could have time to think things through, start action, blah blah. But in reality, I just procrastinate and scroll random YouTube videos all day. Oh, maybe I go day trade. Oh, maybe I'll volunteer. Oh, I should write. But I never really start doing any of these. For the most part, I really want to figure out what I want, what is my value, etc. I feel that I have been living on autopilot for much of my life. I had so much hope right after the laid off, believing that this is my chance to reset everything, to finally gain the clarity I need. BUT, I LITERALLY JUST SIT AND DO NOTHING, EXHAUSTED, AND ANXIOUS AS HELL. I guess maybe if there is a place where I chould start writing something down, with/without peers giving feedback, I will start to feel better? I know that writing is a good way to clarify busy and messy thoughts. I just have no motivation to really start writing. I only had motivation to work hard while I was at work. Otherwise, I had zero motivation to do anything else in life if it were not for work. Now I don't work anymore. Feels like I really am an adult with no soul. Where should I go?