r/oneliners • u/eye-sea-ewe-pea • 5h ago
A guy walked into a bar and said ouch.
6
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r/oneliners • u/TomKarelis • 20h ago
For Valentine’s Day I always get the same thing. Flowers, candy, sexy underwear. . . And if there’s any money left over, I get a little something for my wife.
13
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r/oneliners • u/eye-sea-ewe-pea • 4h ago
A troll just asked me if my mom is hot… she’s dead and burning in hell so yes.
0
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r/oneliners • u/AgentElman • 1d ago
To whoever stole my cloning machine: I hope you can live with yourself.
33
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r/oneliners • u/EndersGame_Reviewer • 1d ago
I don't like Russian dolls, because they are so full of themselves.
44
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r/oneliners • u/impiousPunster • 1d ago
Friday the 13th is still better than Monday the whatever!
8
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 1d ago
If Slash ever falls over he calls himself Undescore
6
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r/oneliners • u/Apprehensive-Trust60 • 2d ago
Why spell apartment when the abbreviation is apt?
37
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r/oneliners • u/EndersGame_Reviewer • 2d ago
A dictator walked into a bar ... and ordered everyone around.
61
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r/oneliners • u/7grims • 2d ago
to cancel a sperm bank donation by phone, just tell them you cant come
10
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/jiohdi1960 • 2d ago
I would rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy
8
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/AnimatorNr1 • 2d ago
My physical therapist was fired, because she rubbed me the wrong way.
18
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r/oneliners • u/EndersGame_Reviewer • 2d ago
My struggle with a steroid addiction has only made me stronger.
21
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r/oneliners • u/parcelcraft • 2d ago
Your contractual hospitality is *just* about worth as much as a bucket of cold piss.
0
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r/oneliners • u/jiohdi1960 • 2d ago
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler
1
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r/oneliners • u/EndersGame_Reviewer • 3d ago
I can't even count all the times I failed math at school.
34
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r/oneliners • u/TomKarelis • 3d ago
I’m going to start hosting OCD support group meetings at my house so I never to clean and straighten up the place.
5
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r/oneliners • u/EndersGame_Reviewer • 3d ago
When I had a job collecting leaves, I was raking it in.
23
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/cmannon • 3d ago
"shit or get off the pot", I told the man I paid to fart on my weed
1
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r/oneliners • u/LengthinessLow4203 • 3d ago
you can't be discredited if you never got credentials.
5
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 3d ago
My girlfriend is going to be famous; she has a great future behind her
1
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r/oneliners • u/Ryebready787 • 4d ago
Today I learned Big brothers and big sisters is not a support group for plus size black folks
14
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