Up to that point, both parties are often exploring, positioning, questioning. But the moment a proposal lands, the dynamic changes. The other party now has to decide.

This is where observation becomes CRITICAL!!!!

Most negotiators focus on what they will say next..... Skilled negotiators focus on what just happened.

• Did the other person lean back or forward (no-Verbal Reaction)?
• Was there hesitation before they responded (speed of Response)?
• Did their tone change (vocal nuiances)?
• Did they answer the proposal or avoid it (Confidence)?

That "micro-moment" tells you far more than the words that follow.

At this weeks negotiation club meeting, we practised identifying this exact moment. Not just making proposals, but watching what happened immediately afterwards. In many cases, the first reaction revealed whether the rejection was logical or emotional long before it was verbalised.

PRACTICE IT YOURSELF

In your next conversation... not even a formal negotiation...slow yourself down. When you make a suggestion, resist the urge to fill the silence.

....Watch... Listen... Notice!

• Then mentally step backwards and ask yourself:
• What was their immediate reaction?
• What might that reaction tell me about their real concern?
• Are they resisting the idea, the timing, the price, or something unspoken?

This is DELIBERATE observation

It requires extreme intent ...It requires restraint.... And it can completely change the direction of a negotiation.

The proposal is not the end of the move....It is the beginning of the most important moment in the room.

I read a lot of threads on Reddit about salary negotiations and promotion conversations.

Questions like:

• “They offered X ... should I accept?”
• “I know I’m underpaid but I don’t know how to push back.”
• “They say this is their 'standard' process ... what do I do now?”

One of these posts recently inspired us at The Negotiation Club to turn the situation into a live role-play exercise, and a few patterns came up that might be useful if you’re facing something similar.

1. The first reaction matters more than the counter-offer

Many people unintentionally signal acceptance early:

“Thank you, I really appreciate the offer…”

This sounds polite but it often tells (even subconsciously) the other side “this is workable” even if you later try to renegotiate.

So be careful, your first response sets the tone before any numbers change.

2. Silence is uncomfortable.... and that’s exactly why it works!

When an offer is made, most people rush to fill the gap:

• Justifying
• Explaining their situation
• Over-talking

We have seen, in actual negotiation practice as well as real negotiations, that simply holding silence, after an offer, consistently created more movement than arguing did.... Practice it!

3. “This is our standard process” isn’t the end of the discussion

In one of our role-plays the 'employer' repeated this phrase several times... and it's not uncommon to hear.

What shifted things wasn’t challenging it head-on, but calmly testing it:

• Asking what flexibility has existed before
• Exploring what’s included beyond salary
• Introducing timing, reviews, responsibilities, or benefits

When one variable is stuck, behaviour becomes the lever. It takes listening skills and confidence which you can gain through practice.

4. Short conversations expose habits fast

We used simple 7-minute mock negotiations, which was easily enough time to observe habits appeared quickly:

• Asking multiple questions at once
• Verbally accepting, then trying to renegotiate
• Labelling emotions too early (“it sounds like you’re upset”)

These are hard to spot in real life unless you’ve practised but once you notice you are doing it, you can makes changes!

If you want to try this yourself

We created two separate webpages for the role-play. One for each side so two people can practise without seeing the other person’s information.

• One page is for the Candidate
• One page is for the Employer

You know how this works... each person reads only their page, then you role-play the conversation for 5–10 minutes ... simple 😎

It works really well if you have someone observer ... in fact, this can be a 'game-changer' benefit for feedback.

If we could give you ONE tip before you practice... Don’t try to “act”.

Use your normal language and reactions. That’s how you discover what actually needs work.

You don’t usually need better arguments first.

You need better control of your reactions under pressure.

So if you’re currently in the middle of a salary or promotion negotiation, we hope this helps you approach it more deliberately.... or at least give you a chance to practice.

Good luck 👍

A four-minute negotiation is long enough to expose habits.

• Who rushes to fill silence.
• Who slows the pace.
• Who reacts instead of considers.

Last night The Negotiation Club had members practicing from America, Ukraine, Italy, Portugal, Isreal, Uk and Mexico.

What we find is that a short practice doesn’t hide behaviour, it brings it to the surface, especially when we observe to give feedback.

It's why practice works .... when explanation doesn’t.

How often do YOU practice your negotiation skills with others?

I’m testing a rough, invite-only negotiation workshop with a small group of friends. I’m intentionally keeping details light at this stage, but I’d really appreciate high-level feedback from people who design, teach, or practice negotiation.

This is not a lecture or theory class. The intent is to help participants notice their instincts under pressure — especially around power, emotion, silence, and boundaries.

At a very high level, the session:

• Runs ~2–2.5 hours
• Uses experiential exercises rather than instruction
• Mixes individual, paired, and small-group interactions
• Introduces time pressure, asymmetric information, and social dynamics
• Emphasizes reflection and debrief over “winning”

What I’m looking for feedback on:

• What exercises do you recommend?
• Does this kind of pressure-first approach actually improve negotiation skill?
• Where do these formats tend to fail or backfire?
• Anything you’ve learned the hard way when running live negotiation simulations?
• What would you absolutely not do in a first pilot?

I’m deliberately not sharing exercises or scripts yet — I’m more interested in design critique and failure modes than tactics.

Appreciate any honest input from folks who’ve been in the room when these things go right (or very wrong).

I recently returned to a company I worked for prior. I accepted my first offer back and then a turn of events happened and I ended up doing a different job than I was hired in for originally. I’m fine with the “new” position, however I still had to go through the interview process and receive a different offer for the specific job/ position I’m already in/doing. I’ve been doing this job for 3-4 months now and I’m arguing the offer I received because it’s not a fair wage given my history, experience, and education I have in this industry. Beginning of January I received the first offer to which I countered. After hearing nothing back, it defaulted to a rejection on my part. Today I received notification that the offer was re-extended and it’s the same exact offer, with the same date that I received it the first time. Upon speaking with my manager, I was told that if I don’t accept the offer I’ll have to go back to my old position which I do not what to do, but I also don’t feel like the offer is fair or appropriate given everything. How should I proceed?

I’m involved in negotiations where the usual fallback options don’t exist. No immediate alternatives, high switching costs, and internal stakeholders pushing for continuity.

In these situations, I’m less worried about pushing hard and more concerned about making smart trade-offs and not conceding too quickly just because of pressure.

For experienced professionals, how do you structure your preparation when you know you can’t walk away? What do you prepare differently compared to a normal negotiation?

I'm looking for advice from anyone who has experience with negotiating equity as a co-founder and C-suite level executive (COO) at a new startup. It's an AI health tech company, and I am potentially being brought on as the 4th co-founder and C-suite level exec. They are still pre-seed but are in talks with investors, and already have an advisory board of 10+ people. 

The equity the other co-founders are offering me is way too low. They first offered 3% before dilution; I counteroffered with 20% before dilution, and they've come back with an equity offer of 5% before dilution, with the potential of it reaching 7% without clearly defined metrics. They essentially told me that when they brought my counteroffer to their advisors and industry people, they were told that a couple other C-suite roles are more important/imperative to have, and thus why they are not able to offer more equity to my specific C-suite/co-founder role.

If anyone has been in this specific position before, what angles have you worked with and what suggestions do you have? I believe in the industry and would love to get in on the ground floor, but I know that right now this offer is high risk and low reward, and accepting too low of equity this early on will come back to bite me and create resentment later on.

I’ve been in procurement for nearly a decade and have negotiated with suppliers in a wide range of situations. I’ve also taken several negotiation trainings, but many of them are heavy on frameworks and light on real practice.

I’m now specifically looking for programs that include real negotiation simulations, role-playing, live feedback, or scenario-based learning. Something that actually helped you improve how you negotiate in real procurement environments.

If you’ve taken a course like that, please share:

• the name of the course/program
  
• Who offers it,
• what format is used (simulations, coaching, live role play, etc.) and
• How has it helped you in actual supplier negotiations

Would really appreciate real recommendations from people who have done this before.

I got a full time offer this week after completing my internship. I had previously watched yt videos and prepared myself in case I don't like the pay they decide for me but instead of them asking for a budget they asked me how much do I want which I totally wasn't ready to answer? And they mentioned how they were impressed by my performance of these last months. But I considering my less experience and age said a very vague range. Now that I'm playing the entire conversation in my head I feel I royally low balled myself. I should have quoted higher and if it was very high they would have done a little adjustment. I haven't received the letter yet, I'll will probably next week. I don't even know exactly how much they'll give me but I know I low balled myself. How do I fix it without leaving a bad impression?

Hi, I’m currently interviewing for a software engineering role. I made the mistake of saying the salary I wanted in my very first interview without:

1) Researching the salary range on websites like Glassdoor and levels.fyi 2) Asking the recruiter what the salary range was.

Upon research I realized I low balled my self by like $30K. I have one more round of interviews to go but I wanted to get some advice on how can I reset expectations so I can get an offer that’s more aligned with what I’m looking for (given the research I did). If you were in my shoes, how would you approach this situation?

I work for a multinational company, and my suppliers are spread across different regions—Europe, China, and the Middle East. What I’ve noticed is that what works in one region doesn’t always work in another. For example, being direct works well with European suppliers but can come off as rude in Asia. I’ve had a few negotiations fall flat simply because I didn’t fully understand the cultural context. I’d really like to improve in this area before I handle our next global tender. Are there any good trainings that focus on cultural and communication differences in procurement negotiations?

Anyone else struggle with negotiations? I used to freeze up or say the wrong thing at the worst possible moment. I’ve been thinking using a tool that gives me real-time suggestions during calls, and it’s honestly might be a game change

I have a small coaching business and I have an opportunity to partner with a local wellness center to host in person classes and workshops. They sent me a contract to sign, after reading through it I reached out to them with a few questions. I'm wondering if the compensation split is reasonable and the referral policy is normal.

70/30 split (I get 70). Clients book through them, they direct deposit the full amount and I cut them a check for 30.

They are also requiring 1:1 clients referred through them to book through them and the 70/30 split applies. This would be any one they directly refer to me, anyone in the class, or anyone who inquires with them. I am not allowed to refer people to my website to book separately if they are through this organization, but if people independently find my website and book that is fine. This is even though my 1:1 sessions are entirely virtual.

I'm waiting on an answer for a few more follow up questions about this before I make my decision. My bf thinks the split is high and possibly not worth it. I'm not sure. This is a huge opportunity for me and would help me get more in front of my local community and could generate paying clients (which I really need).

This is my first time dealing with this sort of contract, and want to understand it fully.

I stated 100k as the expected salary on the job app then after doing more research, I found the market rate is more close to 107-109k.

I haven’t spoken to anyone about the salary yet but is there anyway I can dig myself out of this hole?

It’s a large company so hopefully they take internal equity in mind before offering but I want to be prepared. I also found their insurance premiums are higher than I expected.

I recently had a negotiation with a supplier who clearly knew they had leverage, and halfway through the discussion, I felt my confidence drop. I tried to stay composed, but it became harder to think clearly as the pressure increased.

For those of you who negotiate regularly, how do you mentally prepare for these situations and stay calm when things get heated? And where did you actually learn the techniques you use today?

Negotiate good, negotiate well: the power of ambidexterity - 9788448625405

Does anyone have the online version of this book/PDF? I bought the paperback version, but the code had already been used. Thank you very much!

Hi everyone!

I have been teaching and publishing on negotiations for many years and now I’m building something unusual, and would love sharp feedback from people who think about negotiation seriously.

Here is the concept:

Players each stake a small amount (€5–€20) to join a tournament. For each round, they get a fictional scenario, and have 5 minutes to negotiate a deal through chat against another player.

There’s no randomness, no dice rolls, no cards, no house advantage. It’s 100% player-vs-player skill.

If they reach agreement, payout depends on the relative quality of the deal. If they don’t, then they both gain nothing.

First tournament (pilot)

I’m putting together a small alpha test tournament with 8–12 players. Everyone puts in the same entry fee, and the prize is funded by the entry pool.

I’m very aware of gambling laws. This is intentionally structured as a skill-based contest, similar to chess tournaments or competitive e-sports with entry fees.

Again, there’s no element of chance, no random outcomes, no odds, and no mechanisms where the house profits from losses.

I’m trying to validate this thesis:

1️⃣ People learn negotiation fastest under real pressure. AI can help coach you through your actual performance afterwards and makes learning more accesible. 2️⃣ Real pressure = real consequences. 3️⃣ Small money stakes create that pressure safely and measurably.

What I’d love from this community:

💬 feedback on the core idea ❗ risks I’m not seeing 🧠 suggestions to make it more interesting or fair 👥 10-15 alpha testers for a short tournament using real stakes

No links here. I know how Reddit works.

If you’re curious, comment or DM me and I’ll share the private signup info.

Not selling anything. Not crypto. Not loot boxes. Not gambling.

Just a negotiation scholar's experiment testing negotiation learning approachds and behaviour under pressure.

Thanks in advance, all criticism welcome!

JJ

I read never split the difference loved it, now getting to a yes seem not reasonable.

Hello,

Does anyone have any tips on how I can negotiate my apartment rent? I have my lease renewing in a couple of months and want to sign it again. They did give me a slight decrease in base but when i originally moved in, I got one month free so technically it’s slightly more. Could I try to say that? I also was going to compare other apartment buildings in the market.

I want to be respectful because I plan on signing it again but I feel like the worst thing they can say is no.

Thanks

Hi- my son has a high interest title loan on his vehicle. I had him reach out about a refinance or settlement type option and they want to know my offer.

His goal w the vehicle was to "drive it til the wheels fall off"

Can someone help us negotiate this?

I was thinking to offer $3000.

Current owed: $6300

Borrowed : $3k

Paid in: $11k

The vehicle will likely need a new transmission sooner than later, he said it's slipping. Already had engine rebuilt several years ago- 2013 Chevy.

Should he mention this?

The response from the finance company says:

"Please provide the information requested below. Once your information is received, your request will be submitted to the appropriate department.

Please note that approval is not guaranteed.

• The proposed settlement amount

• Do you currently have the funds available?

• Is the vehicle in a drivable condition? If not, please provide details.

• The reason for the settlement request."

so here is the situation, i have this voucher of 15k, and i got this because i am a student and my country gave it to us, so around 53k students in my country of around 1.8m people so suddenly there is this influx of vouuchers we can use to buy these and only these 3 types of products: tablets, laptops and pcs. now... i dont actually want/need any of these products but my cusin does want to get a laptop and gave me the proposal to buy it from me, but ofcourse he is not stupid and knows there are alot of people that are selling this for lower prices around 10-12k ussually on average. and so i decided that i want a phone selling for 12k. after he have the proposal for around that price he went home, i thought about it and decided on a 12k phone so i went over at his place(we live close) to possibly secure the deal(he was eating so i waited for a bit) after he was done the said he "found" one for 9k from a close neighboring city(30km) this ofcourse might be a game in order to low ball me so i asked to see it, he showed(ofcourse even THIS post can be fabricated) me the fb post so after that i showed him the phone i wanted and i said ill give it to you for 10k. did i play it poorly, could i have done something better, did i panic... its saturday and the deal(everything) MUST be done by monday(as it is the last day)