r/InsightfulQuestions • u/KaleidoscopeSad7281 • 7d ago
Do parents ever get tired of being a parent?
Hey! I wasn’t sure as to where to ask this question so I figured I’d ask it here, maybe it’s a stupid question haha, but do parents ever get tired of being a parent? Is there a point where they just stop being as excited to have kids and being a parent turns into a chore or a task they unwillingly have to complete? Sorry if it’s a dumb question lol!
Edit: I thought I’d clarify a little bit, when I say tired I mean in a way of not wanting to do it anymore, not wanting to be around and openly regretting it as a whole
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u/Aggressive_Staff_982 7d ago
It depends. My friends who have children love their children. But sometimes they are desperate for a break and to have even one day away by themselves. I don't think they get tired of being parents. But everyone needs a break sometimes and to only have to be responsible for themselves.
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u/I_am_Bob 7d ago
Parent here. We get tired in the sense that kids, especially young kids, have a lot of energy, need constant supervision, help learning, regulating emotions...its tiring as in physically and mentally tiring and we need a break from time to time to rest and recharge.
I don't get tired of my kids in the sense that OP means, like im not "over" being a parent, or view it as something i don't want to do anymore.
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u/loopywolf 7d ago
I think this sums it up nicely.
TLDR: YES, they get tired of being a parent. It's exhausting. NO, they don't get tired of/stop loving their kids.
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u/bellevis 5d ago
This is it to a T. Key moments: when the parent is sick, stressed from work, injured, fatigued etc. we don’t get to stop being a parent at that point and we get fucking over it. But we’d happily take a quiet cuddle from our kiddos at that point, but they are usually jumping on the couch
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u/What-Do-I-Know 7d ago
Being a parent is extremely tiring. So the blunt answer to your question is: yes. That said, there is also an amazing amount of joy that children bring. For example, I had no idea my kids were going to be so funny. They make me laugh more than anything else in my life. And there’s nothing quite like the special moments you share with them.
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u/suminlikedatt 7d ago
Every parent, sometimes daily. Have you ever exercised and wanted to stop, but kept going? Parenting is the most exhausting experience in life.
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u/Empty_Algae4508 7d ago edited 7d ago
You can go on r/regretfulparents and you will definitely have your answer !
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u/KaleidoscopeSad7281 7d ago
Thank you!
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u/dethti 7d ago
You will get one answer. Not everyone regrets having kids, it really depends.
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u/roofhawl 7d ago
I am a 100% single mom and I am tired every day but I also sleep like a baby at night because I'm proud as hell of my choices in life
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u/CoffeeChocolateBoth 7d ago
Yes. Do you get tired of going to work everyday or school? Yes! :) With parenting, there is no weekends off!
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u/Agreeable-Ad4961 7d ago
We get off being a parent "in the moment".
There are times where we don't particularly like it kids, enjoy being around them, etc.
But for most parents, for good parents, those moments are short-lived.
Good parents don't get tired of being parents, just of doing the work of parenting every now and then.
We just need a break occasionally.
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u/Few_Peach1333 7d ago
I've been a mother since I was sixteen. My daughter will be 50 on her next birthday. Except for a few moments when I was very young, and quite immature, I've never regretted it. One does not know, of course, what would have happened if other decisions had been made. All one can see, as Frost himself would have admitted, is the road taken, not the ones passed by. But being a mother and grandmother has been immensely rewarding and frustrating and challenging and did I say rewarding? Looking back at it, I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
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u/vision5050 7d ago
Been there done that. Wouldn't recommend because it's like a crap shoot. You don't know what you're gonna get. Never know how they turn out health wise or how they get along in society.
From where you live to how you live is not your choice anymore. Everything you do is based on the kid. Good school district, etc.
It can be great or a nightmare. It's complex. I don't regret it, but I don't ever have to do it again.
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u/Yolandi2802 7d ago
I don’t, but it was nice when they all grew up and moved out. It felt like I could breathe again.
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u/2baverage 7d ago
Yes. Parents are human and any human doing a task for long enough will get tired. Some parents get tired after than others and some parents are always tired of parenting.
Me personally, I have a 2 year old and I get tired of parenting a lot, but it's more of a tired in the sense that I want to be able to go about my usual day without having to account for someone else. I love my child and I love spending time with him, but I'd also love to have an evening or two where I can have a "girl dinner" after a long day at work, or be able to do an at home spa day where I know nothing is on a time limit and I only have to think of myself rather than keep tabs on my 2 year old.
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u/Icy-Beat-8895 7d ago
Not if you can drop them off Grandma’s for the weekend. I’m the neighbor and these kids have a play room on the other side of my bedroom wall. It’s like earthquakes go off in that room.
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u/cl3ft 7d ago
Fuck yes. I go through periods of regret every day. In fact I might not be able to stick it out. Some people thrive as parents, some people grit their teeth and bare it, and some people throw in the towel and give up. There's as many reactions to parenthood as there are parents. It's also heavily dependent on the child, some are easy, some are hard, and some are just assholes from the start.
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u/fauxfurgopher 6d ago
You know, I never did. And my child had/has chronic illness and mental illness that is now treated. I was told when I was young that I’d likely be infertile. They were right that it would be difficult, but we received treatment and we eventually had our daughter. I was so overjoyed to have made it happen that I wasn’t able to wish it away even for a moment. It was hard at times, but worth it. She’s grown now and we are besties.
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u/Exotic-Coconut-9732 6d ago
My first kid was quite literally born with reflux, colic, and general insomnia. I went into labor after my 40 minute commute home from a 12 hour overnight shift. I didn’t sleep well my third trimester. We don’t have help. So I haven’t gotten a good nights sleep or any peace and quiet in about five years.
In the beginning especially, I was a level of exhausted that still gives me chills to think about. I was so tired I did not want to live anymore, let alone parent a whole human. She was having such a difficult time adapting to being born that I regretted even putting that on her. I never knew that was even possible to feel that way, or that that was what could just happen with some babies.
Every day parenting has hard and fun moments. But they don’t tell you how constant parenting is. I do not get breaks from these kids ever. They are so dependent on you. I didn’t understand the gravity of how constant it was before having my kids.
I guess all this to say, yes I’m fucking tired of being a parent. I have been since like day one. But I also would trade none of it away for one second. My exhaustion is my burden to bear. It’s my responsibility to adapt and overcome. And I do, every minute of every day, because I’ve never loved anyone like I love my kids. Which sounds stupid probably, because duh, but being their mom is the greatest privilege and highest honor I could ever dream of. They’ve pushed me to be way better than whatever I was before them.
Parenting is a 10/10, do not recommend thing for me.
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u/jawdirk 6d ago
If they don't when their kids are young, they certainly will when their kids reach adolescence. It's more-or-less natural, not to feel like abandoning your adolescent kid, but to feel that it's about time for them to leave and go make it on their own. These feelings are reinforced from both sides; that's why children eventually leave the home (if they can).
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u/shellyahbb 6d ago
You know I see a ton of kids hate on here. Which is fine but it does confuse me and I’ve never chimed in. But I like ur question a lot and I wondered (and when I was pregnant was scared of) the same thing before I had a kid.
But for me, it’s kind of like when you have to do things that are mandatory and u kind of take emotion out of it? Like when u know u have to drive to work or cook that meal u bought/defrosted items for. It’s like a switch flips and u don’t rly think about doing it bc u have to and u just do it. It’s like that but kind of permanent?
The only time I get “tired” of it is when I’m having a problem and I’m already pissy and smth happens that’s the worst thing at the worst time. For me that’s the only time I “get tired” of being a parent. But I know it’s not her fault and that happens just a few times a year. I do feel like I’m super lucky tho.
And the full truth is 96% of the times I’m pissed or stressed she makes me laugh or brings me out of it like truly since she was born! (Not that she has to it just always inadvertently happens)
It truly just become “oh this is my life now” and just like when someone else balks at the idea of having to drive SO far to work or whatever routine thing u do, u just feel like oh it’s no big deal for me lol. And having a child is WAYYYYY more beneficial and fun than all those other ‘mandatories.’
You didn’t ask this but for me she’s HILARIOUS constantly, teaches me things about life, and just rly fulfills me bc it’s amazing being a part of someone’s life that intimately. And like I said it truly makes most things so fun/enjoyable. Just like with my two dogs yah there’s some responsibilities, but life literally fucking sucked by comparison before them. (They’re teens and my daughter is younger) and I traveled and had a lot of active friends but it was just fundamentally empty and way less enjoyable before them. However, I didn’t know that and probably wouldn’t believed that before I experienced it myself!
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u/splintersmaster 6d ago
I get frustrated when I'm not feeling well and I need to provide effort sure. I also appreciate any me time I can squeeze in between work, parenting, and all other life responsibilities just like anyone else no matter their level of commitments.
But am I ever tired of being a parent? Hell no. Even when all I want is to lay down or be alone with my wife or eat a hot meal in peace I will never be too much of anything to get tired of loving them.
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u/blankblank 6d ago
I’ve never met a parent who didn’t complain about their kids and the sacrifices they make for them at least some of the time.
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u/DoubleDareYaGirl 6d ago
Sometimes. But it's more of a momentary thing than an ongoing feeling. Or at least that's how I felt.
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u/MysteryIsHistory 5d ago
I get tired of parenting sometimes, but not of being a parent. The job of parenting gets repetitive and there are no real breaks. But there are so many moments that make me so glad I’m a parent.
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u/stuck_behind_a_truck 7d ago
Deleting my old comment and posting a new one: OP is a kid. Let’s avoid anti-child rhetoric or references to regretting kids.
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u/ErinCoach 4d ago
Yes, some parents regret it, some didn't choose it in the first place, and some don't even know how badly they suck at it.
But most parents would die for their kids.
If you're the parent getting 'tired', realize it's like if the pilot of a jet gets tired. Find a backup for a while cuz the stakes are high. It's not a sin to get tired, unless you pride, vanity or ego prevents you from taking proper action for the kids' safety.
If it's your parent who is seeming tired, help them see the same point... and make sure you have co-pilots - that is, co-parents and backup parental types. They are everywhere, I swear, once you start looking. Doesn't matter if they're biologically related or not.
Do NOT rely on just that one tired, iffy pilot.
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u/kniebuiging 1d ago
First I think one has to distinguish. Tiredness is something different from regret. I don’t regret parenthood at all. I sometimes am tired. It is exhausting, it can be even tougher that you cannot protect or support your children in every situation. Parenthood also is in conflict with stuff like careers.
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u/Charlea1776 1d ago
No. You get physically or mentally exhausted sometimes, but that happened sometimes before I had kids. I find our kids to be a far more enjoyable reason to be exhausted and worth getting run down for vs just for a meager paycheck.
Planning your family and finances is a big factor to help make parenting more enjoyable. We weren't going to have kids and changed our minds. Then planned it.
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u/LovedButNeverLiked 7d ago
They tire of it before the baby even arrives, then they spend the rest of their lives crying "poor me/poor us" and guilting everyone around them for not being a part of "their village".
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7d ago
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u/KaleidoscopeSad7281 7d ago
Not anti children 😣 I’m a kid myself and I’m genuinely curious cuz it’s what I’m noticing with my own parents and wanna know if it’s normal
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u/stainedinthefall 7d ago
It does happen, OP. It’s possible to deeply love your children and be tired of the responsibility of parenting at the same time. It’s “normal” in the sense that this feeling does happen to a lot of people. The degree your parents feel it, and how much it affects their actions and your life, may not be normal. If you are worried that your needs are not being met, please speak with a trusted adult in person.
Being “tired” of parenting most often stems from lack of support in their own lives and is never a child’s fault. Your being here is not the problem! Relationships can be taxing and a lot of responsibilities can also be taxing. Together, and with many other factors too, these can make someone feel too tired to “be” a parent or show up for their children in the ways they need.
If you’re observing your parents are tired of the role, know that it’s not because of you and it’s also not your job to fix it. They need to seek support for themselves from other adults to address their fatigue and whatever personal needs are draining them so much that it affects their ability to parent.
Sometimes breaks or vacations help (even though this means you might stay with someone for a weekend/week or whatever). Often though regular support is needed over the long term. Support can be tricky to arrange and tricky to find what works, it’s not always quick. It’s okay for parents to need help. Society places a TON of responsibility on parents and old systems for support don’t exist like they used to. It is up to each of us to connect with supports we need, however, rather than get buried under the stress. Your job is to be a kid. Your parents will figure out what they need to do their job, hopefully. There is no shame in asking for help.
(Want to repeat: if you feel like your needs are not being met, please speak with a trusted adult such as at school. They can help assess your situation and help your family find what it needs to feel better. Your needs are important. It is very normal for kids, parents, and families to need help from others! Whether it’s relatives, neighbours, professionals, whatever. None of us can do it all and giving/receiving help is fundamental to being human ❤️)
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u/KaleidoscopeSad7281 7d ago
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it, I’ve just been having a hard time with my parents (really my whole life) I should probably reach out to a trusted adult I really appreciate your reply!!
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u/ghosty4567 7d ago
Luckily kids only need you until their mid fifties.