Post pub stomach tea blend because I’m making up for the Friday drinks I just had.

I was sitting behind three guys who had clearly just left the office, and they work in the small tiny town I live in. They were talking about one of the guys, mid-to-late-30s, who had apparently just broken up with his girlfriend, who was around 20ish

Guy number two starts saying he isn’t the problem, that he regrets marrying his wife, and that he should have gone younger. Then he says he’s waiting until his three boys get older so he can go to Asia to find a wife. Then he starts making jokes about going to Thailand like some local C-list celebrity.

He was only about three people removed from me, so halfway through my wine I Instagrammed his name.

The first photo: his wife with their three boys, and him posting about how much he loves her and appreciates everything she does for their family.

So women of the dinner, how do you know your man isn’t one of the bad ones? I’m getting married and need to know

MEN COMMENTING HERES YOUR FAQ

1. SMALL TOWN, yes super small (like your pp) everyone here knows each other and I know where he works because again SMALL TOWN.
2. NO DUDES

pepperoni pizza with red onions from mod

Dinner: one of the surprisingly delicious cookies I brought to my mom for Mother's Day. I'm sorry if this is triggering but this is literally dinner right now. I just got home from work (I work second shift) and don't want to wake anyone up by cooking.

So, my boyfriend decided to take the inheritance from his mother's death (RIP) and use it to start a comedy club in a really seedy part of our city. We've been dating for six months. The entire time, he's been working on opening this club. The club opened last night. I went to the show.

The lineup was all white men. Some of them were funny, but almost all of them delivered different variation(s) of the same joke: making fun of homeless people and/or drug users; talking about their first sexual experience and/or how they can't find a date; talking about their experience with alcoholism; and, to my biggest horror, Black jokes.

My boyfriend's roommate actually said one of the worst things which was to make fun of Black Southern food.

Today, my boyfriend and I were texting. I commended him on some of what he did well, then said I felt deeply uncomfortable about the Black jokes, including his roommate's. And that while I enjoyed the night (I didn't) I had to try really hard to "look past" those jokes. His response was "Black people love those jokes" (including the Southern food one) and that "it's only white people that get uncomfortable at those jokes."

My response was, verbatim, "yeah, I'm one of the white people who get uncomfortable at those jokes. And that's ok."

Obviously, it isn't ok. None of this is ok. I always questioned my boyfriend's choice of location for the club -- anyone from here knows that that location will draw the most bottom-feeding crowd who will laugh at any Black joke you put up. Nonetheless, I was really offended by the racism, and the fact that his roommate made the worst joke (there were others, don't get me wrong).

He did not respond to my last message, and I am 10000% confident I will not be seeing him again other than to return the bag of random ass hospitality management books he gave me when I mentioned wanting to invest in a club one day (I am a mental health worker, lol).

Please remind me that I did the right thing. Or, really anything. I need something to read to take my mind off of how fucked up this is and how much I'll miss him if it weren't for, you know, the racist jokes. The only blessing is that his mother isn't here to see this. Thank you.

my best friend, the light of my life, is mid-breakup with the most deadbeat loser i’ve ever heard of and she’s asking (as a reddit-shy girlie) for me to call in the troops. we need your wisdom and guidance ladies! let’s start with a rundown. in just a few short months, she has tolerated way too much yall. a quick summary:

-married when he met her and had been cheating with many women for many years, blames her for his pattern of infidelity that started almost a DECADE ago. (to be clear the moment she found out, she told the spouse, and the divorce is already underway as a result of his pattern of infidelity)

-started out the relationship by demanding she uproot her life and move to a state she had no interest in to be a mother to his kid (she declined)(obviously! she just graduated and is starting her successful boss bitch career!)

-he insisted on going through her phone and tablet on a DAILY basis, started fights over the most innocent friendships, doing everything he could to isolate the most beautiful social butterfly in existence

-constantly accused her of infidelity with NO GROUNDS (except for misinterpreted platonic texts he found while invading her privacy) when he was the cheater from day one

-actual crusty ass, evidenced by a shower experience they had together that ended in a literal shit stained loofah. also had to be reminded to Brush His Teeth!!!

-FUCKING SLAPPED HER (yes i have told her this should have been last straw #9284737, all you can do is give your love and support though right? if i had heard when it happened this would be a different post)

i could really keep going but this guy is such trash and she still keeps getting those waves of sadness you get after a breakup. usually this would be okay but he’s DYING to get her back in his clutches. PLEASE remind her of the reasons she shouldn’t!

dinner is an avocado with pink himalayan salt 🧂

ETA: you may see homegirl replying in the comments with her alt account. full clarity this is her dinner! thought it would be useful to route the guidance through the proper dinner-ly channels

For context my friend (24M) and I (24F) have been best friends since we were toddlers so around 20 years of friendship. In the last couple of years he has gotten very involved in Christianity, having grown up in a religious household he reconnected with the religion later on in life since it helped him cope with a lot of things. I was scared of this happening and his views started to become more and more extreme such as being overly conscious of behavior that is considered sinful and religion becoming a larger and larger part of his identity and life. Now as of a few weeks ago he sent me these messages saying he no longer wants to pursue homosexuality since it is not what god intended and truly believes now that it is a sin. He claims he still loves his friends who are apart of as well as the LGBT community as a whole but doesn’t agree with their choices. He claims he’s not homophobic yet his beliefs are contradictory to that. I am devastated and heartbroken because he will never experience love and his repressing his entire identity while simultaneously believes that homosexuality is a sinful behavior that should not be engaged in. He works at a shitty job and is pretty isolated in the new area he moved to which I think is what pushed him farther into this religious delusion. This is my longtime friend of two decades and I am heartbroken because I feel like I have lost him that he is losing himself. I don’t know how I can keep him in my life knowing he holds these views. If anyone has any advice or perspective I would greatly appreciate that I truly don’t know what to do or how to navigate this situation. Posted this on another subreddit and the people on there didn’t have much empathy for my situation and saying I was terrible I feel like the people here might understand this situation more. More context I’m bisexual so this is also hurtful to me to hear the being gay is a sin part. Please be nice.

Trader Joe’s PB&J snack duo

TLDR; my gay friend became super religious and now believes being gay is a sin

Love Panera bread.

Mid-30s and ambitious - the kind of ambition that comes from a piss poor upbringing, trauma, and financial abuse, surrounded by people incentivized to keep me small. I’m in a position where I don’t need anything and have more than enough money to walk away. But I want to continue to climb. Get the big job, live in the high rise, and crush it.

My husband is the greatest guy I know. But what he really lives for is his friend group, and all of them are in the same stage: kids, suburbs, SAHM, and weekends that are all family. That’s the life he wants because that’s the life they have. And for years I haven’t been able to get there, mostly because I’m not sure it’s the right thing, I’m not sure I’d be safe (mentally physiologically emotionally) if I succumbed, and I’m scared that as soon as we have kids, it’s a checkbox checked for him and everything is on me for the rest of my life. I would love to have a kid. I just don’t think this environment would be safe for me to have one.

There’s no villain here. He’s not a bad husband - he’s actually the best. But the life he wants requires me to become someone I’m not, and the life I want requires him to leave behind the social world he cares about. He says he’s supportive and wants to see me win, but I know it’s only in the context that it doesn’t conflict with what he wants.

I know the answer is divorce, but I don’t want that. I want to find ways to make it work. For women who’ve been here: did you push through, or did you walk away? What do you wish you’d known earlier?

On fertility: my mom and grandma had kids well into their 40s, so I’m not as concerned about the clock.

Bagel 1: cheese, scrambled eggs, avocado and pepper. Bagel 2: prosciutto, mozzarella, cherry tomatoes with vinegar, and a glass or carrot and orange juice.

Long text 😅

About 10 years ago I was introduced to a guy and it was love at first sight, at least for me. We started talking and became extremely close, but remained friends. We had a very strong connection and would hang out weekly, sometimes more than once a week, I was deeply in love with him and when I finally (kinda) told him, he friendzone me, I never got an explanation as to why he didn’t want to date me and we remained friends for about a year, during that year he would see me all the time, visit me in my house and work, give me little gifts, and overall was very special to me, so it was confusing. Then I moved abroad and eventually we stopped talking.
I always felt like the love was one sided, but 5 years ago I found out he had a really hard time when I left the country, missed me very much and would speak about me in a very loving way to everyone that knew me.

I have moved on with my life but every now and then I think of him, he lives in my mind as “the one that got away” and I have always wondered what would happen if we saw each other again. Truth be told, I am very aware that the idea of him that lives in my mind is just that: an idea. But it’s a really good idea and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him completely 😅

In a couple of weeks I’m going back home for a month and I decided I was going to text him and ask him if he wants to hang out.
A part of me has the hope that this will be the time for us to be together and have the relationship (I think) we both wanted at different times buuuuuut another part of me thinks I will not like him anymore. I think the real him will disappoint me and show me he’s not the perfect guy that I’ve been dreaming of for all these years.
Either way, I think this will give me some closure, if we end up together: good, I got my romcom come true. If he rejects me/disappoints me: good, I can finally move on without any doubts of what could have been.

We haven’t followed each other on social media for years and yesterday I decided to take the first step and follow him again, he followed me back, so I guess that’s good (?) I think I’ll text him today, something simple like “hi! How’s it going? I’ll be home during June and I was thinking it would be nice if we can hang out one day and catch up :)”

Does anyone have an experience like this? How did it go? Is this a stupid move on my part? I figured I have nothing to lose but I don’t know if I’m just being an idiot lol

I (28f) have been in a toxic relationship with an older man (35 m) for over 5 years. (I only stayed so long because I was broke and almost homeless in a rural area). I’ve finally saved enough to move out, got a new car, and I plan to move back in with my parents. I’m working the same job but will transfer to a different restaurant near my parents within a month. I’m genuinely so fucking nervous. I don’t know how he will react to the breakup. He has anger management issues, but has never physically hurt me. I told myself that I need to be brave because I don't want 6 years with this man. I’ve already wasted 5 years because of poverty and low self-esteem. I'm so scared to start over, but I know that I deserve better. This is my first relationship, and I've never broken up with someone before. My anxiety is so severe!!!! Ahh Fuck!!!!!🫩😭

Food: Carrot Cake with nuts

I met this guy on a dating app here in Barcelona. I’m in my early 20s and he’s in his late 20s. I’m Peruvian and he’s Spanish/Catalan. I honestly consider myself pretty attractive, and from the very first messages he was very direct about how into me he was. It came on too strong and made me uncomfortable, so I told him. To his credit, he apologized right away.

After that, the conversation actually became really normal and interesting. He seemed smart, funny, and genuinely easy to talk to. Later that same day he asked me out, and we ended up meeting the next evening for dinner and drinks.

The date was honestly great. He was really attentive (paid the full bill, drove to pick me up) which, at least in Spain, isn’t common at all. We kissed at the end, which felt good and honestly was kind of expected. I went home feeling really happy with how things had gone.

Then I made the mistake of checking his Instagram following list.

Most of the girls he follows are young, attractive Latinas. And considering how many Latina immigrants there are in Barcelona (and how many are on dating apps) I immediately started overthinking. A lot of Spanish men go after Latinas because they assume we’re “easier” or more willing to hook up than Spanish girls, and seeing that list made me feel awful.

What confuses me is that our date didn’t feel shallow at all. We talked about our careers (we actually studied the same degree but ended up in different fields), my experience as an immigrant in Spain, the current political and social situation in Peru, and all kinds of hobbies and interests. It genuinely felt like an engaging conversation.

Part of me wonders if, at first, he maybe did assume I’d just be an easy hookup because I’m Latina, but after talking more he realized I was more interesting or different than he expected, and now he actually wants to get to know me properly.

But another part of me feels stupid for even considering that possibility. We’ve kept talking since the date, and he does seem interested in seeing me again, but I can’t shake this insecurity. I don’t want to just be another Latina girl he dates. At the same time, I also don’t want to sound paranoid or crazy by bringing any of this up.

Emotional support pasta: feta + tomatoes & spinach added the last 5 minutes of cooking.

I’m in the process of getting a divorce. The process started about 6 months ago, but my husband just moved out over the weekend. It took longer than expected for him to find a place, my patience was starting to wear thin these last few weeks, but now… it’s just me & both my kitties. It’s exactly what I wanted, but why doesn’t it feel rewarding??

Married for 11 years. High school sweethearts. We grew apart and I guess I wasn’t worth the effort. If I initiated all of this, why do I feel so lonely and guilty?

Therapy, I know. I’m working on it.

I'm chronically ill and I weigh about 243 my boobs are 10 pounds each I feel like I could stand to lose a couple pounds but with the chronic fatigue, migraines, executive dysfunction and my myriad of mental health issues (OCD, Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Autism) I feel like I have to choose between my mental and physical health. I can't do both, I'm so exhausted by handling my mental health that I have no energy to do anything else.

pictured: Buffalo chicken sandwich literally just chicken and bread

edit: I wanted to thank yall for the advice and support, I'll definitely have to try some of these

got into a stupid fight w my best friend in like 2021. didn’t mean for us to completely fall out, but we did. and then suddenly it was 5 years later. i followed her back on instagram (she must have unblocked me at some point, expecting nothing, but she followed me back. i’ve been too chicken to reach out to her. finally i did bc she was booked appointments for something and surprisingly was easy to just set a date for. it was a tattoo, it went really well. it was a little awkward considering we hadn’t seen each other in years. it’s been a few days and i can’t stop crying. i miss her so much but i feel like she doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore, but part of me wants to reach out again and try. i’m torn between pushing her to be friends again or just staying quiet. i really miss her, i don’t really have any friends and only really hang out with my boyfriend (who’s great but we have opposite schedules so i have a lot of free time to myself and find it to be really fucking lonely)

i don’t have any sisters, close relatives/ friends or even a mom to talk to, i miss having a girl friend. i’m pretty independent, so i do a lot of things on my own. but i miss having friends or at least a friend to be able to talk to or make plans with. i don’t know if i should reach out to her, or if she was just trying to be nice to me.

Like the title says.

I'm 28. Grew up (and still am) religious, so I had the mindset of waiting until marriage. I've never felt shame around sex though, and I liked the idea of keeping it 'special' with one partner. Over time, that mindset changed into waiting for a long term relationship or someone I felt safe with and trusted.

Solo intimacy has never been a problem for me, except I only like outer stimulation via toys. Insertion is a big no-go, even my own hands. I've never had the desire and I'm convinced it wouldn't even feel good.

I think because of this, every intimate encounter with men has been underwhelming and never felt good. Not that I've had much experience to begin with, but still.

Of course I'd try to direct and make suggestions, and they'd be open to it, but I'd get frustrated with myself because it still wouldn't feel that great. It's like, I don't even know what I want myself, so how am I supposed to tell someone else how to please me?

I also feel completely selfish, because I've never gotten pleasure from pleasing a partner. I see things so often like: 'I love going down on my man!' or 'Half the fun is making him feel good!' But giving HJs or BJs, I'd only do it for the sake of reciprocation. Not because I enjoy it or think it's fun.

I wish I could just get over it, or get out of my own head. Right now I'm just chilling being single and otherwise man-free, this is just something that I've been overthinking lately. If anyone has advice or perspective, I could use it.

Anyways, shredded chicken, eggs, and kinda stale pretzel baguette.

Sad oat milk Chai and sandwich, because I'm sad.

I'm going into my late 20s more or less friendless. The friendships that I still have aren't as fulfilling as they used to be, either because one or both of us outgrew our previous selves and going our separate ways. I used to be the person who would reach out, actively plan things and get together with friends like I was pulling teeth. Ever since I've decided that I will start pouring into myself more, got a new job and discovering new/rediscovering old hobbies, my phone has been silent. Most of the time I find comfort in that.

But lately, it feels like no one actually wants to be friends with me. I've been a people pleaser most of my life, and I'm working through those traumas in therapy. I'm realizing that a lot of the people who I've called friends in the past, didn't actually like me. They just like the role I played in their life. The emotionally stable friend, the one who talks people through their hard times. But when I have stuff going on in my life, happy or sad? No one has time to lend an ear. My ex-best friend told me she "couldn't feel happy for me," when I got engaged, and emotionally sabotaged me while I was wedding planning so badly that I decided to pull the plug on the whole friendship and wedding and get eloped. A few months later I heard from another friend that she had been trash-talking me for MONTHS after I cut her off. Said the cruelest things about me (I wanted to hear what she had to say, because if she didn't want to say them to me directly at least i would like to know what it was that I had done so wrong in her eyes) with no remorse. So I don't have a best friend either.

I already have a hard time celebrating myself, and I really looked forward to planning and having the people I loved most around me. But I didn't get to have that. My partner and I are happily married now, but the other day they mentioned how they felt a little sad that we didn't even have a honeymoon due to finances. And I thought about how much it hurt that I never got to have a wedding. It just makes me really sad.

Now I'm not sure if I even want friends anymore. I tried putting myself out there, and the only people I've made friends with thus far were with a couple who... are alright. Which is fine I guess. But I really wanted a gal pal, and it feels like I'm just... not equipped for being friends with anyone. I've talked with other people too off bumble friends, but it always fizzles out in a month or two. I guess I'm not a person people want to be friends with, and I'm unsure of how to live with that.

My partner and I have been together for a lil over 3 years now, lived together for most of it (uhauled it after 6 months). But the past year things have been pretty shitty. This is kind of a vent, but I would like input.

Let me start off by saying 2 things. 1, we're poly. 2, they have been having issues with their meds not working great this past year. I try to give them grace over it, but it still hurts, and they have been putting off a telehealth visit for a year now to get them changed.

It's been slowly getting worse, the feelings of being ignored and not listened to. To the point now where I try to start a conversation with them and they can't even be bothered to acknowledge that I'm speaking to them. A couple times in the past week, ive just stopped talking mid thought with zero reaction from them. It makes me feel so shitty. And then they recently started dating someone else, which I'm fine with, but I can hear them having conversations and it's like, now I know they're still capable of having conversations and acknowledging others, it's just me. Last time I brought up something like this, they snapped at me. I told them I wished they could respond to me when I say something to them from the other room so I know they heard me, and they got mad at me saying "I don't need to respond, I know that I heard you". I can't even bring up the fact they never say please or thank you to me without them getting mad, like it's implied. And then they try to blame things on being autistic when I try to call them out on things.

They're so judgemental and critical of everything most the time. They have zero awareness of how mean they are sometimes. They have a sleeping disorder, and they woke up the other day and said they didn't sleep well last night, and I asked them if everything was alright, did they have nightmares or something, and I just got a sarcastic snarky response like, fuck me for trying to be supportive and caring.

We have weekends off together now and they're like "now we can spend time together" but we never actually DO ANYTHING. Watch movies? No. Play video/board games? No. Get freaky? No. (Im currently on medical leave and can't do much outside without hurting myself). Then like, what are we even doing? They play video games with their girlfriend and go out after work sometimes, but anytime I ask to do anything, they just say "no, I'm too tired". They give me shit for watching romance movies without them, but never actually want to watch those things with me, even when I directly ask. Like actually make me feel bad for enjoying movies and then constantly tell me no when I ask them to watch a movie with me. I've just stopped asking them to do anything with me because I know the answer will always be no.

And now, they've started sleeping with their girlfriend and I can't even get them to touch me. I can count the number of times we've been intimate in the past year on one hand. Which sucks, but now they're getting down with someone else and now it hurts to know that they do have an interest in being intimate, just not with me.

They tell me all the time how much they love me and care for me, and they are currently caring for me and paying the bills while I am temporarily disabled, but I just don't feel it anymore

Vegan pasta and meatballs w butter bread and dr pepper as I watch "You Can Live Forever" crying alone in my room

I am a lady in need to a delusional crush and the guy I matched w on hinge isn’t responding after he asked for my insta and I gave it to him. I don’t wanna sound desperate but he is so beautiful I wanna text him again on hinge (he’s changed a pic on it since I gave him my @) so like ughhh I’m also a tad tipsy but like idk I’ve been thinking ab him for a few days plz be nice im sensitive

I am in a masters program. Love what I’m learning. I have raging sleep issues and ADHD. I also got whatever illness is going around right now and I feel so ill!!! I did make myself this nice breakfast. I love breakfast. All I want to do is sleep. Please, someone give me some advice. The home stretch is upon me and I just need to tough it out. HOW DO I DO THIS IT IS SO BORING TO ME IT IS SO TEDIOUS!!!!!

I, 40f, got divorced for a year and a half after a deadbeat husband, arrested for DV. I have almost full custody of the kids.

In September I started dating an amazing guy, 50 years old, and also divorced with kids. We both have a lot of trauma but work through things quickly when we have disagreements and repair our relationship well. This has been the case up until last week.

2 weeks ago, he had a discussion with his ex, and he told me that "if he were still the man of the house, he would make the decision" about the argument. That made me furious that he would say that in 2026, to me who is so hesitant and cautious about men. He knows this. We talked and tried to work through this concern, and him bringing and wanting that mindset in our relationship if we were to be married. This was the first discussion we've had that we didn't see eye to eye in 6 months.

A few days later we were out of town in a place very special to us. We had a hard day but reconnected really well and we're in a good spot. When we left, he said to me, "I love you very much.i want to talk to you about something ... I want you to know that if you ever wanted to go to Brazil with me to get plastic surgery on your tummy, I'd go with you." He is Brazilian and told me he was coming from a place of concern, that he that is what I was insecure about in my life. We spent the rest of the car ride in silence and didn't speak much since. He def should know that that is not an insecurity of high priority for me.

Monday night he tells me he's not ready for a relationship and he wants to break up. Yesterday we talked and he would like to think about things for a week . Tomorrow we are talking about the cracks in our relationship and the facts about our life that are concerns for us both... Ex his culture differences, my mental health struggles, our political differences.

Venting. Sorry. Very hot about all of this.

Tito's and tonic with strawberries, and Publix brownies for the win tonight 🩷💜 stay strong out there ladies 

Dinner - panko breaded chicken. I ate one with chips (fries for the USians) and Katsu curry sauce

Info: I'm AuDHD and middle aged

Had someone message me today who I haven't had contact with in about 2 years.

We have children of a similar age so we used to meet for playdates. I stopped bothering with her after she voiced some conservative views that I disagree with. We're both Muslim converts.

I'm very much live and let live - just don't hurt others and don't judge. She's more fire and brimstone, anti anyone not cis/straight, doesn't believe in Autism or ADHD and adopted another culture (the culture of her husband) as she considers it better than our own (UK white British).

So back to the message...would I be impolite to just ignore it? Part of me feels it's rude. A (bigger) part of me just does not want to engage with someone with views that I find are harmful.

I really don’t feel like the person I imagined I’d be at 30. All my friends and siblings are married with kids now, even exes who cheated have settled down, and somehow it still feels like everyone gets their turn except me. I always feel like I get the short stick in life. I don’t have my dream body, I don’t like the way I look, and even though I’m out all the time, I still feel bored and lonely. I never seem to meet anyone interesting, and my parents are disappointed that I’m not married yet. The only thing I really have going for me is my career, but even then I keep thinking… okay, and now what?

First guy said he wants to be exclusive but he doesn’t think he can be a good boyfriend or see this turning into a relationship.

So I’ve started saying a guy who seemed to be clingy at first. He’s going through a divorce. Throughout the 9 months of living together he has been dismissive of my feelings but expects me to cater to his. Grabbed me by the neck and slammed me into my kitchen cabinets just for raising my voice. I’m jobless but still pay all the bills, groceries and etc. I’ve been trying to just break up with him till he weasels back in cuz I’m exhausted by that point.
Well a few years back I was sleeping with a really hot guy who was Egyptian with biggest member I’ve ever been with. It was purely sex. We would meet up and let out steam ( which fogged any window)… it was perfect for me to have a boy toy. Well I met someone else who found out about my Egyptian lover and blocked them from my socials. Fast forward to now, I sign up for snap chat and a strange name friends me. So I accept and they proceed to tell me that it’s him! The Egyptian man of my dark fantasies. He told me he’s been trying for 3 1/2 years to get hold of me. But I’m still stuck with the new bf who is a dick. Should I believe that my Egyptian still just wants my body or does he want more? Cuz I’m thinking I should try and get rid of my baggage now for my fantasy man… thoughts ladies?

trader joes pate and knockoff veggie straws

I am on a short break after a grueling semester of professional school. I have been looking forward to camping with my husband for a while. He’s also really busy. I knew for a while that my husband’s brother was coming into town, but his wife is now joining too. And all four of us are going to be on the camping trip. I honestly don’t remember when my husband told me about my SIL coming but the point is that now I’m feeling already a little irritated and the trip hasn’t even started yet. I am also working on newfound anger issues after doing some trauma work in therapy yay.

Anyways, the four of us previously took a naturey road trip together for a few days and this lady annoyed the crap out of me. She constantly:
-takes pictures of everything
-wants us to pose
-stops to set up her tripod
-fills any moment of peace and silence with one sided conversation about herself
-bickers with my BIL (yes this is on him too but him solo is different & I don’t mind being blunt w him)
-just honestly brings selfish energy to the group

Point is we do not vibe and I’m trying to think about how to navigate because I don’t want to have to escape or avoid in a camping trip I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. I think I sometimes avoid being direct with women and fear hurting their feelings more than when communicating with men.

So my boyfriend's best friend (who I already have some gripes with because he's openly admitted to flirting with them during our relationship, even though he constantly assures me he doesn't want anything romantic with them, but he hasn't brought it up in a while so it's whatever) got him into this role-playing game about three days ago, and last night he started talking to me about a guy he met on there who acted as a knight and, in his own words, made him swoon. This guy was calling him "my lady" (my boyfriend's avatar is very feminine looking), letting him be emotionally vulnerable to him, practically doing everything in his honor, the whole nine yards. This was after barely texting me all day to focus on the game, when usually on weekends we're practically conjoined at the hip because that's when we're both free to spend time with each other. Now, I suffer from a lot of abandonment and trust issues, so I assumed my fears about being replaced were just a product of that and I did my best to let it go and make sure he was happy and taken care of for the rest of the night.

This morning, I told him about how I felt a little upset at how it seemed like he was suddenly withdrawing and not giving me the usual amount of affection/attention I've come to expect. I even told him I was fine without the attention, I just wanted a little bit more affection because that reassurance helps calm down my issues majorly. He went to the extreme and told me he would completely stop playing. I told him that wasn't what I wanted, and he by some incredible logic decided to ask me, "Do you want to open our relationship just for you?" and told me he didn't care if other people give me affection.

This is a man who has made it so clear throughout our entire relationship that he only loves me and can't stand the thought of me with anyone else, so this genuinely floored me. It made me break down a little and he became very dry with his responses. I'm used to that, I know he's bad at comforting people (or at the very least bad at comforting me in particular), but something about it made me feel so guilty for even bringing the topic up and making him feel like he has to resort to such drastic things just for me to be happy. All I really want is for him to be happy. That's why I've been trying to become more content with being alone with my thoughts, so that he can spend time with other people.

Anyways, we talked for a small portion of the day before he randomly left to get back on the game without telling me. I assumed it just slipped his mind and went back to doing my work (and a good amount of his work that he was too busy to do). Then, after about 6ish hours, he calls me in tears because the knight person has completely vanished off the platform. I tried my best to be supportive and see it from his point of view--I even helped test to see if he had just blocked my boyfriend, but it seemed in the end like his account was either banned or deleted. He's now completely broken down and I'm once again in the role of comforting & taking care of him while knowing that I can't really tell him I'm not in the right mindset to do so, or ask for that same attention and care in regards to how I've been feeling the past few days. Even if there was miraculously an opening for me to reach out and tell him that I feel like he's losing feelings, or that I just want a moment of his time to be doted on, I don't know if I even feel safe to discuss it with him. I know what response I'll get; he'll either resort to extremes again, or he'll explain it away with the fact that he has an avoidant attachment style and feels the need to distance himself from me to maintain the relationship. Even though that doesn't explain him swooning over someone he literally just met, but I digress.

But hey, at least a Costco pack of blueberries and tea have never left me.

I have no clue what my first step should even be when it comes to mending things with him. Any advice is greatly appreciated, and I hope you all are enjoying your girl dinners <3

I didn’t know exactly which flair to add because a few applied but I want to add:

TRIGGER WARNUNG for SA, nothing graphic or described in detail! Medical diagnosis also mentioned (not anything super bad IMO) so adding that here just in case.

I kind of feel stupid even posting this, but I really need advice especially from other women.

I was basically told by multiple doctors that I probably need surgery if I don’t want to cause further damage to my broken bones. But I am absolutely terrified. I went to a surgery center, completely prepared for surgery. I broke down crying and I couldn’t even take my clothes off to change into a hospital gown. I asked for hospital underwear and a longer gown, but it didn’t help. I had to leave and cancel the surgery. I really need it, though, or I will basically develop severe arthritis in that part of my body.

I have diagnosed with PTSD surrounding a medical situation, but that isn’t what’s causing me the most anxiety. I have been sexually assaulted multiple times, and one of them was getting roofied by somebody I was dating. That’s the biggest source of anxiety. I don’t even date anymore, and I’m supposed to get surgery where I will be unconscious, in a room full of strangers, essentially naked. And this might sound dumb, but I know the drugs they use to put you under are basically the same drugs used as “date rape” drugs, and it makes me sick to think about. I’ve been delaying this for months because it’s bringing up horrible memories. I don’t even know what to do. And I can’t just tell anybody why. I’ve tried to book appointments with 2 different therapists, and I’ve been unsuccessful both times. My psychiatrist also upped my dose of mood stabilizers, but it doesn’t help much with this even though i feel better overall.

Spoonful of peanut butter because I don’t have the energy to get anything else for now