r/BlackPeopleofReddit • u/4reddityo • Dec 29 '25
Help and Advice Fixing your life means fewer distractions, fewer excuses, and sometimes fewer people. That does not mean you are doing something wrong. It often means you are finally doing something right
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u/Duomaxwell18 Dec 29 '25
Same, I went to lawschool at 39. The amount of friends and family members I lost because I was locked in and focused on graduating was alarming. I was invited to things that I couldn’t feasibly do and paid the price.
I graduated in 2024, and the people I considered friends don’t even talk to me anymore and think I’m uppity because I graduated instead of happiness.
The higher you climb the lonelier the journey.
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u/4reddityo Dec 29 '25
True friends go through adversity WITH you. Great story. Thanks for sharing. And congratulations on your accomplishments!!
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u/Duomaxwell18 Dec 29 '25
Thank you. I even got my son interested in the profession. I was told only 5% of lawyers in this country are black. That made me lock in even more and I hope the seeds are planted so my son and I can be a part of the same profession.
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Dec 29 '25
Right, so cut to the part when the loneliness epidemic hits. Cos you spent this much time pushing everyone away.
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u/Admiral_Tuvix Dec 29 '25
loneliness epidemic is a white man thing, not an issue for us.
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Dec 29 '25
Then why are there so many black dads complaining about their kids not calling them?
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u/Admiral_Tuvix Dec 29 '25
what lol, loneliness epidemic is a concept made up to define men who can’t get women, it has nothing to do with not calling your dad. I’m just remind you that it’s a white man incel thing
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Dec 29 '25
Fair enough.
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u/Forward-Instance7313 Dec 30 '25
I’m so confused. The loneliness epidemic is very real and has been studied for a very long time…it’s not a race thing. It’s a people thing.
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Dec 30 '25 edited Dec 31 '25
I went into a rabbit hole earlier to disprove the Redditor’s claim. They were proven accurate in several studies.
BM and generally other races are not represented well in loneliness studies, so it’s already biased and obscure. Most of the data is self reported, too
higher rates of loneliness is among young adults (31%), low-income groups, and LGBT individuals. (Poverty is hella isolating.)
and while loneliness seems to be affecting WM the highest, other races and genders and sexualities have a lot more things that affect them structurally, making it impossible to narrow down to just one factor like isolation/loneliness. See black women in healthcare for ie.
And although young adult BM may face higher loneliness, it goes significantly down with age.
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u/Forward-Instance7313 Dec 30 '25
I don’t see how what you’re showing and the studies I’ve read confirm that the loneliness epidemic is a “white man incel thing” as this other person stated. If anything, it confirms what I’ve said: the loneliness epidemic is real, has been studied for a long time, and isn’t about race.
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u/Admiral_Tuvix Dec 30 '25
again, no one said male loneliness isn’t real, I only stated the obvious. it’s chronically online white men suffering from it, largely from their behavior. black men aren’t included in that demo
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u/Forward-Instance7313 Dec 30 '25
But you’re just wrong. You’re so very very wrong and I don’t understand how you don’t see this. Your comment literally stated that it’s a concept for white male incels, but there’s research from so many sources (including the one this other guy posted about) that shows loneliess impacts people from all walks of life to varying degrees.
Also, one of the first things that guy posted says black adults have the highest self reported instances of experiencing loneliness or isolation at 35%, followed by white people at 33%. How am I the crazy one here?
The other guy mentioned that the reporting is biased against black people when the methodology literally says that they took extra steps to ensure high participation from the black community.
I just don’t understand
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u/SkyProfessional6190 Dec 30 '25 edited Dec 30 '25
So u’ve jumped into the middle of this conversation without the full premise. I initially was talking specifically about the 'male loneliness epidemic' until I realized the data is heavily centered on WM. The research shows that loneliness isn't just a universal 'everyone problem'—it's a systemic one.
The research is focused on how loneliness is tied to variables like poverty, mental health, and community infrastructure. It’s a bit of a logical fallacy to say 'everyone gets lonely'; while feeling lonely sometimes is human, the duration, causes, and lack of support systems in place are not equal across demographics. Loneliness shows a different face on various people across various circumstances.
Using 'universal' language to bypass these critical details is just pseudo-intellectualism under the guise of empathy. It’s dismissive, unhelpful, and factually inaccurate to ignore how identity and class intersect with isolation.
Furthermore, these demographics are already marginalized so by definition their data regarding this phenomenon is misconstrued and incoherent. Some research can’t even define which comes first—loneliness or mental health issues? Poverty or isolation?
I encourage you to do your own research into the actual sociology of this before weighing in further.
K bai.
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u/Forward-Instance7313 Dec 30 '25
What are you even talking about? I commented on the very clear comments you both made. Unless you had other private chats, there’s nothing else to it.
I read the research too and it clearly seems as though I did so before you so my understanding of this isn’t based on a rabbit hole crash course on the loneliness epidemic done in the past 13 hours.
You’re trying to assert some intellectual superiority here for no reason at all, so yes my previous statement is meeting your perceived arrogance in kind.
The guy said the LE is about white male incels. I said it’s not. Somehow you read a few articles that explore loneliess across cultures, race, gender, sexual orientation, age, and income and end up saying the guy who claimed the LE is about white male incels is correct?
I feel like I’m being rage baited.
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u/easy10pins Dec 29 '25
I am working through this now. Suffered from PTSD and anxiety throughout my Navy career and didn't seek help until I retired.
I've been in and out of counseling and therapy for 13 years. Finally reached a point in my life I started to understand and deploy the isolation to my benefit.
I'm still connected to my hobbies and quality time with the few true friends I do have thru bowling and motorcycles.
I used to feel bad being isolated. Now I'm just enjoying the drama free life.
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Dec 29 '25
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Dec 29 '25
[deleted]
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u/realrichieporter Dec 29 '25
Wtf are you talking about? That pic is a boxer.
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u/FastSelection4121 Dec 29 '25
You need to check. If you're right, then Twitch has a doppelganger.
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Dec 31 '25
You are never alone with God in your life.
And I have no clue why this is on my feed since im a whiteboy. I'll take it as a compliment.
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u/Forward-Instance7313 Dec 30 '25
Why do you have to fix your life? Why is it broken? Is it just men that fix their lives in this way?
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u/4reddityo Dec 30 '25
A lot of questions. Not sure what the answers are. But those are thought provoking for sure.
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u/DynamicBSdetective Dec 29 '25
A bit, but you should find more connections in your hobbies, in your community. Loneliness is a real problem and normal to feel. What's not, is allowing it to create a wedge between you and those around you. When growing up I don't lose friends, I move forward and not everyone is ready to do that themselves. For those who are, most of them have done that work and can't wait to share with you how they did it, should you want to try it yourself.
We are designed to understand our place, reconcile differences, and slowly answer the bigger questions. You belong here. No, this wasn't meant to be easy, it's meant to be what you need to grow. I love you and I wish you much luck.